Well in the UK most mums can take 9 months maternity leave (and many take a year), so new babies should never need to be in daycare here. I would most likely take a year then go part time (like I say if my future husband's earnings allow this!).

And it's not just about money. Some mums have to work for other reasons (see my earlier post). Giving up work while my children are toddlers simply wouldn't be an option for me. And women like me are necessary to the provision of healthcare. If all women gave up work when they had kids then we would have few female doctors, virtually no nurses, and sick patients wouldn't get the care they need. I feel saving lives is just as an important part of my life as being a mother will be.

Also, the reason many families have to have both parents working (and remember not everyone pays for daycare, lots of people have family who help) isn't just because some have expensive mortgages to pay... These days with the cost of university rising, parents have to start saving early if they want to give their child every opportunity in life. When I was growing up we only lived in a nice area because the death of my gran (and my mum inheriting her house which she then sold) meant my parents had enough money for a decent deposit on our house. They moved us to a nice area so we could go to a good state school. My mum worked part time and my dad full time so that they could then afford to send us to university.

Honestly I feel I missed out on nothing and am grateful to my parents for the sacrifices they made that have allowed me to get to where I am now. I'd hate to have to tell my child they can't go to university because I chose to stay at home with them.

@redfraggle

A lot of people cannot afford to take maternity leave here, after the first six weeks at 90% wage a lot of women have no choice but to go back to work as they simply cannot afford to live on such a reduced wage, after that you only get £128 a week or 90% of your wages, but this is at a rate of which ever is the least amount of money, thats not a lot of money, especially as there are certain costs that you cannot avoid when you have a baby.

You don't need money to go to university though, you can get student loans that you pay back in small amounts, low interest and that don't have any bearing on your credit rating, even if I could pay for my children's university I wouldn't, they're adults, they can support themselves and manage their own finances, I wouldn't accept money from my parents for this either. You also don't need to live an expensive/above average price area to live in a nice area, I live in a nice area yet if you were to buy your typical three bed semi you are looking at around £100K and you have three grammar schools to choose from and some very good comprehensives, most primary schools are good here as well.

Essentially, our problems would be solved if we could find some nice, good looking wealthy men! Or if we could make enough money to support our husbands while they cared for our children.

That's simply not true about university. I took the maximum loan I was entitled to (in days BEFORE fees, so I only had to pay for living expenses), and it was nowhere near enough to live on. I still needed a considerable amount of money from my parents (although I will be paying this back and consider it a loan). At medical school (unlike many university degrees) you have classes pretty much 9 - 5 Monday to Friday and my evenings and weekends were spent studying. I simply could not possibly have had a part time job which would have covered the remainder of my living expenses. I worked during the summer holidays, but that didn't provide enough to live on for a year.

If my mum hadn't worked when we were kids, I simply could not have gone to med school. And actually I think it's kind of presumptuous for you to assume you know what others can and can't afford.

And where I grew up you did have to live in nice areas to go to good state schools. The schools in the area we lived in until my gran died when I was 5 were terrible. I'm going to guess that the Scottish city that I'm from is rather different to where you grew up, but again, i'd appreciate it if you didn't presume to know the situation my parents faced in the 80s better than they did themselves.

I agree with pretty much everything transit and fraggle said. I mean for my husband and I when we have a baby I'll be taking 6 weeks off at 60% of my pay. I mean we're planning ahead and saving money for when I'm not getting my full paycheck and honestly if I had the choice I would stay at home until our kid started school. But for most average paid people, that won't happen. We aren't poor but we don't have tons of extra money. Luckily my mom has the choice to work from home some days so hopefully when hubby and I have a baby my mom can watch the baby, but still it scares me to leave my child at daycare. And not because of the stranger thing (Even though that's part of it) But mostly because I feel like I should be there through EVERYTHING my child does, but I know that isnt realistic.

I plan to spend every second out of work with my child and I think that's what counts. In my whole life I remember 2 of my babysitters. And both memories are nothing important. I think the time a parent spends with their child is what matters most. They can spend all day in daycare but the quality time with a parent make a bigger impact on a child more than anything.

@redfraggle

I don't receive the maximum financial support with my loan and grant, yet I manage perfectly fine without help from my parents and I don't work, last year I had enough to pay for a university trip that cost £500 then I had enough for £200 spending money, this summer I'm going on holiday again purely on money left from my student loan, and as I'm not a third year I pay summer rent and utilities so I don't save money during the summer. Rents where I go to university aren't on the lower scale for university rents either, I pay £320 a month before my utilities, so normally I pay out about £370.

