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Beyond Belief
by A RedSox Fan

previous entry: 697. The last Passover plate taken away from a generation 3 29 2015

next entry: 331. Intermediate view *poem

698. saying by to Nanna, talked to Karen and Passover 4-5-2015


698 saying by to Nanna, talked to Karen and Passover 4-5-2015
Ok, let’s see how much I can recall from this roller-coaster of a week.
I have a great memory. Emotions is my memory’s kryptonite.

Sunday 4P my Nanna passed away in her sleep, peacefully.
I waited till Monday to post it on FB, but wrote about it, and some happy memories on here within the hour of me finding out.

I was initially sad, had some tears but honestly, I did a lot more smiling. I smiled so much for her and all the great memories she provided me over my life. She lived a long, happy and healthy life.

Monday, I don’t remember, I just recall checking FB and here for notes. I did get a call from my best friend, asking if I wanted to go out. I told him thanks but I just wanted to be with my parents.

Tuesday: funeral.
I got dressed up in my suit and went with my parents to the temple where the Limo would pick us up. My older bro was running a bit late so he would meet us at the funeral home and my twin with his wife and son would meet us because of the car seat. We all met at the funeral and was lead to the family room where we were given our instructions and my father has to wear something on his shirt, signifying that it was his mother who passed away. We went to the casket as a family to say our last goodbyes. We then returned to the family room where people came and paid their respect. My father introduced me to a lot of people, many with a story. There was also many family members I haven’t seen since my Pa passed away, 2.5 years ago.

The funeral services would start at 10AM… and about quarter of, the Rabbi came into the family room, said a few blessings with us and then we were lead to the front of the …whatever room the service is held.

My Rabbi got up first, introduced himself and then spoke of my Nanna, saying a few blessings, some in Hebrew but most in both Hebrew and English. My father got up and spoke, it was a very nice speech… well, with my father, it’s better to be said that he told stories. My older brother got up and spoke as well, one story he told directly contradicted a story of my Dad’s and another time, typical of my older brother, took a shot at me… but whatever. He did have some great stories and some that jobbed my memory. I forgot that it was my Nanna who taught us to play go fish, war and blackjack.
The Rabbi asked if anyone else wanted to share memories… He led us in a few more prayers then he led us out of the room and outside. John, my best came up to me and I was pleasantly surprised his mother and her husband had taken a half day off from work too. John put one of his big hands on my shoulder and told me to call him tonight and that he had to get back to work. I thanked them for coming and told them I appreciate them coming.
(Was shocked, none of my sibling’s friends came…)

We headed to the cemetery in the Limo. (Very rudely, even with a police guide, people actually cut the procession line.) We reached the cemetery, it was a bit muddy, we gathered, said a few prayers, as a Jewish custom, my family and I toss dirt onto the casket. (Pail of dirt and a small shovel.). My mom had mentioned some of the other relatives who were there, including my Pa being right next to my Nanna again.

We then went back to the temple where there was some food, and some came back to the temple and some came to just the temple. It was nice to see all the people who came out on this work day to support, to comfort my family and I on this day.

We were there till about 3:30. I went home with Justin, my twin, and his son Devin. Justin had a coupon that expired the following day at this store near my house that was a clothing-sports store. He had a 30% off entire order and a $10 off. I got 2 new Red Sox T-jerseys. One to replace an old one I have already because it was worn. I also bought my friend Lisa a cute Red Sox tank top to wear to the game when we’re out in Oakland. We’re seeing the Red Sox and she was going to buy a shirt, and with this great deal, I figured I would buy it for her. Justin got a hat and Devin got a shirt and some candy. Original price: $138 after coupons $87…not too shabby.

I had called John to see if he wanted to go out for dinner. I said, anything except Chinese, I was going to have it with my brothers the following day plus I had it 2 of the 3 previous days. We decided on Buffalo Wild Wings. I had gone there Sunday afternoon with my twin but that’s ok. So I went out with John and we chatted. We haven’t gone out in a while just me and him so we had things to catch up on. Although it was mostly me that did the talking. Hmm not sure what else I did that night.

