I've been a stay at home mom for 6 years for 2 reasons:
1) Daycare is mondo expensive. Any job i got it would take at least 3/4 of a paycheck to put him in daycare. And aside from my MIL (who is bed ridden most of the time) we have no family to help watching my son (whether they work, or live too far away, or arent trusted).
2) when i was growing up my parents couldnt afford to not work, so i was shipped from before school program to school to after school program, i was dropped off at my older cousins house, or with my grandmother, and when i hit 12 i was able to come home after school, but i was alone. I didnt want that for my kids. I wanted to be able to be there to take them to school, and do all the fun stuff at school (projects, bake sales, class trips) that my mom never got to do with me.

Now that my son is in full time school, i WILL be getting a job. However it will mostly be for money to save for when i wont work anymore (we are talking about having another baby, we are also talking about home schooling my son next year)

I dont see any problem with SAHM or working moms. Its a matter of being able to be the best mom you can be, with everything you have going on and in the time you get to spend with your children.

I 100% agree with this. I don't want my girls to be shipped off to a bunch of different programs too - and yes, if I worked right now I would be paying their childcare. Which would be stupid when I could simply watch them!

gah! a part of it got cut off.....

* while my son is in school and i want to be a part of that any job i get will be between the hours he is taken to and picked up from school. Also, it will be part time to allow me to be involved with his schooling.

I will support my kids to a point through college. I was in foster care and had absolutely no help with college, and I had a child to raise. I started school after moving to Denver and I am lucky enough to not have to work, thanks to my husband. My kids will be able to stay at home rent free if that is what they choose to do. I will not pay for their car insurance or gas (I wont pay for that at any time in their life). I will pay for their first two years at a community college but I will not pay for their second two years at a university. As long as they are in school, I will provide them housing, food, and basic needs, but they will need to work to pay for extras such as a cell phone, gas, car insurance, money to go out with, and they will have to save up if they want a 4 year degree.

My sister in law pays for nothing. Her mother pays for everything and has her entire life. She has no motivation to do ANYTHING including picking up after herself. My kids will be getting a job at 15. I worked my entire way through high school and I still graduated with honors. My sister in law made excuses every day as to why she couldn't work in high school, and why she cant work now. I am looked at by my inlaws as a mean mom because it is already known that I will not pay for things that they provide regularly with her.

I also do not believe in allowance. There are certain things you need to learn to do on your own, that life doesn't pay you for. I believe in giving my children things that are considered extra, but to pay them for chores is a ridiculous concept to me. In the end I think parents need to decide what works for their family. Some parents do not believe in helping their kids through college at all, and some believe in paying for everything...to each their own.

I agree completely. I had a job in high school and summer jobs right through university (although in the UK it's difficult to get an official job under the age of 16 as you need a national insurance card to be paid which you don't get until 16. I did do babysitting jobs, paid in cash, when I was 15 though). I also absolutely agree about cars (and insurance, petrol etc). Few teenagers NEED a car (perhaps only those living in rural areas without public transport), nor do most university students. I got my first car at the age of 22 in my final year of university, I paid for it myself and have always paid for my own petrol and insurance. I will never be buying my future kids a car. If they want one they can save for it themselves.

But unlike a car, I do believe every child should have the chance to go to university and I don't think it's realistic to expect them to pay for it themselves. I will certainly be helping my children with university, as my parents did with me.

I do see the point in allowance though (particularly when children are too young to work)... I think it's good for kids to learn how to handle their own money, rather than just asking their parents for it when they need something.

@RedFraggle My girls (even at 4 and 5) get a certain amount of money a week, but its not based on their chores, the money they get is automatically put into savings and if we have some where we are going, thats what we use to get them "extra". Thats how it will be pretty much until they get their job. They will know they have so much money per month and they need to sacrifice some things because they cannot have everything.

The reason I will not pay for all of their schooling is simply because they will have the opportunity to get scholarships, grants, and loans for the last part. I dont want them to use loans for the first part, because I want to help them to a point. Not paying for the second two years, will motivate them more to do better to be able to get scholarships, and if they get scholarships for their first two years, I will match the amount of a scholarship and put it in an account for their future schooling.

@Forever Changing: I agree allowance shouldn't be based on chores as they need to learn chores have to be done regardless.

@Fraggle and @Forever Changing:

FINALLY! People who agree with me that allowance is NOT for chores. Another thing that is highly annoying to me is when parents pay their young children for good grades. Excuse me if this sounds degrading or rude, but good grades are EXPECTED in my home.

@queenbutterfly, there is NO WAY my child will get paid for good grades, they will however have consequences for bad grades. I make school a priority in my children's lives. They are expected to have a job after a certain age, but if they cannot keep their grades up, they will not have the privilege of having a vehicle. School is number one.

@Forever Changing

EEK! I could hug you! LOL. I agree! 100%! And I agree with the job situation. My ultimate hope is that both of my girls (and my future children) will have a summer part-time job, and a weekend job from age 16 all the way through college until they start their career. And yes, I agree their IS consquences for bad grades. :)

Agree completely. I got good grades because I had goals for the future, I.e. Getting into med school. I HAD to work hard and almost always got As yet other kids in my class were getting PAID for getting Bs or Cs. It just seems very wrong to me... How will those kids cope when they go to university and there's far more to distract them from studying?

On the working through university thing though... I think it depends on the degree. I had classes 9am - 5pm Monday - Friday. I had to use my evenings and weekends to study (as there was so much to learn and I never could have passed my exams otherwise). Thankfully for me my parents understood that I couldn't work during term time. I did work through the summers though. And had a weekend job in high school.

