Fridays are always good. Ive never met a Friday I didnt like. My week has been busy. Yet I have felt numb, emotionally. I noticed it on Monday night. I was standing under the shower. My arms were stretched above me and I held on to the door. I let the melancholy wash over me. I was immune to it. It was new. A new experience.
M hurt my feelings and I cried. But I know it wasn't the kind of crying I usually do. Usually I only cry when I really feel hurt. This time, I cried to get my own way. To make him feel bad. To arouse sympathy.
He hugged me. I held my breath. I looked at him with different eyes. He whispered 'Don't cry'.
I still cried. Sobbed a little. I got caught up in the daze of my performance. Then I let it all fall away as he left.
Maybe someday he will pull me into his life. Will I struggle against it? Yes. |
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Random: I did that once when I was thirteen. I sat at the top of the stairs and cried while everyone stood at the bottom, asking me what I wanted.