I went out for lunch with my brothers. I don’t remember the last time just the 3 of us went out for a meal. It was nice. Actually, Devin came too. He was so good, I forgot he was there. My older brother wanted to go to a comic book store too so they went in there while I stayed in the car listening to the radio. We were back by 1:30.

Another custom in the Jewish religion, is that we “sit Shiva” It’s supposed to last 7 days, but one day was good enough plus we had Pass over to get ready for. (Which I’ll get back to that later) Sitting Shiva means you stay in your house and people come and visit you. They bring food and drinks and whatever. At sundown, we do a service lead by the Rabbi. My Mom called the Shiva to be from 2-7PM. I had figured close to 70 people had came and went in that time. After hearing names my parents mentioning over the following days, it was closer to 100 people. I had seen people who I haven’t seen in a while and some who I never knew. It was very nice but at one point, it did get a bit overwhelming for me, and a bit hot, so I retreated to my room for a bit where I relaxed and cooled down.

I went back up stairs and said hi to more people, including having a conversation with my Rabbi about my SF trip and had a conversation with my Mom’s X best friend. (We won’t go there) and her husband. I was pleasantly surprised that a few people mentioned how beautiful my FB post was. Eventually it was time for the service. There was about 40 people there for that. My Rabbi led us in some prayers and then I spoke, I told some stories. I tried not to cry. I was at peace with my Nanna passing so I tried. I told some of the stories I shared with you guys in the last entry. I love my memory…the waterfall story was true. There was a waterfall with a man-made lake at the apartment my grandparents lived at for so many years. I told 4 stories. One story my older bro had to disagree with me, saying “No, that was Pa.” Then when I said, no it was Nanna. He said “Ok, whatever.” ummm thanks, in front of all these people and I’m trying to keep myself together. ANYWHO, my father spoke, thanking everyone for coming and told a few stories too. Over all, it was all so very nice.

Although, my Mom said something to me after my stories that really pissed me off… I tried not to get too emotional. At one point, I felt like I was going to choke on tears so I stopped, took a breath and continued. So my mom came up to me and said “I am proud of you for not getting emotional.” WTF?! That made me want to go back in time and get emotional. I know she’s not an emotional person and I am but being emotional is a healthy and expected response when talking about a love one you just lost.
The last of the people left about 9:30. My parents went to sleep soon after.

My mom wanted me to empty the dishwasher the following morning and switch-fold the towels that was in the washer. I also had to read my class lesson and do the quiz. Everyone was sleeping by 11:30, I ended up doing all that stuff till close to 2AM. But I didn’t have to worry about it on Thursday.

8:30 AM my phone wring it was my college roommate Jeffrey waking me. He read about my Nanna on my FB and wanted to say he was sorry and to see how I and my family was doing. He also wanted to know if it was ok if he were to add my cousin David as an FB friend. Hmmm to make a long story short, my cousin David who I was very close with in HS and through college, big time wronged me and a lot of others, he turned his life around and I had saw him last year at a funeral and he had sent me a FB friend request Tuesday, the same day as Jeffrey. I had accepted and chatted with him. I told him that I forgave him, even though I didn’t fully. Sometimes you have to leave the past behind. So I told Jeffrey that I was ok with him adding David. Jeffrey got to work so we said our byes.

I had asked Karen on Tuesday if we could chat on Thursday on the phone she said that she was actually driving back to visit her family and could use the company for the 90 min ride. I told her great, to call me when she got on the highway, didn’t matter what time it was.

My phone rang around 10:30 and it was Karen. I told her about the funeral and sitting Shiva. I told her what my older brother said, she was surprised but just like me, she was noticeably bothered about what my Mom said. I don’t remember word for word what she said but I remember the surprise tone in her voice.

