I used bloopdiary as a teenager, letting out all my inner most teenager thoughts into the 'pages' of bloop. I used bloop 5 years ago as a fitness diary, that lasted two weeks. (The diary, the fitness lasted two months.....)
I wanted to start this diary as I feel like I'm entering a new stage in my life. Last year I got married to the love of my life, things are great and the timing is right, therefore beginning of December we decided to start trying for a baby. I want to use this diary to document my journey, sometimes I have thoughts and feelings I can't or don't want to share with anyone, so this will be my outlet once again.
Growing up I never dreamed I'd ever get married, yet here I am. I never dreamed I thought I'd be planning for a baby, yet here I am. I've always had a bit of a pregnancy phobia, the thought of growing a baby inside me always made me squirm. Yet my husband loves the idea of us having a baby and some how I came round to the idea.
So here I am on January the 1st, stressing out because I'm 4 days away from my 'period' experiencing what feels like PMS, yet we're desperately hoping I'm pregnant right now. I should be expecting my period on the 4th, and I have some early detection tests, yet they've both come back negative. I'm trying not to let it get to me, and that it may still be too early to detect anything but I'm just so worried. Husband is so excited, he's convinced I'm pregnant, that he can sense the baby and I've shown a million signs. I just cant bare the thought of disappointing him. I know this is literally our first month trying but I've gotten caught up in all the baby excitement that I'll be so disappointed if it hasn't happened for us this month.
I've decided I'm not going to test again until the day of my period. I don't think I can wait any longer.....