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Retribution.
by quid.pro.quo.

previous entry: Bah. Women.

What a god awful empty relationship.

06/05/2009

Rant about my relationship with a certain woman.

Okay, where to begin? I've been with this girl Becky for almost a year now and the cracks are already appearing. She isn't like any other woman who responds to romantic gestures and affectionate words. It's like im trying to romance a brick wall.. actually I might try it on a wall and see if i get lucky. When we're together sometimes its like normal everyday relationship where we share things and talk about almost everything but it almost always changes when we're outside. She doesn't like showing affection AT ALL outdoors. The most I get is me trying desperately to cling onto her hand and not letting go. I mean what's changed since we left the house? or is she ashamed to be seen with me? I keep thinking about those sort of things over and over whilst were out somewhere.

I've been in one serious relationship prior to this one that I'm in now. That lasted five wonderous years. I keep comparing my present relationship to my previous one and it seems to me like I'm not with a woman who cares for me, or even loves me. It feels like I'm just hanging out with a friend and its driving me insane.

I tell her that I love her, and I do but when she says it back I can almost hear the reluctance in her voice. My friends tell me that she's only with me for my money, which everyone knows is slowly being tapped out. She makes me buy her everything, and of course me, being the smitten idiot that I am, gets whatever she wants, whenever she wants. She constantly wants alcohol and cigarettes.. and some unmentionables I of course get them, in copious amounts.

It's getting to the point where its affecting me physically. I'm drinking more and smoking more because she does and I've tried drugs because she urged me. I know its not healthy and I've stopped using for a while now but part of me is thinking that shes an awful influence on me and on top of that I have feelings for her so it makes it very hard for me to say no.

I just want to get my life back on track. No more drugs and binge drinking etc etc. I want my life back to normal but at the same time I don't want to be alone. I have friends but I think that they all look down on me because I'm such a pushover when it comes to Becky.

I just feel trapped inside my own head, and bloop seems to be my only release. I can't tell anyone or she'll find out and it could all get more complicated. I love her but at the same time I'm thinking that this is just a one way relationship. I'm having second thoughts about the entire thing and even going as far as thinking that i'll be way better off without her.

Well, I hope someone out there has answers for me 'cause I certainly don't.

Peace

previous entry: Bah. Women.

0 likes, 6 comments

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I don't know this Becky girl, but I think that you can do better than a forced I love you and desperate hand holding and someone using you for your money and encouraging you to do drugs. You don't have to be alone. I'm sure that you could find another woman with a quickness if you wanted to, so I'd start looking elsewhere and eventually cut this one loose. She's going to use up all your good energy, then leave you feeling like crap. If she's acting like this now, it will not get any better. You know what you want in a relationship and it doesn't sound like any of the things you wrote about her fit on your list of wants. You aren't a doormat. Don't let her control who you are and your feelings and your actions. Be your own man. Man up and walk away if you have to. You might love her, but these are not the thoughts of a guy who is in love with his woman.

[~*Jodi*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

ryc: Actually I do not think that you are stupid at all. You should read some of the things that I have done - lol! We all do things to not be lonely and/or to keep the one that we think we want. I think it's rather normal that you're still with her. I just think that you can do better, and hopefully you will.

Taking a break will probably do you a lot of good - and her too. It might make her miss you and realize what she has, or it might make you realize that you're better than that. You should be happy to see her, excited, thrilled, butterflies in the tummy and all that comes with being in love. Sometimes we mistake love with being 'in' love.

Sometimes we want someone so badly that we try to ignore the signs that they are not who is right for us. I do it, too.

I'm adding you to my faves, if you don't mind.

[~*Jodi*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I am sending you positive vibes and wishing you the best of luck!!

[~*Jodi*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

boo to boyfriends, rather. this one is a toal loser. hes drunk in my room and i dunnno wot to do wit him.

[~FuNk5till3!~|0 likes] [|reply]

erm. yeah. i heard you went to leave a message on his diary. Why'd you bother?
and no he doesnt usually, but that particular night it was a bit annoying, but then so were you, getting your nose into it

[~FuNk5till3!~|0 likes] [|reply]

although, from reading this, you do sound a lot like my boyfriend.
about ur girl, becky i mean my bf is always after affection and stuff and sometimes he says i dont show it enough. but what either of you dont realize is that sometimes a girl wants to walk along without a man hanging off her. its not cos we dont like you, or we're ashamed of you, we just wanna be independant and really dont see the need for all that kushty lovey mush 100% of the time.

[~FuNk5till3!~|0 likes] [|reply]

previous entry: Bah. Women.

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