I know it shouldn't make me depressed, but it is...Matt got married yesterday. I should be laughing and jumping up and down that he suckered someone into finally marrying him, but I'm also really sad because it's not me. Not in the sense that I love him anymore, because I don't, I got over him a long time ago, but the sense that it should have been me...after all we do have a son together, but that doesn't seem to matter anymore in life I guess. Maybe it's the ending of a dream that I once had and it's finally hit home after seeing all the pictures. But whatever it is, it's not making me feel very good right now. Plus knowing the fact that I'm still a long ways off from being able to marry Jon, that sucks even more. I was really hoping that I would get married before Matt to kind of rub it in his face that I'm a good and wonderful person and it was his loss when he left me and Garret, but it doesn't look like I'll be getting married for a long time, if ever, so I'll just have to come to grips with this whole situation somehow. Oh well, just needed to vent...back to homework now. |
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