Dear Diary,
I'm sorry I've neglected you. It's been a time of self-reflection.
I think I've found the meaning of life. I was reading around on Facebook (is anything ever insightful there?) and came across a post. It was from some gothic type girl, who think she knows everything about life and is a tortured soul... She posted something along the lines of lifeless souls walking this earth (or some shit). It really got me thinking.
I really think I figured out the meaning of life. Do I sound ridiculous yet?
First off, I have come to the conclusion that "God" or any sort of invisible being with super powers is fiction. That isn't the point, or up for debate, but I do believe it plays a part.
As much as I would like to believe in karma, I am not sure I believe in it to the extent that everybody else does. I do believe in right place, right time, and doing good things and good things will come. I fully believe that being a good person involves not being naive, not putting yourself into shitty situations, and making good judgement calls. Obviously, much more, but this is tying into my karma belief.
All of my life, I have been a taker. I have used resources from this earth and not given back. I have cried and bitched and moaned that this world owes me something, when this world doesn't owe me shit. I have sat on my ass and waited for my life to change. This is why depressed people are lazy. Or maybe I just have more will-power. I think a little of both.
So, I get to my point: The meaning of life is all about self-fulfillment. Why sit around waiting for your life to change? Why choose to be depressed, sad, angry? Yes, CHOOSE. Grow up! If you made kids, raise them. Stop smoking, drinking, taking drugs, etc. You are worried about the world being bad influence on your kids? YOU are the bad influence! You need to be the best person you can be.
Let me touch back on choosing your emotions. Do I think that all forms of depression is a choice? Absolutely not. Self pity and wallowing, yes. I believe there are conditions in your brain you cannot control. Addiction is not one of them. I am sorry, but I believe that anyone can stop an addicting habit. You have to want it bad enough. I did it with cigarettes and caffeine. I stopped and had no side effects. It wasn't a process, it was just done. I had the will power not become addicted to anything heavier, thank "God". (Or even try it).
Back to the meaning of life. I think as well that a big part of our lives is giving back to what we have been taking from this world. We are doing nothing but knocking each other down to get ahead. Why not give back to the world? I'm not saying "Go Green", all hardcore or anything like that, but do something personal to help one another out. I am getting my degree to become a counselor. I believe that when I graduate, I will be giving back every day. I am helping people.
Open a door for someone! Go out of our way to do something kind, have some compassion, and remember that everyone is a human being! Forgive something petty, smile more, and let things roll off your back. Why is everything so personal?
I am not perfect. Not by any means. I have a long way to go before I am the person I want to be. I don't want to be angry anymore. I get mad way too easily.
The perfect me would: Be taking care of her family, be helping others in need, never say a bad thing about others, donating unwanted items, donating to a charity, have good relationships with friends and family, not be naive enough to be taken advantage of.
We all need to grow up.
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In other news, I got my period, no baby right now. I cried every time I got a negative result, and I was obsessed with getting pregnant for a little while. I've decided to wait, I need to get things in order. Like, a bigger house. I have me, Daniel, David, Tyler, and soon to be Koby, and Hannah and Joseph in a two bedroom apartment. Ai-yi-yi.
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