♫ Black Wedding by In This Moment ♫
So, I don't really know where to start. Let's start with the thing that is mostly on my mind lately.
I decided that I would be friends with benefits with this guy that comes into town once a week for work. Get all the benefits of everything, but not the attachments that a normal relationship would need.
This guy is great. If I had been looking for a relationship beyond friendship and sexual, he would almost be perfect. He messages me in the morning to say good morning beautiful as well as at night. He makes me laugh and smile, I don't feel judged with him, and I can be myself. Which is great. He's got 2 kids which doesn't bother me at all, because well, I like kids, but at the same time, this relationship isn't going to go anywhere where I will meet them. The problem that took this from a great thing to something that has taken this great fun, amazing thing, and turned it into well fuck.... He told me he was married when we met, and that he's in an open relationship. I find out after a few times of us being together that his relationship isn't open. The part of the world that I live in, is very open to open relationships, so I didn't question it. Now, if it was an open relationship, it's one thing, but I find that even though now I know that this guy isn't in a open marriage, I don't really care. I don't want to end what we have, which is a friendship with great sex. The part that makes me feel bad is that there is a woman out there that doesn't know her husband is fucking around on her.
I was just reading back from our initial texts and all I can do is smile and enjoy them. I don't want that to go away and I feel horrible for not overly caring about this poor woman. But I also am in the mind set right now, that it's not my problem. Terrible I know, but I am going to keep doing what I do with him because we both enjoy it and don't want anything more beyond what it is that we have.
Then there is the car.
my car is almost written off, it's borderline. by all is said and done. $12,000 damage to a car that is 3 months old. There was only panel damage done to her, but still, ugh it makes me so sad. The guy that's fixed my cars for the past 14 years said that he has a surprise for me when I bring it back in to get some of the modules replaced. I've known Cam for the last 18 years.
I am worried about my job, since the business isn't busy and everyone is looking for jobs. If I wasn't paid so well to do what I do, I would be right along side them. I am hoping that they are saying that it's worse then it actually is. However, our one sales man who's been with the company for 24 years will be giving his notice tomorrow. I'm not sure if he's giving 2 weeks or if he's done that day. But this isn't a good thing. We don't have a stable Service manager, Our branch manger is relatively new at the job, and our Parts manager has been under so much stress with everything as he's one of the only people who knows what the hells going on. I'm not sure what the hell to do. I don't know if they are going to make it to be honest. But I will stick with it since I like my job and I'm paid really well. I've told them that I am more then willing to take on extra stuff if they need me to, since I only do about an hours work a day.
So much to contemplate.
My dad is being an ass as well. He pretty much forgot my birthday. I got a "sorry I was busy driving, happy birthday girl." text from him. that's all. I asked him to go out for supper before he left to drive across country to see my grandparents, he said no. That was 2 days before my birthday. I'm not sure what he's doing now, I get a random text from him every now and then, I don't even know when he goes back to work. That's how good at communication my dad is.
hmmm Well I'm going to print this off and put it in my actual journal when I get home. I've taken to trying to write. I'm tired and I want to scream and just close my mind off to everything.
There were some positives that I will try to write about later.
- R. |
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