In some ways, it is more realistic in North America, because university isn't a fixed number of years as it is here. People can choose how many modules they do per year, and take as long as they like. When I was in Canada, most of my friends were paying their way through uni - they worked part time and studied part time, and this was very much the norm. And a lot of them lived at home. For married couple students, often one would work while the other studied, and then they switched round.

We wont be paying for the tuition- there is what is called HECS here - and once the student is working fulltime in a job earning more than 35000.00 they pay extra tax to recover it. But in all other ways financially we will. Unless things change and we move away from where we are now there is easy access to very good unis and these have great live in colleges if Gaius so choses- will depend on what he wants to do.

I got paid for grades because my extra curricular activities/full college course load while still in high school took up all of my spare time. I'm glad I had that rather then my mum say, "NO, YOU WILL HAVE A JOB!" so I was able to leave high school two years early. Never would have been able to do it if I was forced to have a stupid bagging job at the local grocery.

Not being pushed to have a job can work in your favor like in your case, or you can be living off mommy and daddy at 20 years old with absolutely no motivation to get a job, go to school, or do anything else, like my sister in law.

What exactly is the benefit of graduating two years early? Did you them go to university at 16?

@fraggle- Yes, I did. Gave me a head start and got me into my first well-paying job at 18 and really gave me a lot of drive and ambition that I found on my own without being forced into a low paying "character building" job.

Well each to their own but my personal opinion is that high school and university aren't just about getting am education but also as growing and developing as a person, learning social skills, how to cops with difficulties etc. And I feel 16 is too young to go to university. And I think there's nothing wrong with having a low paid job as a teen, to learn how to work as part of a team, get on with people perhaps from different backgrounds than those in your high school, and also to learn early on how to manage money. When I was 17 I worked in a small chocolate shop. It was a job I loved and from which I gained a lot, particularly as a relatively shy teen who had previously only really mixed with other kids from the suburbs. I would never underestimate that experience, and it appears a tad snobby to do so.

I agree, it us up to the individual families. That's what I was trying to get to. If you set rules saying, "No matter what, at sixteen, you're going to work!" Your child may miss out on other opportunities because you're blindly setting rules. I would have been -miserable-. Until I was skipped up through high school I was angry, I was bored, I was acting out. I wasn't being challenged until harder course work was introduced. Being told I need to go work at a local shop wouldn't have helped me. I don't think I'm being snobby in the slightest, and I'm sorry it came across that way, but I just think setting blind rules for children doesn't help their development. I didn't suffer socially when I went to college because that was the level I needed to be at. And that's not for everyone, I understand that. But if my parents had blindly said, "No, you must have an after school job" I really would have felt defeated. Children aren't all the same, and they're not going to become the person you necessarily want them to become. You have to nurture them, and find their strengths and weaknesses, and try to give them a solid foundation for where they're going on their life plan. Blindly setting rules doesn't help that. It feels like lazy parenting.

No-one EVER told me I had to go work in a little shop. We got an allowance. I could have managed, but I wanted to go travelling with my friend's after finishing high school (an amazing experience and probably one of the most valuable experiences of my entire life). My parents, quite rightly, told me that I'd have to pay for that myself, but they encouraged me to do it. They didn't care what job I did, and I applied to places I thought I'd enjoy. And I was a bright kid (although I think British high school education is probably harder and more challenging than the American curriculum. We study in high school things that you guys don't cover until university).

I don't doubt you were at an adequate level of education at university, but I don't believe university provides the same opportunity for growth as a person, development of social skills etc when you're still 16 and entirely dependent on your parents.

If my kids are bored like you as teens then I will find other ways to challenge them... Extra college courses, a new hobby or skill, or a job that suits them. If they want money to travel or buy luxuries like a car, they will pay for them themselves.

Yes, you are sounding snobby, and slightly spoiled. If that is the result of the choices your parents made for you it just makes me even more convinced that it is not good for kids to be handed everything and do whatever they choose.

I didn't say you -had- to go work in a shop. I said it's up to the individual families to make those decisions based on their child.

I worked hard for everything I've ever done in my life, and I don't quite understand where you're thinking that I was -handed- things. I've worked my ass off. And this is really coming out of left field, since all I've said is "these decisions should be up to the individual parents, and they need to not blindly set rules." Where do you get snobbery from that? You know what? I don't care. I've put in my two thoughts. If you'd like to continue judging me, please do so through a private message.

You did refer to us being told we HAD to go work in a job...

No matter what, at sixteen, you're going to work!
Being told I need to go work at a local shop wouldn't have helped me.
if my parents had blindly said, "No, you must have an after school job"

None of those things applied to me, nor was I suggesting they should. I've simply said children should be encouraged to work as it is a valuable experience at that age, and if they want luxuries like travelling or a car then they should WORK for them. I don't believe children should just be handed these things. And they should work for good grades because it gives them an advantage in the future and puts them on a path to a career, not because they're getting paid to do so. Something tells me you were probably a kid who was given a car by their parents too...


As for snobbery?

if I was forced to have a stupid bagging job at the local grocery.
without being forced into a low paying "character building" job.

You clearly look down on those who work low paying job and believe you are too good for that. I certainly don't want my kids to turn out like that.

I went to work at the age of five, sewing Nike shoes in a sweat shop, and it taught me the value of a dollar, and also HIGHLY IMPORTANT LIFE SKILLS THAT YOU TOTALLY MISSED OUT ON.

Seriously, it taught me the value of a dollar. After working in that sweat shop for six weeks, I finally eared my first dollar.

AND THOSE SKILLS, YOU'LL NEVER GET THEM! That experience taught me all sorts of interesting social skills, like sewing the logo on backwards will get you beaten. And that not sewing your quota of shoes will get you beaten. And that getting beaten will get you beaten.

Snob.