What I was trying to highlight the fact that you do not need to live in more expensive areas for good schools etc, it is a choice to live in a more expensive area, instead of an equally nice area for a lower price.

@Transit: Ha! I just noticed this. Your rent is £320 a month? So that's £3200 a year (if you were a med student who needed rent all year round) BEFORE bills, food etc! If your own rent alone is £3200 a year how can you POSSIBLY claim that someone can live off of £3000 a year?!? Surely you needed maths to get into university, no?

@ redfraggle

My rent is discounted during the holidays, so it is only £320 during term time, I pay 1/3 during the holidays (most landlords now do this, but most work at 50%). I know traveling is expensive, it costs me £70 to go home as I live six hours from my family. I often spend less than £25 a week, my weekly budget is £20 I normally spend £20 a fortnight on food, but I don't buy all the horrid stuff like super noodles etc to save money, I still eat well. I bought most of my books second hand when I was able to, used the library if I could, there was only one book I had to pay full price for which was £40, which I then sold as soon as I had finished with it. My sister also had a monthly budget of £25 and she managed fine.

I wish drinks were cheaper, I don't know if you have noticed this but if I buy just a coke it often works out to cost more than say a vodka and coke, it is so annoying, sometimes I just ask for squash, 25p a pint!

Of course it is possible to EAT off of £20 a week... I'm not talking about £20 for food, I'm talking about £20 for EVERYTHING. But anyway, on £3000 a year I didn't even have £20 a week left after rent...

OK, so firstly, at med school we only got 8 weeks holiday a year (two weeks at Christmas, two weeks at Easter and four in the summer). Even if my rent HAD been 1/3 during that time (and it wasn't, nor do I know anyone who paid part rent in my city during holiday time... AGAIN highlighting that not everyone's circumstances match yours... although CLEARLY this message is not getting through!) my rent for the year would have been (£200 x 10) + (£66.67 x 2), which comes to... £2133. On a loan of £3000 that would leave me £867 for everything else, for 44 weeks of university time. Take off £180 for three return flights to Wales during holiday time and that leaves £687, which works out at £15.60 for every week that I was at university.

Take off also the £2.40 daily bus fare to the hospital... which is £12 a week... and I am left with a grand total of £3 a WEEK.

That is £3 a WEEK for food, electricity, gas, books, phone bill... PLEASE AGAIN tell me how exactly I could have lived on that? (And that's only IF I had been on 1/3 rent during holiday time, which I wasn't.)

You say your rent is £320 a month, and 1/3 of that in holiday time... well assuming you get 2 months holiday in the summer, a month at Christmas and a couple of weeks at Easter, this works out at 8.5 months at £320/month (£2720) plus 3.5 months at £106.67 (£373.33)... this means your yearly rent is £3093.

So on RENT ALONE you spend more than £3000 a year! Even if your bills are included, if you add in your £70 train fare three times a year, and your £20/week on food (about £820 a year for the time you're at uni)... that puts your yearly expenditure at £4123. And that is assuming you buy no clothes the entire time you're at university, have no bills to pay or public transport costs (which may be the case in Aberystwyth, but is not in bigger towns and cities). So if you yourself are paying over £4000 a year how can you claim anyone can live on less than £3000?

Look, this is getting ridiculous. CLEARLY you are getting far more than £3000 a year in loan + grant. I had no grant, and my loan was £3000 a year (the maximum I was entitled to), which as the figures above demonstrate, was not enough for me as a med student to live on for a year. So just give it up now. My point has simply been that you have no right to judge what others can and can't afford because their circumstances may well be different to yours. Accept you were wrong and let it go.

Well that's great for you, but my loan at university was £3000 a year. Funnily enough that was NOT enough to live off of! Again, great that you managed, but I think most people would struggle to live on that much. So please, again, do not presume that we all have financial situations that match yours.

And in Glasgow, the good schools ARE in the nice areas. You have not lived there, so again, pleased stop assuming you know everything about everyone else's circumstances. You don't.

Its similar here - you need to live in a decent area for good state education. This is a lot of why we have chosen a private school - and I will continue to work- to give Gaius and his sister the best possible chances for university and beyond.

Here we have a scheme where students dont pay fees as such but start paying it back theough their tax once they are working. So they either rely on parents or work - the study allowance paid through social security is very small.

I will continue to support my kids through Uni - its far more important to me to give THEM the best chances I can, I see it as one of my roles as a parent.

