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--SN0W_WHITE
by SN0W_WHITE♫

previous entry: [.97] HOORAY!

next entry: [.99] WELL!

[.98] Some good news and another update I forgot to mention.

02/28/2012

T
Well the phone interview went well. I was a little insecure about it because how I seem to stumbly on my words when put on the spot. They emailed me last night asking me to come in for another interview, to meet their kids and such and get a feel for what I would be doing. This job has so many amazing benefits, 400 dollars a week, paid vacation and holiday. and they will provide me with a membership to the YMCA so I can work out when I want to. I'm so excited... I want to lose way more weight and look good, I know I can be hot if I lost the weight I need to. But anyway, I'm really hoping I get this job.... I'll cry tears of joy if I do, and cry hysterically if I don't. All I want is to work with kids, & I can never get my foot in the door. Please, it would mean a lot if you all pray for me, idk when my interview is yet, I know it's either Saturday or Sunday. But please all keep me in your prayers, I need this job to keep my apartment.


On to other news, it's sad news. But I forgot to mention in my last update that one of my best friends killed himself, while being chased by the cops back in September, His name was Ricky, and he was put on probation for things he never did. His girlfriend left him and stole his street bike, so he went one night to scope out her place to see where it was, and she saw him and called the cops and he slapped a years' probation.... And right before it was up, she called and said that he hit her... TOTAL LIE. and he got slammed with another year. Then one night Ricky went out of state to pick up his brother from his military base, (since he graduated Basic Training.) and Rick's stepdad called the cops and said that Ricky violated probation by leaving the state, so automatically Ricky had a warrant out for his arrest. They didn't find him for a while, and Ricky was already depressed because his family had disowned him, he was in love with a stripper named JB who was clearly using him, and I kept telling him "Rick, you're hot as shit. you have so many girls who want to be with you and you're wasting your time on a stripper, I'm sorry, but she's using you and you're not going to get anything out of her." But he didn't listen, he stole for her to buy her expensive drinks, he cooked and cleaned her house for her, he took her dogs out for walks while she was out, he drove her everywhere, then one night while Alex and Ricky were out, Ricky saw JB with another guy and was heart broken.. The Monday before he died, he went to his church and confessed his sins and asked for the Lord's forgiveness. The father didn't give it to him and Rick said that he'd rather die then go back to jail, said that he had a 9 mm in his glovebox with 100 round hollow bullets and stuff, and he left. Well. The Father called the police and they were on the search for Rick.... That night Rick called Alex, drunk. Told Alex he wanted to kill himself but couldn't pull the trigger, and said that he had just called his mom and begged her to forgive him and let him come back home (cus he was sleeping in his car, sometimes he'd come stay with Alex and me when we were staying with the crack head, he'd come sleep on the couch most nights and take a shower.) and she told him to go fuck himself and that he wasn't a part of the family anymore... Alex told him he was gonna wake me up and we were gonna go get him. and Ricky told him not to wake me up because he didn't want to upset me ... How could I ever be upset with Rick when he was always there for me when I needed him, he's the only person who always gave me reassurance about Alex and told me that Alex really loved me and wanted to be with me, Ricky always told me how I was like family to him and called his brother one night when I said his brother used to make fun of me in high school and told him he was a dick for it and that I was the sweetest girl he's ever met, and when this guy wouldn't leave me alone Ricky went outside and called him and told him if he ever saw his name in my phone again whether it be phone call or text he was gonna kill him... He always protected me.. and it really upsets me that he thought I would have gotten upset. But anyway, Alex told him to come to our house to spend the night and Ricky said he was on his way. Well, 10 minutes from our house, Ricky was spotted by state troopers and they began to chase him, Ricky leaned out the window and shot at the police cars and disabled one, kept driving, and they chased him for 20 minutes, they blew out his tire, but Ricky kept going, they shot out the other tire and Ricky kept going...

Ricky was 5 minutes from our house when he leaned over, and shot himself in the head...
I can't remember the last time a death affected me this much... I miss him every day. We had plans to move to Florida, start a new life. Alex, me and Rick had settled on it months ago and we were so dead set on it happening. We couldn't wait.

For the first week I dreampt of Ricky, he came to me in my dreams and told me that he faked his death to get off probation so that we could move to Florida, and looked so good... The next night we went to pool league, it was so different walking into the bar and not seeing Ricky, and I was talking to his brothers girlfriend, and she told me she had a dream about Ricky, and I asked her what it was about, and said "I don't know why, but me, Rick, and Chris and the rest of the family were in Florida... " and I cried instantly, the night I dream that Rick faked his death for us to move to Florida, was the night she dreamed that we were IN Florida, I told her all about our plans and we just sat there and cried.... I still can't believe it... At least I know he's in his own paradise. I mis him more and more everyday and sometimes I feel like I'm going insane without his assurance. And sometimes I feel like I see Ricky's face. Last night I thought I saw him at the bar where we always used to go to. It was a quick second but I know I saw it. and I see it often. Ricky shouldn't have died... it's really sad. and I love him so much....

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Ricky, rest easy. I'm so lucky to have a guardian angel like you. You were so handsome, and you had a lot going for you, I know life wasn't fair to you, and it was hard, but I had such faith in you to overcome those battles. At least the last thing you ever said to me was how much you loved me, and how we were your family, you would do anything for us because we were the only people there for you... and "You're the shit.." is the last thing you said to me before you died.


I wish you were still here...

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Mmm...Yes please.

previous entry: [.97] HOORAY!

next entry: [.99] WELL!

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