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Operation Impending Doom
by ~Tak~

previous entry: Post Traumatic Test Disorder

next entry: Agony

Alcoholism

10/28/2010

I'm having flashbacks. Alcoholism runs in my family - my mother was an alcoholic, my cousin is becoming and alcoholic, my aunt is definitely a functional alcoholic, and my uncle ... well, I don't think he is, but he used to be pretty borderline. My paternal grandmother is also an alcoholic. Dad used to drink a little too much but I don't think he was ever as bad as the people already mentioned and is able to drink in moderation now.

I could cry. My cousin and I just got back from seeing a movie and he is going to get some beer now that he's dropped me off. My aunt is drunk right now. When I came in she was on the phone talking to an old friend, then to me on and on in a drunken, slurry voice about the good old days and people I've never met. I smile, nod, and make small talk while staying as far away from any sensitive subject (such as my cousin's aspergers syndrome, the fact that he doesn't have a job, or anything to do with my mother or family members with whom my aunt doesn't get along).

When I'm around really drunk people, especially older women, I tend to get wary. Drunk people are so unpredictable. It's like being around someone in the grip of a psychosis. Drunk people are dangerous. I have such deep scars from the alcoholics in my life it's a wonder I drink at all, ever. I drink on occasion but not every night to the point of intoxication. I am afraid right now.

Mom used to drink, drink, drink in secret. I didn't know what exactly was happening when I was little but I must have known on some level because I was emotionally...disturbed...and always acting out up until they finally beat it out of me around 5th grade or so. Then I withdrew into my shell and didn't come out again until I was about 19 or 20. That's when I started smoking weed and it really helped me calm down enough to face the universe again.

Anyway...I just had to talk about this because it hurts. I am signing off because I can't stand to be around my aunt who is wasted and watching Oprah. More on this later maybe.

-Tak

previous entry: Post Traumatic Test Disorder

next entry: Agony

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I think my parents are alcoholics... but at the same time I'm afraid to call them that. My ex husband was an alcoholic among other things.... I don't drink... except a glass of wine rarely. My parents drink all weekend... they announce at about 3:30pm... "It's Beer 30!".... and what pains me is the reason they didn't visit me during my hospitalization on that Saturday that visiting hours were from 4:30-7:30pm.... was because it would interrupt their 'routine'... meaning... their drinking.

My parents.. I can tell when they are drunk... they slur... they get irritable.... my dad's blood sugar goes wonky.... I totally feel ya.

My parents used to go for drives.. okay... they'd go on base and get a six pack.... and then they'd drive all over Dudley (NC)... and drink while they were doing it... and throw the beer bottles or cans out the window...

That upset me... (is it bad that at the time it upset me more that they were littering)....

They don't do that anymore.... Oh... I could go on and on.... I think that was the start of my 'traumatization'... then I met my ex husband... so on and so forth.

I'm sorry... sometimes my mouth (Or in this case my hands)... override my brain and I go too far in what I'm talking about...

When I could have simply said.. "I can relate"

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