She learned me some knowledge about Christianity and the different denominations. It’s all strange to me. She said it’s how different people interpret the Bible. OH I know how she got to that conversation, she told me that a Jehovah Witness came to her door and Karen was feeling a bit silly and said things that… scared the person away which left Karen in a puddle of laughter.

Her dog Mogi was riding shotgun, so I chatted to Mogi for a bit. Mogi loves me. She wags her tail and licks Karen’s phone whenever she hears my voice. I asked Karen about her status on her new job. She said that she’ll probably be starting next week. She’s going to be an assistant manager at a large chain store.
She also told me her plans for the weekend was pretty much just taking care of-playing with her 3.5 month old nephew. She told me that she got him a cute shirt that said “I’m awesome like my aunty.” I love it. I asked her for a picture. She said she would send me one.

I couldn’t wait any longer and I brought something up.

I told her that she had sent me a text last week that made me smile and I reread every day. I asked if she knew what I was talking about. She said no, I don’t.

I told her that she had sent me a text in response to me texting her

(Here is the text convo from last week)
J: Do you ever think of what it would be like if we lived together?
K: mmhhmm sometimes
J: that was what some of my negative thoughts was about the other night.
K: Hmmm?
J: Part of me was thinking of things I can’t do, such as cut your hair or read a book to you. ... But then I think of things I would go out of my way to do for you
J: Like, help you prepare meals, do our laundry and clean the house. And give you lots of cuddles and kisses
K: It doesn’t matter what you wouldn’t be able to do, because the love and support youd give would mean more than cutting my hair *hug*

(Back to the phone call…)
Karen said that she meant every word of it.
(This is where my kryptonite comes into play, I don’t remember most of the rest of the conversation)

J: (at some point) I know I always say that I want to believe that I know you very well and sometimes I know you better than you do but that can’t be true.
K: but it is.

J: You know, a lot of things remind me of you.
Last night, with all those people around, it reminded me of how you told me once that when you are at parties with your family, you pretty much stay by your Dad’s side.
K: mmhhmm
J: well, I was pretty much by myself. It’s kind of like how you’re not outgoing around many people or in certain situations and I’m the same way. As I have told you before, around my close friends and family members, I’m quiet, shy, don’t talk unless spoken to compared to being at work where I’m out going. However, with you, I can be any personality I want to be. If I want to be a chatter bug, I can. If I want to be quiet and reserved, I can be that too. If I want to be silly or serious, if I need to cry, I’m not embarrassed to do that either. I just feel so comfortable with you and I want to believe you are with me too.
K: I am.

I went on a long story of how I see us being together and how all I want is to make her smile every day, to make her happy. How I want to go do things with her. I want to go places. I said, I’m going to San Fran next month and I wish it was you I was going with. I could see us doing lots of traveling and I know that you would go to baseball games with me, even though you don’t really care about it, and the rest of the time we would do whatever you wanted to do. (While on vacation.)

I’m not sure what else I mentioned there, actually, shortly before this, I asked if she thought her parents would like me. She said of course they would.

K: I’m at my parent's house. I’m going to go inside.
J: Ok, sounds good.
K: Jonathan, I love you.
J: Karen, I love you too.
K: I’ll talk to you latah
J: Latah.

I was absolutely beaming, grinning from ear to ear as the cliché goes.
I think it was only the second time she said it first. She’s the one who usually says it as a reply and she also said my name which she never does. It wasn’t like a quick “love you” it was “Jonathan, I love you” I melted. Some people are worth melting for. Hmm I wonder where I heard that from…. Hmmm???

For the rest of Thursday, I was flying, I was feeling good.

