I succeeded in my job search and got something much better. I will start on Halloween.
Moving in with the bf at the end of the year.
When my lease came up he hesitated a bit to invite me to move in, said he wanted me to meet his parents first.
But then when we saw how much rent at my apt was (that I am literally never at) we both decided 3 months was good then I could move in.
He still hasn't said the three words and be says that's a conscious decision.
I think I know him well enough at this point that he does but he is afraid to say it because he likes to be 1000% sure before anything, and he wants me around for a long time. The whole actions speak louder than words thing.
Its getting cool and I started crochet/knitting again. I've started a bunch of new books and video games. I also started practicing on the keyboard. Not to mention the udemy courses and professional learning I want to do.
Just still feels like it's hard to focus on what I want, don't know what I want, have no idea what to plan for my future.
Also kinda feeling bad about not talking to my family and I feel like I'm expected to try to reconnect with them. (Based on things the bfs mom has said)
Besides all my normal doubts and worries though, things are going great.
I'm in another in between place.
My anxiety never goes away it just transfers.
But im tired of everyone having to deal with my anxious thoughts (myself included) so my goals for an experiment this week (or longer if it goes well):
1. Only speak on things from a positive perspective
2. Do not verbally doubt myself
3. Do not worry about what people think of me