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Shadows Of Fantasia........
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

previous entry: Prayer.

next entry: Permission.

To The Families Of Chronic Pain Sufferers.........


I want to write to the families of those who suffer from chronic illness, whatever label you have or choose to accept that is not my business. But what is my business is how your treatment of us effects absolutely everything. Have been sick for years.  Most of you know this. Mom and I never got along, from my mouth to her ears, a really strange warping thing would happen, and she would think I meant something that I did not. Visa versa too. But when you live in constant agony, and intense brain problems to the point that every single breath is a war? And people dont get it. Why is it always our family members that do not comprehend our illnesses? Everyone else can see it, hear it, practically taste it, and yet the ones who are supposed to love us the most, are the ones who call us names, put guilt trips on us, lay blame where its not deserved, and make us feel like shit just for breathing. 

Even knowing we have said illnesses, they still treat us like we are supposed to act healthy and full of life when someones each moment is death. Why can some of us be breaking down and crying and whimpering with pain, and our loved ones are completely oblivious, or worse yet call you lazy, or unmovivated, or YOU WASTED YOUR LIFE AND NOW YOUR SICK AND ITS YOUR FAULT. Tell you that you arent wanted. Tell you that they wish you did not live there. 

Oh and here is one of my personal favorites from someone that I love the most upon hearing me try to explain what they call Fibromyalgia. TELL SOMEONE WHO CARES. Yeah. 

Just..Please be careful to remember that your sick loved ones are just as human as you. That they have extra sensitive bodies and minds right now, that maybe they need your love and support more than you  ' IF YOU DID THIS, or YOU DONT WANNA GET WELL OR YOU WOULD BE BY NOW, or YOURE FAKING IT. ' Any of those things. Are. Not. Helpful. And are more damaging than your minds could conceive. 

And yes we do notice it when you cry at the drop of a hat for starving children in another country, or someone you barely know who has Cancer, and you bawl your eyes out. Yet we can be screaming and crying and crawling on the floor and you dont bat an eye. THAT IS SOME TYPE OF SORCERY or something, because its not right. Its so blatantly wrong.......And yet? 

Just...BE KIND. Love one another. That is all that was asked of us and yet we cant seem to freaking do it when it comes down to it. Why? Just some food for thought. I have zero ideas how to make people listen. SO I have decided something. Its not the person that is disappointing us so much as the EXPECTATIONS we place on them to understand, to have compassion, to sympathize. And in this world, those are very reasonable expectations of our family. But what if? What if in Gods kingdom the only person we have expectation from is Him? What if we woke up and thought...No one owes me anything, and I owe noone anything but to love them. And try to get thru a day without expecting a darn thing emotionally from anyone. Because if we arent expecting anything, they cant hurt us. Easier said then done, I know. Love you all. xo

previous entry: Prayer.

next entry: Permission.

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