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all.is.vanity's Diary
by all.is.vanity

previous entry: clear the air.

next entry: the takeover.

What a mess.

06/07/2009

I feel so ill, I don't know if I can form sentences.

Rich is in the hospital.

I came home from work at 12.30am, and I don't know what made me look in for him - yeah, I'd got some of the birthday cake from the function, and went to give him a slice, only to find that he'd cut himself worse than I've ever seen. It was everywhere, he looked... dead - my heart pounded wildly until I was reassured that he was alive by him laughing at my scream of horror.

I ran and got a towel, wrapped it round his arm as he laughed at me and pushed me away. "Do you think this is fucking funny?" He did, apparently. I told him I was driving him to the hospital, he needed stitches, and he refused, laughing, telling me to fuck off. "If you won't come with me, I'll phone an ambulance!" Fuck off, fuck off, you wouldn't dare - I took out my phone. 9 - 9 - get in the car unless you want one more 9. He decided the car was the better option.

I kept stalling the car, too panicked to even get it into first as he just sat back and laughed at me. I don't know what was so fucking funny. "Stop it, it's not a joke! Stop laughing!" just made it even more hilarious.

Eventually made it to A&E - god, a Saturday night in A&E, it's hideous - although we didn't wait long at all, probably because the towel was soaked through and he was getting paler and quieter - the laughter fading as the reality sank in. I know that someone from the psychiatry department came to talk to him - I know, because while they stitched him up, she talked to me - not about Rich, but me. "I know, I know - but what about you? Are YOU okay?" He's the one bleeding everywhere, and am I okay?! I kept saying - I'm fine, I'm fine - what's happening? But the more she brushed off questions about him and continued to ask if I was okay, the more panicked I became - was I okay? Not really, no. I told her everything - that I was living with him, that I was trying to help him, look after him, but he doesn't want my fucking love... and before I knew what was happening, I was crying my eyes out to some random psychiatrist I hadn't even intended to speak to. He's the one bleeding to death, and I get the counselling?!

Well. He's staying overnight, because of the amount of blood he lost - and the psychiatrist wants to talk to him - although she told me she doesn't think he's suicidal, because it's his forearm, not inside - it's a cry for help - and I guess, maybe it's best that he did it - at least now... someone is going to talk to him and find out what's going on in his head.

And am I okay?

I think so. Shocked, upset, worried... but okay.

previous entry: clear the air.

next entry: the takeover.

0 likes, 12 comments

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wow.. i wonder whats going on that he would do that.

[.It's-Kiki.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

i used to think i got pretty down in the dumps but never cut myself like that.. its amazing how much lower you can go when you feel youve hit rock bottom and someone just passes you.

[.It's-Kiki.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

oh my god how fucking scary! glad you came home when you did. the guy needs counseling its obvious... how dare him do that to you or himself. im so sorry nick. i really am. i'm here if you need to talk. loves xx x xx x

♥Lacy

[ღMonsoonStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Jesus - I'm so sorry. I really wish it hadn't gotten to this but as you said - maybe it will make people start taking it seriously. Even if he isn't suicidal, he isn't healthy. I hope you're able to get some rest while someone else is looking after him. <3

[Saoirse|+|SiochainStar|0 likes] [|reply]

thanks for the comment


wow you had a pretty eventful day. good thing your friend is okay...and that you found him!! hopefully he can get help..it's what he needs. & i know how hard it is being on the other side..the friend who is trying to help but nothing you do will work or get through to them because of what is going on in their mind. it fucking sucks.

but at least your there for him.. and at the end of the day that is what matter & in the long run .. he will be thanking you for it.


oh & at least you got some free counseling today too... that is always a plus..

[Chrissylee.|0 likes] [|reply]

i would have panicked had i been in your shoes... hope he'll be better soon!

[MuggleMe|0 likes] [|reply]

hey you, i hope you're ok kinda worried since i haven't seen ya all day... let me know!!

♥Lacy

[ღMonsoonStar|0 likes] [|reply]

ryc; ahh yes, everyone is a diva (:
they just need to learn to embrace it like we do

[lovegame.|0 likes] [|reply]

D: Holy god, what an awful situation.
I hope that he recovers quickly, and gets the help he needs.
I also hope that you feel better, what a shitty situation to be thrust into, but I am glad that you got there when you do, and not later.

My hopes go out to you both, don't break ♥
ryc:: Thank you. I should get around to writing a better entry, discussing my days, instead of mere moments.

[l'etoileStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Thank you

[Saoirse|+|SiochainStar|0 likes] [|reply]

Thank you

[Saoirse|+|SiochainStar|0 likes] [|reply]

WOW.
I am glad that you did what you did.
I know that it was hard.
But it was the right thing.
She was asking about you because you found him and you really need to talk to someone. Although you're worried about him, I think that you might have some problems too, ya know. It's affecting you, dealing with him, you know?? It's hurting you....and you really might should talk to someone. Did you talk to her? About you? Or about how you felt? I'm really sorry.
Really sorry.
I'll read your next entry when I get back from lunch.
Lots of (((hugs)))

[~*Jodi*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: clear the air.

next entry: the takeover.

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