*4* Surgery

I go for surgery tomorrow. and i know that it is a fairly routine procedure. but i am scared. so in case i never get to say anything...i am gonna do many confessions on here.
* Levi, I really thought that maybe there was some chemistry between us. I am not mad that you had lied about having a gf. i am use to it.
* Blake, you truly were the best friend i had. I could tell you anything and I never got a single ounce of judgement from you.
* Jane...during your transition from male to female...you helped be overcome my fear of my husband and helped give me the strength to leave him at the same time you found the strength to tell your family about you.
* Wil, I liked you but I just could not allow myself to be used for sex. I wanted love.
* Brittnie, I forgive you. (even though u dont know i was upset) that you hung out with my ex fiancee after he raped me. I left town because I was scared of him. But you became his friend. Now, I wonder if our children are siblings. But I do not want to know the answer. I want you to know that it was him that robbed you that day at the store. I also found out that the money he stole was what he used to buy my engagement ring.
* Matt, you will never know my baby girl. You chose to walk away when you found out you had gotten me pregnant. but I am not mad about it. I forgive you for it. i fell for you but it was just too intense for you. i just wish my daughter didnt have to lose a father because of me.

*to my family. i have went through a lot. in secret that you knew nothing about. i was raped and molested and beat. but you will never know. you only ever knew about the laughs and smile that came from me. not the tears. please know that i was happy. even through everything that has happened to me. i do not regret anything, for everything made me who i am today. a great and strong mother.

8 hours until the begin to cut. as i have said, it is a fairly simple and routine procedure but you never know when complications may arise.
my heart is right with God, should anything happen.
my kids are taken care of and have a forever home no matter what.

i love you all. i hope to be back to say this all went fine
~M~

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