Not Logged In
Your Username:
Your Password:

[ sign up | recover ]

Discussion Forums » Poetry
Page:  1 
We Are Worse
0 likes [|reply]
9 Jun 2010, 18:15
Post Count: 221
I've been using bloop for a while, under different names, etc. I've tried writing regular blogs, but I'm not that interesting. What I tend to use it for, most often, is my creative writing: poetry, song lyrics, stories, etc. So, here is one of my poems:


The slight indention of joy and
The slow protrusion of pain
Does dare to outweigh
The imminence of our own immortality

Our emotions hold all sway
These frailties are our foundations
All placed crudely upon a bed of sand!

As we allow these perversions
To erase our peripherals,
We create in and of ourselves this
Tunnel vision that can't be corrected

We look up to the heavens
Shake our fists, point our fingers
As if there's someone else to blame!

What about us? What have we done
To allow ourselves the right to accuse?
We create our own pain, our own hate
And you want to weasel out of it all?

You have put Him on trial
And charged Him with your own crime!
Your allegations stem from deceit!

For we are worse than those we accuse.
0 likes [|reply]
10 Jun 2010, 00:10
Post Count: 1938
What is the intended structure of this poem? I don't mean to be a dick, but this seems a bit like prose separated into verses.
0 likes [|reply]
10 Jun 2010, 00:27
Post Count: 221
Well. The structure is the way it's structured. Its separated for emphasis and pauses. Is there some specific formula for poetry?
0 likes [|reply]
10 Jun 2010, 01:19
Jessica [Private]
Post Count: 1751
The thing that confuses me about this poem... you said its separated for emphasis and pauses:

"The slight indention of joy and
The slow protrusion of pain"

You would pause after saying and, as if it were a complete sentence? I'm only asking because thats how I personally read it.
0 likes [|reply]
10 Jun 2010, 14:45
Post Count: 221
Not so. The pauses in the verses themselves are there to make you stop and think about them. It has nothing to do with it being a sentence or reading like a sentence or anything. The intention is that you focus on the "slight indention of joy" and "slow protrusion of pain" and how it outweighs the thought of immortality in our lives. It's the big separations between verses that could be seen as the end of a sentence, if that's how you want to look at it.
0 likes [|reply]
11 Jun 2010, 03:01
Jessica [Private]
Post Count: 1751
Ah ;D

Shows how much I know about poetry!
0 likes [|reply]
11 Jun 2010, 12:26
Post Count: 221
lol it's not about knowing poetry, it's about knowing the poet. Poems are written, if written well (not that mine was, but I'm sure you can think of a few popular ones), to make you think about them, to discuss them within yourself. and when you come to realize what the poem means you could discover two things: something you didn't know about the poet and something you didn't know about yourself.
0 likes [|reply]
10 Jun 2010, 21:01
Greta Garbage
Bloop Community Organizer
Post Count: 309
There are many forms of poetry. There is haiku, lantern, and free verse and many many more. I'm thinking of taking an online poetry class through my school's website: (if interested, click on Course Offerings and then go to BCS Online).
Post Reply
This thread is locked, unable to reply
Online Friends
Offline Friends