Writing this down before I convince myself otherwise. 4:16AM. I have been avoiding my boyfriend, sub and step-son for um a few days because I keep on blacking out and I don't want them to know (or be alone with the little-un and traumatise him). I feel so lightheaded I've taken to wearing a beanie when possible cos it helps me feel my head somehow lol. Today i went to buy cigarettes at the servo and you know those sliding doors that open close automatic? Fucked with my head so bad I felt like I was going to fall over walking through them. Not going there again. Then I went and sat on the lawn and felt so sick I was afraid to walk home. Hours later I finally did. I think I need to take some time off work which Luke will be happy about. Or maybe I should just switch to only taking incalls. Yeah. And I'll see Gabriel at his dads house instead of bringing him here that way I won't be alone with him for much of the time and Giovanni and I can hang out like a couple of homies. Hopefully he'll agree to that and Luke should be happier with me at home where I'm safe and blah blah blah. God I'm surprised he hasn't attached one of those dog locating chip things in me. Lol. Blah hope I can get work doing incalls... i'll keep my regulars as outcalls though... Ah I'm just writing exactly what I'm thinking now lol ok let's finish this up and try to sleep (ha ha ha thats a joke right). You should see this weird... thing... ah nevermind.
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