Had a very emotional conversation with Garret today. He wanted me to drive him to the store to go get the things that were on his wish list for santa that he wrote at school. We had previously talked about it a little, as one of the items was a 4-wheeler and I told him that unless he had won the lottery and I didn't know about it, I certainly didn't have 5k just laying around, he was shocked they were so expensive so he seemed to drop the subject. Then just a few moments ago he wanted me to just arbitrarily drive into town so we could go get the other two things on the list.....well, sort of. One is a new game piece for something he already has and the other thing on the list was 30 $1 bills. I asked him where he was going to get those from and he just kind of shrugged, but he didn't want to let go of the idea that he needed to go get that toy. This is the same toy that he threw a fit about three weeks ago when I refused to buy it for him, as he hadn't saved up enough money, and his pouting and talking back got him grounded from tv for the rest of the year. But now that he has saved up enough money, he seems to think he needs to have it right now, before the end of the year. Thus came the emotional conversation. I told him I just couldn't run into town just for him to go buy a toy, that would be wasting gas, and I'm already short on money right now and need to make what is left in the tank last as long as possible. I already have a trip to the store scheduled for tomorrow for other errands, so I told him that we could go look while we were there but I wasn't going to promise to buy it for him, which started the emotional roller coaster. Then I launched into a discussion of needs and wants and why we should be grateful for what we have, making sure to point out that he got quite a few nice things for xmas and as his room is already packed full of stuff, it would be better to sort out some stuff to donate before bringing in any more new things, which would only get lost in all the clutter. It took quite a while and with many different ways of explaining and illustrations, but I think he got the idea. He still isn't happy, but I hope that this time it might have sunken in just a little more so he'll remember. He was really upset about the fact that we (his parents) spend all our money on bills and food and then we often tell him that there is no money left...I'm hoping reality can come gently to him one of the days, hopefully sooner rather than later, and that he will understand how hard we try to make things nice for him with the little that we have and how much we sacrifice for him. He's growing up, and I'm a little sad about that, but more sad that he doesn't understand and still throws these childish fits; still makes me feel like I haven't done a good job bringing him up. I guess I really need to stop comparing him to my brother's kids, who I know are amazing angelic kids most of the time. I feel bad that I can't get everything for my son but I'm also glad, in a way, that he's not as spoiled as other kids who do get all they want, but also sad that he sees these kids, wants what they have but he doesn't quite yet understand why they can ask their parents and get whatever they want but I can't give him whatever he wants. I know that I'm trying and I know it's not always my best, but it's so frustrating and sad that I can't get him to understand things like this. I guess I just need to find a different way to present it and maybe let him watch me pay my bills and then he can see all the money go away and how there is nothing left for any extras. I don't know what else to do anymore.
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