Tonight I'm going to talk about not being in a place where I am happy. Now... Does this just mean physically or does it mean emotionally and mentally too? i honestly believe it is all of the above. As far as mentally and emotionally all i can really do it strive to make You understand that although i fucked up badly i truly do love and cherish You and i really do want things to be the way they were before. Can this happen? You Yourself have admitted that You do not know what the future holds. and i can't say that i do either because i don't. as far as physically not being in a place that makes me happy. that has been the case for a long time now. there is nothing left in this town. even if i did go back to school which i still would like to do, there are no jobs in this town at all. i am basically alone here my family is either in Wisconsin or on the other side of Iowa. Either way i am alone here in the town i live in. and W/we both know i want to move to Oklahoma. That is a tough thing because not only do i need to think about how i am going to get there with all of my stuff but also where i'm going to put it as i will need to get in touch with the housing authority there and won't have a place to even live right away. so there is much to consider when thinking of moving to Oklahoma. i don't know what else to really say about this. i have a lot of work ahead of me to get me to oklahoma but i know that i am completely miserable here. anyway enough for this week. i love You so very much my precious beloved Master. Your jillian
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