Meltdown

09/28/2012

Wow, yesterday was quite a day.

I decided to sit down and make some phone calls yesterday. I called Barnes and Noble to see the status on my Nook Tablet that won't turn on. Apparently, they decided to replace the Nook, but cannot tell me when it will be shipped back, so he asked me to call on Monday. I hate calling Barnes and Noble. They outsource to India. When the man said "tablet" I asked him to repeat himself three times because I didn't know what he said. And I have to talk to them on Monday.

Then, on to find Tyler a pediatrician. Tyler is way behind on his shots and actually hasn't been to a doctor in two years. I have always qualified for Medicaid, and me and David got approved. They wouldn't approve Tyler because they wanted his original birth certificate. Which I thought meant that I needed to go to the county of his birth and retrieve it, six hours away. I ended up going in to a redetermination several months later, and the technician (who was super nice and helpful) said that there was no need to get it, she could order it and send me a copy. I never heard anything about it after. I ended up with a case worker who is not helpful AT ALL. I can't even get Medicaid Cards, and we've been covered since Tyler was born. So, I asked her about it and she said that they didn't have his birth certificate, and that's why they never approved him. I told her what the other technician said, and apparently they had the B.C. all along, because he was approved and the sent me a card for him (But no one else!) It was a two year long battle. And try finding a doctor to see him wihout insurance! Ha.

Well, it's just as hard to find a doctor on Medicaid. Apparently, peice of shit OBAMA and his bullshit OBAMACARE (this is not up for debate, just my opinion) made it difficult for practices to bill Medicaid, so now no one is taking any new Medicaid patients. After the first receptionist told me "No", I had a meltdown. I bawled my fucking eyes out. I mean, you already feel like a shitty enough parent right now, but you feel like you're getting NOWHERE! Hormones don't help. I called one place (a clinic) and I was on hold for 8 1/2 minutes for her to tell me I had to drive all the way down to Greeley and apply, then they would call me and set up an appointment after they obtained Tyler's records. I kept calling, the lady was super rude and I would only go there for last resort. I called several pediatrician's offices in FIVE different surrounding cities, and I finally talked to someone that cared. I explained to her my situation, and she was shocked that Tyler hadn't been in so long. She approved me to bring the boy in to see the doctor, and is going to have me call on Monday the first to actually set up the appointment. Whew.

Well, I decided that I needed to get a head start on finding a baby doctor. Since there seems to be such an issue with everyone taking Medicaid, the sooner, the better. (They can't deny me prenatal care, can they?!) I had an office picked out that was mainky midwives but also had supporting doctors picked out since I was TTC. Five months. I knew where I wanted to go. I called the place, and asked her if they were accepting new Medicaid patients. She told me yes, but nothing was available till the end of October, early November. I told her that couldn't be more perfect, because I was only four weeks along and that would be the normal time they would see me anyway. I'm going in October 30th! Wow, this seems more real now.

Later last night, we were watching the Three Stooges as a family, and I really didn't like it. They would grind each other on the head with a chainsaw or something and it made me cringe and nauseous. So I started checkin gout the WTE (whattoexpect.com) discussion boards. (Sidenote: I don't think I have any pregnant readers, but ones that are TTC or have new babies, check it out. The discussion boards provide a lot of support. Also, check out the Hot Topics board... ENTERTAINING!! Bunch of bitches fightin' over nothin'.) Anyways, I read a discussion post about pregnancy tests with blue dye being evil. Anyone heard this!? I had no idea. Apparently, (and there was picture evidence) the sticks that use the blue dye as opposed to the pink are infamous for evap lines, which looks like a positive. So, I Googled it. ( I am a Google-whore; I Google everyhing). There was SO MUCH information backing this up, although I saw nothing that was credible (i.e. being from a government site, or even the site of these tests themselves) but it seems to happen to a lot of women.

Look at my test. What color dye does it use?


4W1D

Look closely at the lines. The horizontal negative line is a different color than the vertical positive line. Which I KNOW this doesn't matter, but I have a million different scenarios playing in my head... Like canceling the midwife I have been coveting, telling everyone it was EPT's fault I got a postive, and the horror of TTC again. I have another meltdown. I tell Daniel what I have read, and looks at me like I'm a CRAZY PERSON! How dare you!? So, I run to the Dollar General and pick up two of their PINK DYE, more reliable, $1 tests to piss on. I get this.


4W4D

Whew. I'm sitting on the toilet yelling to Daniel, "I'M STILL PREGNANT!!!!!" He yells back, "I KNOW!!!!" I'm gonna scar my kids for life.

Well, then I start thinking that those lines are very dark for only being in my fourth week. I thought most ladies didn't get a line till about 5 weeks, and they are more faint. And my symtoms are extreme... the nipple problem (which is torture. Apparently, I get cold a LOT. And when I get cold, I get THO. Which fucking hurts. Imagine me, 80 times a day having to stop whatever I am doing to grab my boobs and say "ow", because that's what y life consists of right now. And nausea. I never had moring sickness with my kids, ever. I had heartburn so bad I puked, but never morning sickness. This pregnancy I have it. Oh, and I am starving all the time! It keeps me awake, I feel like I having eaten in days if I'm hungry. It's extreme. And I just have a feeling... this pregnancy is different....

Look up early pregnancy with twins, it describes all of this. Don't quote me, but I think it is a possibility.

From what I read, not only is the above true, but the information I read says the more kids you've had, the more likely you are to carry twins (this is my SIXTH pregnancy [yes, I understand I only have two kids, a lot of grief and loss and other things, I am not a serial abortionerist]), taller heavyset women are more likely to carry twins (I am 5'9 and I am overweight. I'm not gonna tell you HOW overweight, but I am a little chunky), and the mothers jut get the hunch that they are carrying multiples. I have the hunch.

Or am I psyching myself out?!