*3*

I feel like I want to give up. I wont but that is how I feel. I hate feeling that way. I hate crying. I have stopped crying in front of people a looong time ago. So right now...no one really knows I cry anymore. Unless they assume from the red eyes, which is rare considering I cry when everyone is asleep. I never let my kids see me when I am upset anymore. I am a single parent and I have to remain strong for them. They know that it is ok to cry. But I am their rock, their strength. I cant afford for them to see me upset and think that they cant come to me about anything for fear that I may be upset. So I stay strong. I always have a smile for them.

Tomorrow...I have to break their hearts. I was just told that their daddy is moving out of state. Now I am not upset at him leaving. We never got along and he never let me have guy friends (even now that we arent together he will cause a scene and argument). But I hate that he is leaving the kids. He rarely saw them as it was. He never bought them anything (except an Easter basket). My kids are 7, 5, 2, and almost 2 months. He's never bought diapers or food or anything. But the kids did love him. I hate that when I tell the kids tomorrow that he is leaving...i know that it will hurt them. I dont want to hurt them. Not even a little.

Please keep them in your thoughts as they go through this little emotional bump...

-M-

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