*2*

I get too attached too soon. Why must I do that? I only end up hurt worse. I am tired of crying and feeling that pain in my chest. The one guy that I thought would never hurt me....told me couldnt deal with me and had to disappear... ive known him over 8 years...never slet with him, never kissed him, nothing. Did I love him? Yes. Am I IN LOVE with him? I dont think I am... It had come up in conversation that we like each other and figured we'd give it a shot, once we figured a way around the distance (since i had moved away). I am 27...him? Well...he is 41. He is my best friend. or was I just dont get why I scare guys away.

I dont think I am desperate...but I am lonely. I dont go looking for love...i let it find me. That's what I was told. "Dont look for it, let it come to you". So I wait...and wait. and wait. But I still get hurt. They come around...I dont jump into anything. But they come...and I am cautious (but not too much). Yet after a week to a few months of talking and getting to know each other...they disappear. No reason. They just stop talkin to me. At first I thought I wasnt meeting their standards when it came to looks...but then I thought no, that cant be it since they talk to me to begin with. So what it is the deal?!

~M

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