she is beautiful...

Oh hey, sorry for disappearing on you. Things have happened.
But basically, Open Diary isn't working I just want to write.

Logan and I broke up. Want to know the whole story?
He broke up with me.
To put it simply, I acted like a bitch to him. I was mean to him, and I can admit it. I tried, though. I really tried. He said he didn't want to do it, but he had to. Right. Also, I ignored him and avoided him and lied to him and such.

I did not lie to him. I don't lie.
I can be a bitch, but no lying was involved.

But then literally two days later he came crying (not literally) back to me and asked me out again.
And I was like, "Fuck that shit" and said NO. Why would I date the same person twice?
Our relationship didn't work, I didn't want to fix it, and I didn't like him anymore. That's the painful truth, guys.

But it's been a really rough ride; I still think about him a lot. I swear, I used to be half in love with the guy. Like before we started dating. And then I just sort of...stopped. It blows my mind.
It happens, I guess.

But my friends, my parents, and pretty much everyone else I know thinks of me as a heartbreaker. Everyone acts as if I'm the one who broke up with him.

He has sent me emails, notes, and voicemails saying the same things. "I miss you a lot and I feel really awful and I'm depressed and I just want you back."
I'm not a typical girl, I guess. So many things just didn't feel right.

--

Anyway, life has been good and bad and back again.

Today was a good day. I had an unofficial volleyball practice.
It was seriously the first time I actually felt alive in forever.
My heart was racing, I was sweating, my legs ached, my throat was sore, and everything felt like it was just falling into place.

Official practices start in July. I have open gym every Wednesday.
<3
Rubber Duckie.