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Shadows Of Fantasia........
by I Fear Who I Am Beco

previous entry: People Are Evil.......




ALERT: I KNOW OTHERS ARE IN PAIN AND IM SURE OTHERS CIRCUMSTANCES ARE WORSE THEN MINE, SO PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF AND DO NOT GIVE INTO THE IMPULSE TO THROW THAT IN MY FACE. THIS IS MY WRITING AND I CAN SAY WHAT I WANT. THANK YOU. I have been isolated too long now. I have no idea how people who can't walk can stand to look at the same things every day. Everything feels so strange, and by the time you do get to go to even the store, you have been alone so long that you feel like a sore thumb sticking out ( not in a good way ) in public, in front of people. I hate it here. I love my family, but I hate being STUCK. I am not even mobile right now ( as in a vehicle ) or I could bear it. But as it is, this place is a joyless, loveless, TOMB, and I have tried to be light, but get bashed down or rejected for it. Not to mention being so ill that I can barely function, and being caged behind your own eyes, while autopilot takes over your body is no fun either, it is a living death. They were not far off in calling us the walking dead. Except we few...Who can still remember what it is like to smell the breeze, and feel the air on our skin. We have to remember what it was like to BE IN this environment that has now caged us like a prisoner behind bars. A free jail sentence, one and all, come and get it. CAGED FREEDOM, that's what it is. Others are always sick and running to ER. I used to be like that. Till I realized they cant and wont help us. They are told not to, when are you all going to get it? ITS ALL RIGGED. Rigged to make us fail. And we either give up, or give in, or we fight.

I dont know what happens with the decisions we have made in our lives BEFORE we knew the truth and saw the world for what it really is. Idk what it means, all the dumb, reckless, stupid, and outright WRONG choices we made before we became aware it was all rigged. I don't know. I do know that a lifetime of being beaten down just for being alive. Being made to feel like shit, because we were the horse, not the shit. Being made to feel worthless by people who knew damn well that we were worth EVERYTHING, perhaps more than them. Thats the thing. The real slimeballs and scumbags of this world were the ones who pounded us down. Not everyone was made/created for the same purpose, and those vessels of dishonor that were created to be examples of evil, they tried to turn us into one of them. Tried to fill us so full of lies, and worth less ness, that we couldnt even lift our heads, while the creeps of this Earth walk around with their heads held high, and are arrogant sons of bitches. Yes I did just say that.

Then those same lowlifes target us and hurt us, and use weapons most of us cant see against us, and pay people little bits of money to h arass us. WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY ( IF YOU HAVE ANY HEART OR SOUL LEFT, OR ARE YOU JUST A MEAT SUIT CARCASS? ) What could you possibly gain that would be worth hurting people ON PURPOSE? That money you love so much? POOF will go up in smoke soon. That house, that car, that job, that person? ALL COULD BE GONE IN AN INSTANT. How dare you play God with other people's lives? You are in danger more than any of your victims. And God help you. Seriously. When our Creator makes things right? God help you.

I am not mincing words. We are either vessels of honor or dishonor and only the Creator knows who is who. I dont want the job of judging that. I just wanted to be allowed to love, and live, and breathe, and dance, and laugh, and drink if I want to without having to feel bad for fucking breathing.

I may offend some of you, and Im sorry for that. Or at least I want to be there. The wishing for it is there regardless ha. I can't...Take it anymore. OH AND then I am an empath so I feel everyone elses pain too and people make that osund so soft and shit, NO. We feel your pain, AND WE FEEL YOUR ANGER, AND YOUR HATE, AND YOUR PERVERTED EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS, AND EVEN YOUR MURDEROUS EMOTIONS. Im tired of people making empaths something to be pitied because we feel everyones pain poor us. We feel every sick disgusting fiber of YOUR being, and somehow have to not let that mix with our own shit, as well as guard our light, and our emotions, and our thoughts ,and hearts, and minds, and bodies FROM ALL OF YOUR SICKNESS INSIDE AND OUT. Okay? This is real talk. So just...Man I might lose some friends for this video but thats okay with me. Weeds out those that aren't supposed to be around me. I am upset today. I am upset that I am upset, and sad, and a little angry, and I miss SOME THINGS about the way my life used to be. But Pattie is gone. Alot is gone. I just pray I don't go with it, someday. Have a good night. <3

previous entry: People Are Evil.......



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