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What's your secret?
by BloopSecrets

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I Regret My Daughter

01/27/2014

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Everyone told me once I had her I would love her. Well, I do, but I am still unhappy. I don't enjoy taking care of another human being and I haven't had time to myself since she was born. Friends: If your gut tells you not to have children, don't have them. I got pregnant and my entire family jumped on me when I wanted the abortion. Saying I'd change my mind once she got here. She's here and I wish I could give her away and start over.

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This is very brave of you to admit. So many people think it's awful if a woman doesn't want to be a mother or if they don't possess motherly instincts naturally. I have chosen to get my tubes blocked someday to avoid this exact scenario. I'm so sorry that you feel the way that you do and that you have regret. [Isolde] [reply]

I have to add that this secret also shows that just because a person wishes their life was different, it doesn't mean that they aren't capable of loving their child. People always try to make others conform to their own ideals, when in reality human emotions are very complex. I truly valued this honest secret. I definitely wish you the best. [Isolde] [reply]

You can "give her away and start over" - it's called adoption. I don't know how old your daughter is, and infants are the most likely to be adopted, but there are parents out there willing to take on an older child. Contact an agency if you're serious, give your daughter a family who wants her, not resents her. [girlsetsfireStar] [reply]

Because adoption is SO easy and older children aren't more likely to be caught in the system and abused, or anything...
And just because there's a wish to give them away doesn't necessarily mean that they want them to end up that way. I'm guessing a lot of people who say this have never been adopted or gave someone up for adoption. It's not always a cozy, happy ending. [Isolde] [reply]

I'm very aware that it's not always a fairytale story, and obviously there are feelings of abandonment, etc... but I still think that would be preferential to growing up feeling like your own mother doesn't want you, while still living with her. [girlsetsfireStar] [reply]

How do you know her daughter even knows she is resented? Or that perhaps it's more she resents feeling forced to have her and that her former life is gone, more so than actually resents her daughter. Have you people not felt ambivalence before? Jesus Christ. [Isolde] [reply]

I agree I don't want a child if for some reason I got pregnant and couldn't abort I'd raise it I wouldn't give it away even though I probably wouldn't want to be a mother sometimes that's just what it is [model-trash] [reply]

I concur with girlsetsfire. [Greta GarbageStar] [reply]

I agree with girlsetsfire as well.. She's right. It's better to try to find a family who actually wants her, Clearly this person who posted the secret doesn't and i'm curious why even continue if you just continue to resent her and pretty much don't want her. She's not a present/gift where you can just take it back and get your money returned to you. She is a human life and if you don't want her.. like i said.. give her to a family that does.

I also agree with Isolde.. only the part that this is a very brave secret to admit.. that's the only thing i pretty much agree with..
[Delirium Fairy] [reply]

But giving her up for adoption for that reason is giving her away in the same vein as an unwanted sweater, so...

I also could care less if you agree with me. Lol. Read statistics on the current state of the foster system and the effect it has on children to basically be dumped by their parents. Unless, of course, the child is an infant. That's completely different. The lady said she does love her child. The entire point is that she wishes her pregnancy never happened because she wasn't meant to be a mother and can't bring herself to be happy. I bet so many women feel this way after feeling forced to have a child. [Isolde] [reply]

Here's a question for you: What would you rather have.. To live with a woman you resents you and makes you feel incredibly worthless or rather be adopted..

And I didn't fucking say go to the adoption center. Perhaps maybe you shouldn't assume that.. I said to give her to a family that cares.. Maybe a friend wants to raise her. Maybe a FAMILY member is looking for kids.

Don't always assume someone is talking about the system.. k?. thanks. [Delirium Fairy] [reply]

Don't assume because she's ambivalent about her feelings toward her daughter that she makes her feel completely worthless... k? Thanks. [Isolde] [reply]

I dont think anyone is saying shes worthless. They are just saying that if she doesnt think this is what she wants with her life, there are other options. She shouldnt rush into anything , but she also shouldnt spend her entire life unhappy either. [Mommy2Aiden] [reply]

I feel the same way about kids and always worried that this would happen to me as well. Fortunately for me, I haven't gotten pregnant yet, but either way you are not alone. The way I see it,you have one of two options: Put the baby up for adoption because she is a human being and she deserves to be raised in a house that does want her and can love her the way a parent should, OR try to find a way to make these next few years work. It might suck right now (believe me, I can imagine) but when she stops being a little lump of baby and starts turning into a kid with thoughts and ideas of their own and you can actually have real conversations with her, she might just grow on you. When you start to see her as a real person (kind of like a friend) instead of just an obligation, I bet you'll be glad you didn't give her up. Good luck with whatever you choose to do! [Poetic Justice] [reply]

I felt that way immediately after having my daughter. Then someone told me about post partum depression. It's exactly what I had. [renazy] [reply]

The truth is you CAN. If your truly unhappy, there are lots of families who would want her. If you keep her and resent her, as she grows it will effect her. You could also try medication to just see if it is PPD. Babies in general suck, they are much better one they are a bit bigger [Mommy2Aiden] [reply]

I know this is over a year old but I'm alarmed by the number of people who think it is easy to just give a child up to adoption. We all have regrets, but we can also have regrets while accepting that things are the way they are and that we have to accept things and try to learn from our mistakes. I hope that the author of this secret has sought therapy and that she is happier now, whether she has decided to hand over care of her daughter to someone else, or keep her daughter, or if she has realised that she has post natal depression or anything. I think there is a thing called pre-natal depression as well so maybe it was that too. I don't know. [blackknight] [reply]

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