I agree with Pagan and RedFraggle on financially supporting my child through college. For me, I did not have any help with college nor was I even offered that. So immediately out of high school I was working a full time job (and than an overnight part-time job) and STILL could not afford college. My parents never even offered to help pay, nor have they offered anyone else that is teenagers in my home. Because of this, you just assumed you either got a scholarship, a loan, or you weren't going to college.

My sister who is in her third year of high school is all ready facing this dilema. It's hard for her to get college loans because she needs a co-signer of some sort and my parents simply won't cosign. So yes, Kaidance and Sophia will have something for college from me!

@Queenbutterfly

University loans are very different here, firstly they do not come from banks, and they are heavily regulated, they come in two parts, a loan to cover your tuition fee's which goes straight to your university, you never actually see it yourself, and a second part a maintenance loan, this comes in three parts, once a semester, it is based on your parents income, but only 25% of the amount is means tested, so the lowest entitlement to the maintenance loan is enough to live on through university. Part of your loan is grant as well which you don't pay back ever.

Our loans are paid back currently once you are earning above £15K/$25K at a rate of 9% of your earnings above this amount, however they are changing due to a fee change for the English which means students in the next few years will not start paying back their loan until they are earning £21K/$34K and this will still be at the 9% rate, it automatically comes out of your wages like taxes, other loans will remain the same until fee's ultimately change in Wales, etc. They are cancelled after a certain amount of time as well, this is 25 years in England and Wales (35 Scotland), in the whole of the UK they are cancelled if you deemed unfit to work permanently, or if you die, so relatives don't take on your loan either.

There is also the fact that university is significantly cheaper here compared to American, this includes housing, tuition fee's and even textbooks!

@Transit

This sounds amazing! Seriously! I have to start paying back my student loans as soon as I'm finished with school unless I ask for an extension and than I have to be approved. Blah.

@Queenbutterfly

People in the UK are extremely lucky, sadly a lot of people don't realise and still believe they are hard done by, fees for English students have increased to a maximum of £9K but those students are getting a better deal in re-paying their loan and aren't very likely to pay it all off unless they are extremely high earners. The only problem is this could cause a possible funding shortfall in the future.

I don't think we are hard done by though. I think we're very lucky, particularly in Scotland where university is free. However that doesn't change the fact that £3000 is not enough to live off for a year and some of us NEEDED parental help or we simply could not have gone to university.

I dont get how any parent could NOT help their kids - it blows my mind.

Agreed. I'm lucky to have a good job now and so I consider the money my parents gave me a loan and will be paying them back, but without that money university would not have been an option for me.

Please do tell me how £3000 is enough to live on for a year? That was the maximum I was entitled to.

@ Redfraggle

I manage fine on it, as do most of my friends, they go out drinking a lot as well which is costly, my friends who don't manage tend to be the ones who go crazy, yet I know people who don't manage on the highest loan and with university support because they spend their money straight away, so no matter how much they received they would spend it all as soon as it was in their bank account. I don't miss out on anything at uni, I can still afford to do everything, pay my rent, bills etc and have a little spare as well.

You are very lucky, I mean a lot of people here are moaning about £9K I don't like the idea, I don't think many young people or parents would, but we still have far more help than other countries, and help that is easy to get and that does not ruin our credit rating or take most of our pay when it does come to us paying it back. My friend Lauren used to moan that she was paying £1,350 a year to go to university, but didn't consider that English students on the same course were paying £3,350 and were not receiving a Welsh bursary each term, no matter what loan entitlement they had.

You manage on £3000 a year? You have to remember also as a med student I was actually in university 44 weeks of the year. We didn't get crazy holidays like everyone else. My rent back then was £200 a month, which comes to £2400 a year... Are you seriously claiming it's possible to pay bills and buy food on £600 a year (£50/month)?!? Come on, be realistic!

And I certainly did not "go crazy" at uni. I couldn't go our drinking all the time as I had to study. And even when I did, back then a double vodka and coke was £1.50 in our union!

And I believe I've already agreed we're lucky. That doesn't change the fact that it is simply not possible to live off of £3000 a year as a med student!

And text books.

And flights from Scotland to Wales three times a year at £60+ each, because unlike you, I lived a good distance away from my family (and before you ask the trains were even more expensive. I did it by train in 1st year before the introduction of low cost airlines).

Mostly my point is, unless you were a medical student at my university, living 500 miles away from your family, and with expensive books to buy, you just have no right to tell me what I could and could not afford. It's arrogant and rude. But please do tell me how someone can buy books, bills, food, flights and clothes off of £25 a week... I'm genuinely intrigued, since you claim this is what you do!