Maybe I should move there and you get me a job, Genes! :P I work full time (40 hours) and get paid bi-weekly. I make roughly $510/2 weeks so thats, what? About $255 per week? Wow, thats crap :-/, lol. Of course thats after taxes and insurance being taken out, but STILL.
Gawd! Even when converting the currency that tis still quite low!
Come work at my work! I am on maternity leave at the moment and I am getting paid HALF my wage and I still come out with more than that! They really don't seem to push the minimum wage thing here like they do over there. And you work in a hospital! They pay hospital staff here quite well!!
that's pretty bad, I had a friend who was 24 and in your position, curfew and all. Thankfully I never had to deal with this problem, I lived with my parents till I was 23 and they gave me all the freedom I wanted. I did have chores but nothing as bad as what you have. So I'm not really sure how to deal with this.
I would say talk to them about it but you've allready said that didn't work. I don't think being rebellious ever ends well so I wouldn't really suggest that. I guess keep trying to talk to them, convince them you're not a little kid anymore, as I think that's the root of the issue, them seeing you as still a child. You just have to keep at it and hope for the best. Or try the rebellion and see how that goes, though I wouldn't recommend that route.
if my child was 21 and living at home, they would be expected to pull their own weight with chores and laundry and all that good stuff. they wouldn't have to do EVERYTHING, but like i said, they would have to wash their own dishes, do their own laundry, clean up their own mess. i wouldn't expect them to be home at a certain time, as they are over 18, but i wouldn't appreciate if they were coming home at 2 in the morning making a crapload of noise and waking me up.
when i do come home, i am quite.
when my mom is actually sleeping when i get home, she never hears me come in.
and my dad, who is a light sleeper, never hears me either.
so it's not like i come in at late hours and make a lot of noise.
i would speak up to your parents then. there's no reason why you should have a ten o clock curfew when you're 21. tell them while you respect their house, you ARE 21, and therefore old enough to make your own decisions (assuming that you are respectful of their house).
I left home at 18. But if I HAD stayed at home, I would not have been impressed if my parents had tried to impose a curfew at that age (and even more so at 21. You're an adult!). Thankfully whenever I do go home to visit my parents, they're respectful of the fact I'm an adult, and let me come and go as I please.
However, that said, I do think if you're living at home you should participate in the chores (just as you would if you shared a house with friends), and if possible, contribute some rent and some money towards bills. Perhaps you're not able to do that, but if you're not contributing any money at all, and living there for free, I don't think it's entirely unfair to expect you to do chores.
I'm also 21, and still live with my parents. I moved out for college, and moved back, but like you, financial reasons are keeping me here.
I do housework, just like I did when I was in high school. I'm expected to keep my room clean, my car clean, and basically just do what I did when I was younger. I have no curfew, my parents respect that I'm a legal adult and can come and go as I please, but if I come home late (which is almost always), I just have to be quiet.
I'd say talk to your parents, and use examples of how helpful you are, and yes, bring up the fact that you're 21. But don't get pushy. Tell them that if you come home late, you'll keep quiet, that you'll have your cell phone on you and turned on, in case they need to talk to you or make sure you're okay.
I'm 25 and still live at home with my parents, I don't see anything wrong with it. And I don't understand parents that make their children pay rent to live in their home. I really don't. I think there are other ways to teach their children the way of life and how to be a responsible adult etc. My parents have never made me pay rent, my mother would rather I save my money somewhere where it can grow so that later on I have no worries.
Despite all that, I understand your feelings towards not feeling like you're being treated as an adult. The curfew thing is a bit much. You mentioned that your mother can't go to sleep while you're still not home, my mom says the same thing (although I don't have a curfew). If you've tried talking to them and they're not budging it makes it harder to give any more suggestions other than trying to move out. But, maybe keep trying to talk to them? Sometimes they need to hear it more than once. And it doesn't have to be in an angry or annoyed way, just maybe keep trying to bring it up with your parents in a respectable way? Try doing your chores as much as you can and being overall "good" and "proving" to them that you deserve changes. Maybe you could try talking to your mom about one thing at a time too. For example, the curfew, maybe try convincing her that you'll call her at certain times to let her know that you're okay. It might seem annoying and unnecessary at first, but maybe it can make a difference and eventually ease her into letting you be out a little later.
Regarding paying rent while living with parents, I suppose it depends. Even if you buy all your own food, an extra person in the house still increases bills and such, and normally means they have to have a larger house. Most people's parents I know wouldn't be able to afford carrying an extra person like that, and as such you make a contribution.
I don't think rent to your parents should necessarily be as high as you'd pay elsewhere (unless it's needed), but at the end of the day, it puts a roof over your head. It's as much the adult son/daughter's responsibility to keep that roof up there as it is the parents'.
Of course, if your parents are fortunate enough to be able to afford all such things without a contribution, then that's an entirely different matter, and both sides are very lucky.
It's not really an extra person though, I assume the person has been living with their parents since they were born, so the parents bills are the same, the only difference is that the child is older now. Obviously I'm not saying a person should not help out with their parents if the help is needed. If they cannot afford it on their own then why shouldn't the child help out if they can? I speak more of the parents who don't really need the help but expect the money. Or worse, the parents that expect rent to be paid even for a short stay.
The person I was particularly thinking of (my first boyfriend, who was twenty one when I met him and still living at home) had been contributing to the household since he first got a part time job at about fifteen. But true, I suppose assuming no bills have increased at all and the person uses the same amount of resources as when they were a teenager, the bills wouldn't change.
I moved out to go to university at nineteen. If I were to move back with my mum and brother it'd be very difficult, as they currently live in a two bedroom house. I know a lot of people in similar situations, who left to go to university and then sometimes have to return home owing to the debt and the difficulties of finding employment. Indeed, I believe a lot of the answers here were referring to that situation.
I wasn't speaking of anyone in particular who mentioned paying rent to their parents in this forum. I don't know their situations, so I don't feel I can or should say anything. And I didn't reply to them, I replied to the original post, for that reason. I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear, but I didn't mean to make it sound like there was no expection.
While you were thinking of your first boyfriend, I was thinking of my current one! lol He used to live with his mother and she expected him to pay rent. She didn't need his money. He's moved out now, but recently went back home and had to stay with her for a while. She's expecting him to pay rent while he's there. Again, she doesn't need it. She also expected him to pay rent for me while I stayed at her house for 2 weeks a while ago. I know she's a bit extreme on the list considering she also expects gifts (that she specifically asks for, or straight out money), but even so there are parents that expect their children to pay rent when they just don't need it. I just don't get it.
To me a parents home should always be their childrens home too. Even my grandparents point out that their home is our home.
Generally, my attitude to money is fairly relaxed. It's not a problem until you don't have it. So if someone needs the rent, then I think an adult is responsible to pay it - but if they don't, it's not something you should have to do out of an obligation to teach responsibility.