I'm a fuckin idiot. Yesterday, all day, for some reason i had it in my head that it was Tuesday. So, i went all day at work thinking this, and at the end of the day i went into the back office to start the work order report. My boss comes in, "What're you doin here?" "Work order report, i gotta kill an hour before class."
"I thought your class was on tuesday night?"
"It is"
"....It's Wednesday..."
".......WELL FUCK."
Totally blanked, missed my class. Whatevs, wasn't super important. I'll grab the notes from a classmate.
In other news, the Demon struck again today. I keep telling myself she's not real but yet there she sits, clad in her best frock and gaudy costume jewlery, mispronouncing every word that comes out of her mouth.
Today's Dawn word of the day: "Supposebly"
Like nails on a chalkboard whenever that woman speaks.
What else is new? My aunt made chicken lombardi the other night and sent me home with some. Darby, naturally, insists on sharing, so i gave him a couple bites because YES, I'M A TERRIBLE FUCKING DOG PARENT, I FEED MY DOG PEOPLE FOOD AND TABLE SCRAPS, SAVE ME YOUR POISONOUS PLATITUDES BECAUSE I DON'T CARE BECAUSE MY DOG LOVES ME AND HE'S HEALTHY AS A HORSE.
But anyway, he ate some chicken lombardi, and as Eric so eloquently put it, "That lombardi made him farty." Darby ripped a fart so bad last night i actually got up and turned on the bedroom light because i was certain he took a giant shit in the room.
Also, Darby stabbed Eric right in the soul the other day. Eric just finished this huge job in the penthouse suite of a NYC apartment, $8,000,000 panoramic view of the city. Can see the Freedom Tower and everything right from the living room couch. Motherfuckers. Anyway they paid an exorbitant amount of money to have a TV surround built using large thin tile. That in itself doesn't sound like such a big deal, but these pieces of marble arrived 10 feet long and only 1/8 of an inch thick. Basically about as fragile as fragile can be. It took a lot of delicate handling, a lot of precision, but they were somehow able to get these panels cut and up 19 flights of stairs and installed.Oh did i mention these were delivered to our house, over 3 hours north of the city? So, cut, loaded, transported 3 hours down the thruway and through New York City, unloaded, and up 19 flights of stairs (wouldn't fit in the elevator). It came out gorgeous, but there was one 10 foot long slab left over. These panels are $700+ a piece.
It might as well have been Eric's own flesh and blood, he laid down thin, long slats of wood so it wouldn't be on the concrete floor and even built a barricade around it so my dear sweet tornado of destruction, Darby, wouldn't walk on it. WELP. They don't call them Springer Spaniels for no reason, they're awful bouncy. So let me paint a picture.
Eric and I are unloading shelving from the back of his van into the garage. Enter Mister Kitty, my brain damaged, super stupid, super fat headed cat. Mister Kitty is still intact, and he backed his rear end up to Eric's shopvac. Eric, seeing Mister Kitty was about to spray, yelled, "KITTY YOU GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE" the cat spooked, and ran across the room.
Darby, seeing his best buddy Mister Kitty run across the room, assumed it was play time. He dropped his tennis ball, bounded across the room and gracefully as a prima ballerina leapt into the air, cleared the barricade Eric built around the marble slab, and landed hard with a SMACKCRACK dead in the center of the marble.
Eric all but fainted like a 19th century debutant.
I immediately clasped my hands over my mouth while Eric let wove a tapestry of obscenities at least a mile long. Darby took off out the door after the cat, and Eric immediately grabbed a flashlight and got on his stomach next to the marble and began sliding his hand back and forth, searching for cracks.
And lo.
There was one. Barely the width of a hair, but a crack all the same.
RIP $700+ Marble Slab. You would have made an awesome display.
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