WELL… except for work.
The short of it, because the long is very long. I found out that not only did the manager leave, he went to the administrative side of the company, but the assistant manager, the lady I liked working for, was leaving in a month and I found this out from a woman at my work who I never met before. She had a very heavy accent, I couldn’t understand everything she said. She said that she would be looking after the house after a month till they find a new person to run the house. …. WAIT?! WHAT?! The assistant manager had emailed me that morning, telling me what she wanted me to do in the house meeting. No mention of her leaving. I’m sure this decision wasn’t made over night either. The communication in this place… SUCKS HARDCORE.
So it is leaving me feeling like maybe this is my time to go. Maybe I should just focus on this other career and see where it leads me and if it doesn’t lead me anywhere… I’m screwed.

My nephew Devin had slept over Wed and Thurs night. So when I came up stairs, my mom asked if I could go play with Devin, she was cooking and feels bad that he was playing by himself. So I went and played trains with him for a while.

It had been a sort of tradition for me, as my last meal before Passover, to have my favorite pizza, Papa Geno’s pizza. I asked my Dad earlier in the week if he would take me and he said he would. So we went for pizza. I came home and set the dining room table for 15. That took a long while as it usually does. Walking around that big table, putting down 3 plates at each chair, one bigger than the next, then the nice chinaware’s and the wine and water glass. After completing that I went to my room where I did my Friday’s school lesson with the quiz. I then came up to the kitchen to help my mom make the Charosa. (Grinded apples and nuts with cinnamon, sugar and wine) From there I tried to nap, only managed 15 minutes. Although it was an interesting dream. I was watching a wrestling event with Hulk Hogan wrestling and the match was in SF. There was a point in the match where Hulk was on the outside and pulled himself up onto the mat by holding the ropes. The other guy came over and Hulk had suplexed him over the ropes and they both went down to the ground and the place was shaking, and the commentator said that they caused an earthquake and I woke up.

Soon after, I went upstairs and people started coming over for the Pass over Seder. In the past, we have had as many as 30 something people join us. This year it was decided in February, after my cousin Bryan’s passing, it would be just the family. Although friends of my mom’s from the temple, Bobbie and Dena invited themselves. They have been coming for so many years. My mom couldn’t turn them down. Then with my Nanna passing this week, we knew it would be low key.
We still had a nice Seder, each person taking a turn to read from the Hagata as normal with my younger cousin complaining about having to do the 4 questions, and wondering when Devin will be old enough to do them and me doing my part, saying the blessing for the wine. Once the Seder was completed, we started on our 5 course meal. It was all so good as always. My mom did an unbelievable job cooking considering the cooking-cleaning she had to do with the hand she was dealt this week.

It was a nice Seder and so Passover begins.

I hope everyone has a happy Easter or a nice relaxing Passover.

Let’s chill, till the next episode

P.S. I’m going to write an entry all about Karen so the newbies understand who she is and the love I have for her while my long timers understand why she is even mentioned after the pain she put me through

previous entry: 697. The last Passover plate taken away from a generation 3 29 2015

next entry: 331. Intermediate view *poem

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Sounds like a beautiful service. 1 of the awesome things about the south, well Texas is all I know, is that we respect funeral processions highly. One of my greatest memories of when my mom died, I was 6 yrs old, is the cars that pulled over & some people actually got out & stood road side. Men took their hats off. It was amazing. I still tear up when I think of it.

[twistedlady|0 likes] [|reply]

oh... that's beautiful, love.

[Ethan JamesStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Really?? Cause I don't want to come off as... patronizing.. lol

[twistedlady|0 likes] [|reply]

ryn: thanks!

[Greta GarbageStar|0 likes] [|reply]

So sorry I'm just now getting to this.
It sounds like your Nanna's services were beautiful. I don't get why your mom would be proud that you were holding back emotion. You just had a death in the family...even the strongest most macho no emotion men at least show a bit of sadness, if not cry. What's so wrong with that?
What a sweet conversation with Karen. I really really really hope things work out this time. I really do.

[Mrs. Evans|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: 697. The last Passover plate taken away from a generation 3 29 2015

next entry: 331. Intermediate view *poem

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