DeVisualise Add Fave Search
Not Logged In
0
Your Username:
Your Password:

[ sign up | recover ]

Twixie's Diary
by Twixie

previous entry: Venting my frustrations

next entry: Are we safe now?

Some Progress

11/11/2010

This pregnancy keeps getting stranger and stranger all the time.  I am 10 weeks today, and aside from being super tired, I haven’t experienced any of the symptoms others have.  I don’t get morning sickness, I am not “hormonal” nor do I feel like I’m forgetting everything.  The only thing that’s changing is my body, and that sends me a bit into panic mode every morning.  I have resorted to wearing sweater dresses every day because they are forgiving and stretchy, but cute at the same time.  Last Sunday Dex and I went to watch a football game with his classmates, and against one girl’s advice I ate about 400 wings, and I’m not even kidding.  I had to wash them down with nasty Kool-Aid because drinking beer would be out of the question.  Although, I wonder if drinking Kool-Aid with all its artificial ingredients would be worse for baby than drinking beer, which is basically barley, water, yeast and hops.  Who knows?

 

 

 

I’ve been waiting to tell most people in my family about the pregnancy.  We just got married, so it’s going to be a big surprise to all.  I do hope they react well to the news, especially since it will be my parents’ first grandchild. I think I’ll probably wait until thanksgiving.

 

 

 

Finally, I read something online that I have to post here.  My friend’s sister who just had a baby e-mailed me the link, but I think I have to share.  She thinks all these things are good to do, but to be completely honest, I can’t ever see myself asking for this from family and friends!  I don’t know much about parenthood, but I was raised with a minimum amount of decency and I think this advice is outrageous.  Just because you have a baby you shouldn’t expect people to be your maids.  Anyways, here is the article.  Tell me what you think, especially if you’ve had to deal with a hewborn:

After the Birth, what a family needs

 “Let me know if I can help you in any way when the baby is born.” … “Just let me know if you need a hand.” … “Anything I can do, just give me a call.”

Most pregnant women get these statements from friends and family but shy away from making requests when they are up to their ears in dirty laundry, unmade beds, dust bunnies and countertops crowded with dirty dishes. The myth of “I’m fine, I’m doing great, new motherhood is wonderful, I can cope and my husband is the Rock of Gibraltar” is pervasive in postpartum land.If you’re too shy to ask for help and make straight requests of people, I suggest sending the following list out to your friends and family. These are the things I have found to be missing in every house with a new baby. It’s actually easy and fun for outsiders to remedy these problems for the new parents but there seems to be a lot of confusion about what’s wanted and needed…

1. Buy us toilet paper, milk and beautiful whole grain bread. 

2. Buy us a new garbage can with a swing top lid and 6 pairs of black cotton underpants (women’s size____).

3. Make us a big supper salad with feta cheese, black Kalamata olives, toasted almonds, organic green crispy things and a nice homemade dressing on the side. Drop it off and leave right away. Or, buy us frozen lasagna, garlic bread, a bag of salad, a big jug of juice, and maybe some cookies to have for dessert. Drop it off and leave right away. 

4. Come over about 2 in the afternoon, hold the baby while I have a hot shower, put me to bed with the baby and then fold all the piles of laundry that have been dumped on the couch, beds or in the room corners. If there’s no laundry to fold yet, do some.

5. Come over at l0 a.m., make me eggs, toast and a 1/2 grapefruit. Clean my fridge and throw out everything you are in doubt about. Don’t ask me about anything; just use your best judgment. 

 

 

 

6. Put a sign on my door saying “Dear Friends and Family, Mom and baby need extra rest right now. Please come back in 7 days but phone first. All donations of casserole dinners would be most welcome. Thank you for caring about this family.” 

7. Come over in your work clothes and vacuum and dust my house and then leave quietly. It’s tiring for me to chat and have tea with visitors but it will renew my soul to get some rest knowing I will wake up to clean, organized space. 

  8. Take my older kids for a really fun-filled afternoon to a park, zoo or Science World and feed them healthy food. 

9. Come over and give my husband a two hour break so he can go to a coffee shop, pub, hockey rink or some other r & r that will delight him. Fold more laundry.  

10. Make me a giant pot of vegetable soup and clean the kitchen completely afterwards. Take a big garbage bag and empty every trash basket in the house and reline with fresh bags.

 

These are the kindnesses that new families remember and appreciate forever. It’s easy to spend money on gifts but the things that really make a difference are the services for the body and soul described above. Most of your friends and family members don’t know what they can do that won’t be an intrusion. They also can’t devote 40 hours to supporting you but they would be thrilled to devote 4 hours. If you let 10 people help you out for 4 hours, you will have the 40 hours of rested, adult support you really need with a newborn in the house. There’s magic in the little prayer “I need help.”

First posted online August 2001

 

 

 

 

previous entry: Venting my frustrations

next entry: Are we safe now?

0 likes, 5 comments

[ | add comment ]

Add Comment

Add Comment

Please enter the following WHITE digits in the box below.

Confirmation Code

Every pregnant woman is different. Be happy you have none of those symptoms..

[Tiffani|0 likes] [|reply]

I do have to say that the "bring food, then leave" idea is genius. If only i was pregnant i would use this excuse as much as possible!

do you/dex have a lot of friends who will help you out if you were to need it?

[LNStar|0 likes] [|reply]

I don't think I would ask for those requests. Maybe some remade meals or some help around the house or an hour to go grab a cup of coffee by myself? I still can't see myself asking for those things, even if I wanted those things though.

[xo heatherStar|0 likes] [|reply]

What? Are you kidding me? Who makes those requests? you choose to have a kid, you work out the details of how your life will change because of that decision.

[Madeline RainStar|0 likes] [|reply]

In my group of friends, we have a "casserole crew". When someone has a death in the family, a new baby, whatever, we all get together and bring meals to the family. Sometimes it's nice just to not have to worry about dinner. I would never ask someone to come clean my house, though. That's just weird.

[BeautifulBrownEyesStar|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: Venting my frustrations

next entry: Are we safe now?

Diary added to your faves.
Online Friends
Offline Friends