Our kids don’t come with an instruction manual. Haven’t you heard this saying millions of times? Unless you actually have kids, you don’t truly know the meaning.
Seven years ago on the 17th, my oldest son David was born. I am a researcher, I like to Google, ask other opinions, to try and find the best and most acceptable option for me. When I was pregnant with David, I read all the parenting books, I researched online. When I was pregnant I decided the best option for me was to breastfeed, cloth diaper, not to circumcise, no pacifiers, no physical punishment, and not to co-sleep.
Boooy, life has a funny way of changing things, doesn’t it?
I found out after David was born that I wasn’t ready to be a Mom. Of course, I had to become ready. My body decided that it wasn’t going to feed my son. I made it two weeks. I had to formula feed. And what do you know? The day I started to formula feed, David slept through the night. That BECAME the best option.
My ex-husband and I decided that cloth diapering wasn’t right for us. I just wasn’t that dedicated to keeping up with my laundry. Hell, I couldn’t even keep up with the laundry BEFORE the baby. And I didn’t care about landfills. So, disposables it was.
Another decision that did not go as planned was the circumcision. I still disagree with this decision, but my ex-husband decided that he would be circumcised, so he wasn’t ‘dirty’. I argued for three months about it. I tried to explain to him that if we taught David how to wash himself, just like we teach him to take care of his teeth, it is second nature. No go. David got his wee-wee cut.
Other things stuck, like no pacifier, no co-sleeping, and no physical punishment. The child I got in result? I got a well-balanced, independent, SMART, little boy. I am proud.
Naturally, when I became pregnant with Tyler, I would raise him the same. Except I would give breastfeeding another go.
Breastfeeding lasted two days. Then I quit. I can’t do it. The next one, I won’t try. My boobies don’t like it.
It took forever for Tyler to sleep through the night (although, I will be happy to report, he is an uncut little boy). Tyler would cry and cry. When David was a baby, I could set him down and let him sleep. Tyler wakes right up and screams. He demanded to be held, whereas David was content on his own.
At two years old, Tyler is way more difficult than David. Tyler needs to constantly be yelled at. He does the same shit to get in trouble over and over and over. David listened the first time. Tyler needs to be spanked. Even after having his hand smacked, 9 times out of 10, he comes back for more and does it again. No matter how many times I yell at Tyler to get off the couch, he laughs at me. I remove him. He gets right back on. I spank him. He jumps on the couch like a trampoline. I spank him a little harder. Her cries and gets off the couch. Ten minutes later, he is back on the couch again. No amount of reasoning with this child (or asking him, “Aren’t you tired of being yelled at by now?!”) does it get through to him. Until he is distracted by something else, does he do what I have been asking him to do all along. It just has to be his idea.
The child I got in result of Tyler? A hard-headed, pain in the ass little boy. I will note, that Tyler has amazing problem-solving skills. If he wants something, he finds a way to get it himself. But he uses his cute-ness to pull on my heart strings. He is also funny. He does silly things (Like pretend he is a ghost under his white afghan blankie) just to hear me laugh at him.
As David get older, parenting didn’t become any more easy. I am so afraid of fucking up my kids it isn’t even funny. I remember how my parents messed up with me, and I will be sure not to make their mistakes. At seven, I find myself faced with many dilemmas while making decisions for David.
Do I let him be independent and get a chair to stand on to fetch that cup? Or do I get it myself and risk treating him like a ‘baby’.
Do I hug him when he cries, or do I tell him to buck up?
Do I let him play with the little boy that accused him of stealing candy (and they’re now over it) or do I tell him that he can choose better friends?
Do I raise him as a Christian (like his Dad) or an Atheist (Like me)?
Do I buy him nice things and risk spoiling him, or do I let him earn them and risk taking his childhood?
How do you teach them to be happy, healthy, responsible, hard-working, good values, and that NOTHING in life is free? If you want something you work hard and become educated.
How do you prevent outside influences from tainting his point of views and values?
Do you all even KNOW how much harder I am going to have to work with Tyler on becoming an upstanding American Citizen?!
I try as hard as I can. I am afraid that things I have done in the past are irreversible. I hope someday he will forgive me, as I have forgiven my parents. I can only hope that he can be open and honest with me as he gets older.
I am sure to ask him questions to put him in a “What would you do” situation, I watch him when he is outside (he doesn’t always know it), I make him do chores and earn an allowance. I encourage him to come to me about anything, no matter how hard it may be. I put the fear in him to never lie to me.
Nope, kids don’t have an instruction manual. But aren’t you glad YOU’RE parents screwed up with you, so you know what NOT to do? And aren’t you glad when they succeeded, so you can take notes?
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