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What Dreams May Come
by Utter Silence

previous entry: Necklace

next entry: Work in Progress

I will get grilled. The world will end.


WhEn PuSh CoMeS tO sHoVe
Well on the good news side. I really think I will be able to get a new car, which is good. Also my brother is back from D.C. for a bit. I don't know when he goes back. He might come with us to look at my car and make sure it is tip-top and perfect. Gracie (our doggie, well one of them) still hasn't had her puppies. But that is all right, as long as it isn't Thursday or Friday I am all right with that. See I don't want to be the first one home when she has her puppies, and I would be on those 2 dates so she isn't allowed to have her puppies then.

On another note, Art is kinda sucking right now. I hate watercolor, but I am working through it. I have no choice, really. My friends think my AP English is weird. You see, I wanted to finish the Unit Evaluation for Unit 2 today, and I did... but I got on and did it during PreCalc cause we had a work day. And I don't even remember what I said, but one of my friends, Kealy just told me to shut up. And then Katie made this really terrible caricature on the board of me. It was just a joke, but what can I say? I take things to personally. I wasn't happy about it, but what can I do? Really?

Psychology wasn't bad, we have everything we need for our experiment on operant conditioning (damn, FF, that is spelled right - I hope. Pretty sure.). But like Art came around and I was working on either my watercolor or my eye paintings, and Andy sat with Kasey and I today. And we started talking about movies. Well he asked if I was gonna go see Friday the 13th, and I said I wasn't because it was a remake and I didn't really like the originals. And of course that I don't go out much. How do you just tell someone that no one wants to hang out with you? How do you explain that you don't get invited to stuff without actually saying it?

We also started talking about cell phones. And Andy had said that he texted Kasey once and Kasey didn't know who it was. I said that happened to me once, with Kealy. I had been trying to call her over the summer and she didn't have my number and didn't know it was me. Eventually she answered or called me back, and found out. What really sucked was that Katie ended up saying something about how "It was Rachel. You never see Rachel outside of school. I only know her from school, why would I want to hang out." All right that is not exactly what she said, but you get the idea. She basically said that I don't do anything outside of school.

So you see it isn't just me. My friends notice it to. Yet they do nothing about it, even when I try and try. One of these days I am just going to stop trying.

In line with this same conversation, I had said how at least I had hung out with Kealy. I never got to hang out with Brittany. I had tried once, we had made plans over MSN to see a movie. I had to work that day so we were going to go at like 7pm and stuff - no big deal. I went home, figured I should shower and stuff, and get a hold of her to iron out the plans. Like I will be there at this time, and meet you here. Do you wanna drive separately or ride together - blah, blah, blah. Well her cousin had threw up ALL over her phone, breaking it so, I could not call her. What did I do? I called Jessica, because I figured Jessica would know. And what do you know! She is at her (Brittany's) house with Jessica and didn't want to do anything that day! We had made plans. I know because I have MSN keep histories and I still have it, and even if I didn't I would know. And I could go into more, but, well, how about I don't and say I did.

Other than that my day wasn't bad. I mean, it wasn't horrible but it wasn't amazing and oh-so-awesome either. I just wish I felt that my friends like me. Sometimes (and this sounds horrible) I wish I would die, but not like that. I wish I could die to see who would come to my funeral. I want to know who would care, and who would cry. I want to know how much I mattered and to who. I don't really want to die, but you get the idea.

On a related and final note. Brittany's b-day is on the 14th (that is V-day, right? Otherwise whatever day V-day is, that is her B-day.). And I don't know what to get her. It won't be anything big.... I was thinking maybe a shirt and some candy. Nothing more than maybe 10-15 bucks, if that. Most of the times I spend like 20-25, but considering I haven't received a single present from her for my b-day for the last 3years I just don't feel like I should. And I know that if I don't I will get questioned. I will get grilled. The world will end, because of it.

- this layout was made by simple layouts.

previous entry: Necklace

next entry: Work in Progress

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Your friends dont sound much like friends. Just know that you dont have to go out of your way to please them, or wait on them to do something. Sounds like you might like art, have you ever tried life drawing? I do it all the time. Take a cruise up to the mall or some heavily populated area, with a sketchbook. Just sketch or doodle the people you see. After a while of sketching you start to get really good at it lol. Plus, you kill two birds with one stone. You get to sketch random weirdos AND shop! woo!

[Betch.|0 likes] [|reply]

-shrugs- I would probably get her something too if I were in your situation, even though she doesn't deserve it.

[~shinelikestars.|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm afraid you just screwed up the opportunity for the perfect pun when you got asked if you were seeing Friday the 13th. Perfect answer was: if my "friends" invite me, then yes. (Stressing the irony on friends.)

[Moonsie|0 likes] [|reply]

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