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Discussion Forums » General Discussion
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Cheating & Adultery
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27 Aug 2009, 23:19
~*Jodi*~
Post Count: 162
Everyone has some sort of interaction with cheating and/or adultery in their lives at some point in the actions of themselves, their significant others, or someone else they know. I have a few questions and I hope that some people will take the time to give your thoughts on the subject of cheating...

- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)?
- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)?
- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way?
- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship?
- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven?
- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship?
- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage?
- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also?
- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it?
- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating?
- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together?
- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?
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28 Aug 2009, 00:20
Krisstahღ
Post Count: 68
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)? -- Sex, oral, or anything sexually physical.
- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)? -- people cheat for many reasons or just cause they can.
- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way? I am torn to this because i strongly feel that its BEST to let go of the other person and just move on, but sometimes you can't and seek happiness you arent getting from the relationship
- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship? -- I would ask them from an explanation but i would probably leave.
- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven? -- i would expect to be dumped.
- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship? yes
- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage? meh.. guess it depends on what the parties involved decide on
- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also? -- no
- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it? -- Its not cheating
- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating? - Emotional is worse.
- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together? -- if you work hard enough
- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater? -- No, not for everyone.
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28 Aug 2009, 00:36
Doc
Post Count: 507
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)? Anything sexual in nature.
- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)? Too many reasons to list.
- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way? No... I feel it is never OK. Don't fuck with someone like that... have the balls to leave or break up with them. Don't be a chicken shit little sneak.
- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship? I would dump them in a freakin' heartbeat and probably never talk to them again.
- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven? Well.... since I never have nor would... that is a moot question.
- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship? Yes... a committed relationship doesn't have to me necessarily a marriage.
- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage? That should be up to a court of law.
- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also? Depends on what kind of relationship you are in... and how both parties feel.
- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it? No.
- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating? Physical cheating would be worse to me... because the human heart is big enough to care about more than one person. How you act is another story entirely.
- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together? Depends on the person and the situation. I would never forgive.
- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater? No idea. You would have to ask someone that has cheated before to find out.
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28 Aug 2009, 01:23
Lauren.
Post Count: 885
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)? Anything from being emotionally attached (where you realize it and continue hanging out with the person KNOWING that you're "emotionally cheating" on your significant other) to kissing to oral, to sex.
- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)? I think people cheat for any and all reasons they can justify to themselves, especially being in a bad relationship or going through a really rough patch in a relationship. What I don't understand is how one can cheat instead of just ending it..
- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way? No, I don't think that it's ever okay to cheat. I don't think there is ever TRUE justification in cheating.
- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship? I'm torn on this. Back when my husband and I were just dating, I always thought I'd be able to give him a second chance. Now that we're married, I think that adds a new level of commitment that I don't know if I could forgive. I guess it depended on the situation, how truthful he was once I found out (about how long it had been going on, etc.). I don't want to say that I'd definitely not give him a second chance, because I know that there is no way to know unless you're put in the situation.
- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven? I guess that depends on the situation. Some people cheat because they just don't care anymore and it wouldn't affect them if their significant other found out, and other people cheat and still feel guilty about it and would want to be forgiven... I guess that goes on a case-by-case basis.
- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship? Yes.
- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage? Yes. The person getting cheated on shouldn't have to forfeit ANYTHING.
- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also? Not if the second part of the questions is true, that they all know about the rest of them.
- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it? See, these questions are getting a bit hard to answer because in MY mind, "open" relationships don't exist, so I can't answer this. But in the mind of someone who is into open relationships, then I'm sure it isn't considered cheating.
- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating? I would say emotional cheating is worse.
- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together? Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is another. While someone might FORGIVE, it'll never, ever be out of their mind. But I do think that they can regain the relationship they had before, with a lot of work involved from both parties. The cheater can't expect their significant other to ever forget what they've done or wonder in the future if it'll happen again, but the person who was cheated on can't hold it over the cheaters head all the time either. It's balancing on both parts.
- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater? For some it is, for some it isn't. It's not always like that, though, no.
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28 Aug 2009, 03:47
Makayla
Post Count: 751
What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)?
Anything you couldn't say or do in front of your partner.

- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)?
bored with the relationship, arguing with their partner all the time, could be a number of reasons


- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way?
no, it's never okay in my book to cheat. You should leave the relationship if you start getting attached to someone else physically or emotionally.


- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship?
that all depends on how long I'd been with them and if I loved them.


- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven?
I would hope to be forgiven, but wouldn't expect it. I wouldn't want to be in the relationship anymore though, because something was wrong for me to cheat in the first place.


- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship?
yes, anytime someone is in a relationship they should always be faithful to the other person esp. if they are sexually involved with each other, and have sex with someone else. that is just sleazy & you should have more respect for the other person if you were sexually involved with someone else so the other person can protect themselves.


- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage?
No, there are a lot of different things that should come into play in my opinion.


- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also?
If it's an open relationship that the other person is aware of you dating other people then it's not cheating, but if you keep it secret, then yes I would consider it cheating.


- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it?
No, but if you are married, then cheating is cheating in my book, marriage is something sacred to me.


- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating?
Physical is worse than emotional, but both are hurtful to the same degree. Physical just takes it to another level, you can get emotionally attached to someone without meaning too, but taking your clothes off and having sex is something you meant to do and knew exactly what the consequences were and who you were going to hurt in the end.


- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together?
The relationship will never be the same. You can be forgiven, but the person will never forget what you did to them, and no matter what someone does to make up for cheating they can never take back the pain they caused the other person.


- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?
No, I believe people mature, and can go from being a "player" to being a great father, husband, and family man as mine did. My man cheated on a lot of his girlfriends, and even his previous fiancee. When we met, everyone told me not to get too attached because he was pretty wild and free, but for some reason with me, he was totally different. He was the one who wanted to settle down and get serious.
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28 Aug 2009, 13:40
xanderthebuttmonkey
Post Count: 43
- I consider cheating to be any kind of intimate act without your partner's knowledge/approval, not including a little peck or a hug between friends.

- For men, I think it's that they don't have the willpower to fight their primal urge to find multiple mates. For women I think it's that the person their with leaves them feeling empty and they need to find companionship somewhere else. Though some people just do it because they can, man or woman.

- I really don't think it's ever ok to cheat, there's probably some scenario where I'd understand it, but in general, if the urge to cheat is there, the relationship should just be ended.

- I'd first try to find out why she did it, and if it's something I did, try to work on it. If it can't be resolved, I'd have to end the relationship.

- If I were caught cheating, I would expect to be dumped

- Yes

- No

- Dating several people at once is ok as long as everyone involved knows that's whats going on

- I would say no, if both parties approve, it's not cheating

- that's a tough one, but I'd say physical cheating is worse, you can't really control your thoughts, but you can control your actions.

- forgiveness depends on the parties involved

- I would say someone who has cheated in the past is more likely to cheat again, yes
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28 Aug 2009, 15:51
*~Loving You~*
Post Count: 507
Hmm sadly I'm on my phone I might come back and do this

No I never cheated I've dated more than 1 guy but I was not in a committed relationship or in 1 and yes once a cheater is always a cheater (my opinon) and no I would dump him immedatly if he cheats I will NOT try cuz ill know it will never be the same again been there done that harmless flirts r okay as long as they aren't doin it in front of me but bad naughty ones I won't tolterate and if the touch certain parts purposly and more I consider that cheating kissing oral anything
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28 Aug 2009, 19:04
*~Loving You~*
Post Count: 507
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)? anything that starts touching in a innaporperate purposley accidents happens... so ill accidently touch someone's butt cuz i wasnt paying attention

- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)? either they are un satsified with that person, or bored, or just down right stupid -- u say u love someone, then cheats on them... thats not loving someone


- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way? no it is NOT okay, if ur sperated its different, for a marrid person cuz that can lead to a divorce, and u can be single during that time, im still kinda ify on that, cuz if they are seperated i dont see why its WRONG to date other people but it can lead to complications if the married couple wants to get back together...

- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship? dump the person... no second chances... and he knows that

- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven? i would expect to be dumped, cuz i was wrong MAJORLY i dont expect a 2nd chance it willhurt if i didnt but i deserved it

- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship? if ur in a committed realtionship thats between two people, yes it would be cheating if u had some other side dish while ur committed to another person but if ur dating around thats different *in my opinon*

- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage? hmm, i dont think so.. but it seems like it happens that why if chris cheats on me why should i get his xbox he had before me? i think well, sadly when im mad im mad, but i also have to think realistically, i dont think i should win everything or him.... i think it should be fair...

- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also? dating is dating, its all in the fun! :-) so no i dont think thats cheating as long as u odnt lead that person on

- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it? im against that cuz i think thats kinda dirty (the fact that i cant always trust a married woman i had an ex cheat on me with her cuz she had an open relationship... ) but if BOTH are okay with it then i dont think thats cheating, but i personally am against it i wouldnt allow it... cuz i dont want to share! lol


- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating? i think its both, harmless flirts as a lil INNOCENT jokes, thats fine, for giggles, but touching or naughty flirts like a serious one, i think that leads to cheating and i would be furious if i found out chris does that.. . online relationships or "online relationships" that is cheating thats kinda having a "side dish" but its all verbal...

- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together? i suppose they could be, but if it was my case it wouldnt be the same agian, and i could forgive em it would take a while but it wouldnt be the same, so i wouldnt stay with him

- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?
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28 Aug 2009, 19:06
*~Loving You~*
Post Count: 507
i wasnt finished! grr...
and for once a cheater is always a cheater...

it seems that way towards me, i feel a cheater will always have that "cheating" feeling inside even if that person doesnt cheat... so yeah i think a cheater is always a cheater... in my opinon but people do change but it would be kinda hard to trust that person
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28 Aug 2009, 20:51
Endless Love
Post Count: 102
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)? Kissing, anthing physical, talking sexually to another person, telling someone that is not your SO and that your supposedly "friends" with that you love them.
- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)? People tend to cheat when they are unhappy, men and women alike. Although men are lesslikely to admit that they cheated on their SO because the felt lonely and were unhappy.
- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way? Absolutely not is it ever ok to cheat, if you feel the need to cheat, why be with the person in the first place?
- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship? I'm not sure honetly.
- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven? I'd expect to be dumped
- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship? Cheating is breaking a commitment.. So even if your not married and your just "in a relationship" it's still cheating no matter what.
- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage? No
- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also? No, not if the people involved are ok with it. Athough I don't think it's right.
- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it? well no, but it's still wrong.. if your going to sleep around with other people why be in a relationship in the first place.
- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating? They are both pretty bad.
- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together? Probably not
- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater? No.
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28 Aug 2009, 20:56
Azkabound
Post Count: 162
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)?

Emotional attachment to someone else (in the romantic sense) is something I consider more problematic than the inability for someone to 'keep it in their pants'. You want them to be emotionally in-tune with you, not somebody else. You can blame this and that and everything for your significant other sleeping with someone else but not that deeper bit. Alcohol didn't do that... On the other hand, hanging out with other people isn't cheating if nothing happens and the intention is platonic. :/ I'm not about to be someone to say that whoever I'm with cannot hang out with their friends (male or female).

- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)?
Too many reasons. Unsatisfied with the relationship. Unable to break it off with the person they're with... Too many factors, really.

- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way?
No, it really isn't okay to cheat. Remove yourself from the relationship. If it's a harmful relationship, all the better to back down and get out of it.

- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship?
Without trust there is no relationship. I'm not going to trust someone that couldn't just tell me they didn't want to be in a relationship with me before fucking the milkman.

- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven?
Dumped. If I'm cheating something wasn't right in the relationship to start with. I'd like to think I'm faithful.

- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship?
What do you mean by this? If you go outside the so-called 'committed' relationship to pursue other fancies? If so, yes. A relationship is still a relationship. Keep it between the two people in the relationship and you should be just fine.

- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage?
While they were the ones that in fact BROKE the nuptial vows so should have blame I'd like to keep an open eye out for the circumstances in which the spouse was moved to cheat. I'm not really one for granting an abusive person the property. Maybe the person cheated in order to get the hell out of said relationship. It's just odd. Split it in half and go your separate ways.

- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also?
I certainly wouldn't like to date several people at once. ;D One is enough for me at a time! If the relationship isn't serious though and it IS an open relationship, it really isn't testing the 'morals' of the relationship, which is sort of what is in question when a partner feels infidelity has occurred. The second they say they want to be exclusive and you agree to it though it IS cheating.

- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it?
I sort of answered that one above. ;D

- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating?
Answered this, too. ;D Haha Emotional is far worse.

- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together?
I think that a friendship can be salvaged from the situation, but I wouldn't be one to venture off in to a romance with someone that's cheated before. It's just not the same.

- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?
I'd like to think that if challenged with the right person people can be faithful. You need to learn to be happy with what you have or to change it (not in the 'having your cake and eating it, too' sort of way) by removing yourself from said relationship to pursue the next.
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28 Aug 2009, 00:03
Opie's Old Lady
Post Count: 459
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)? --> sex, kissing, oral, & emotional attachment
- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)? --> long distance so they think they can get away with it(been there & don't want to be there again), bad relationship, self-esteem, to be cruel(had a friend that cheated to hurt her bf)
- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way?--> no because you hurt the person more then you could possible think of sometimes. I've been cheated on & I was lucky but I almost got into a relationship that would have turned into an emotionally abusive relationship all because that's what I thought I deserved, that I wasn't allowed to feel loved & respected.
- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship?--> dump them & either find someone better or just be on your own & know that you don't need a man to complete you(I was friends with a girl that was never single longer then 3 days that I can think of off the top of my head)
- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven?--> I would expect to be dumped
- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship? --> yes
- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage?--> i honestly don't know
- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also?-->if the other people know then no, I would put that under "dating"
- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it? --> if it's known between both that it is open I don't think so.
- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating?-->I think both are wrong, but emotional because if they no longer have that emotional pull to you they should end it.
- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together?--> I don't think so. Once they do your mind may wonder ever time the phone rings or when ever they work late. I've had to tell bf's that nothing was going on but it was & i didn't know.
- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?--> yes, in my experience yes
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28 Aug 2009, 00:49
Mami 2 ♥ 1
Post Count: 361
I would rather not discuss the questions asked for personal reasons i dont want to reopen old wounds. but i just found this and thought i would share.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cgq-wBxh6E&feature=player_embedded
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28 Aug 2009, 01:12
Kelsey Lynn xox
Post Count: 150
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)?
i consider everything from emotional attachment up cheating. i believe in having friends of the opposite sex and caring for them, but once hanging out with them becomes something that you really want because you are attracted to that person, you shouldn't act on it.
- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)?
i personally have never been cheated on/cheated but i think its because commitment, or they're afraid of getting too close so they push them away
- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way?
the only circumstance i could consider is if you two are separated, but are still married for legal reasons. but i guess most wouldn't consider that cheating. other than that, no i don't believe that you should cheat. face your problems.
- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship?
i guess it depends on the person. if i were just dating them, probably dump them. if i was in love or was serious about the relationship, and i could tell he seriously was sorry and regretted what he'd done, then i'd try to work it out after a break.
- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven?
i would expect to be dumped, but if i felt remorse, i would want to be forgiven in time.
- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship?
Yes. if it is not consented by the other person, its cheating.
- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage?
not necessarily. i mean, even though the other person cheated, they still deserve some of the things they put in the marrage. but i do believe that they should get more props or kudos because they were cheated on.
- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also?
Not if everyone is in the know. And i guess that answers the second question, lol. you can see several people at once, go on dates, as long as everyone knows your position. but once it crosses into the boyfriend/girlfriend field, you need to pick one person.
- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it?
if open means that you are allowed to date other people while with someone, then no.
- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating?
well, it depends. i think they hurt equally. you can sleep with someone with no emotional tie, and that would hurt. but you can also fall inlove with someone, not having any kind of physical relationship, and to find that out would hurt alot also.
- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together?
Depends again. if you are serious about that person and are willing to fix it, then so be it.
- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?
No. i knew someone who cheated and really regrets it, he said he never really got over it and could never do it again. so no, i don't believe that.
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28 Aug 2009, 01:34
valerieeeee
Post Count: 274
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)? I think any of the above would be inappropriate with someone that you consider to be more than a friend, if you are in a committed relationship with someone else.

- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)? I don't know why anyone would choose to do such a thing. I mean, if you want to be with someone else, be with someone else. Break up with the other person first.

- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way? It's never okay to cheat on someone. Period.

- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship? I would hear them out and possibly forgive them. Probably not though; I think that is something I would have to decide in the moment. Right now, I'd say I would dump the person.

- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven? I would never do that, so I can't answer this.

- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship? Yes.

- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage? Nope.

- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also? I think if all parties were aware of the situation and they agreed to be non-exclusive, then it's not cheating.

- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it? As long as it's understood, though I personally wouldn't want to date multiple people.

- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating? It's all terrible.

- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together? Forgiveness is always possible. God will always forgive, and we should do the same.

- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater? I don't know.
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28 Aug 2009, 07:03
Aiure
Post Count: 308
I thought I'd take a stab at this. I see a lot of "cheating is evil" responses, so I wanted to offer a different perspective.


- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)?
Anything sexual that you can't do in your partner's presence.

- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)?
There are TONS of reasons people cheat. Personally, I believe there's more than one person that you can love (emotionally, physically, etc), and happy monogamy isn't easy, so we turn to others to give us what's missing from our current relationship.

- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way?
It depends on the situation. I'd prefer to be told beforehand (thus negating the idea of cheating, and turning it into an open relationship). However, when only one partner has this view, an open relationship is not really an option, and the person may do what (or who) they wish anyway.

- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship?
I'm all for working around that. I'm very openminded, so it could be done.

- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven?
I'd fully expect to be ditched. It would really suck, and would tear me apart, but I'd deserve it. That's the risk you take.

- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship?
Yes.

- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage?
No. Like I said, people cheat for many reasons. The whole idea is chock full of grey areas - it's not black and white, cut and dry.

- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also?
If everyone is aware of what's going on, then the term doesn't apply.

- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it?
Nope. Again, everyone is aware.

- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating?
Hard to say. I guess it depends on how deep the emotional attachment runs. There's a VERY fine line between the love you feel for a close friend and the love you feel for a significant other.

- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together?
I believe forgiveness is possible. Depending on the situation, the relationship may grow stronger because of it.

- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?
Not always. People CAN change, after all.
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28 Aug 2009, 10:49
.Amber.
Post Count: 260
I'm replying from the perspective of someone who HAS cheated

- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)?
Any physical act that you have to hide from your partner

- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)?
A lot of reasons, most of which have already been named - however i my case, t was just genuine attraction to someone else. A sexual chemistry, if you will. (Which doesn't make it better, is just another reason)

- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way?
No - I don't think there's a justification of feelings

- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship?
At this point - I'd try and save it. We've come too far.

- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven?
I'd expect to be dumped. Though - who knows, he might surprise me.

- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship?
Yes. (This was my case - I wasn't married yet. Still cheating.)

- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage?
No way. Besides, how would you feel if you forfeited everything because you felt like shit, only to find out your significant other did the same thing but just didn't tell anyone? I smell bullshit on this.

- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also?
I don't really believe in dating around.

- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it?
I don't consider it cheating. By definition, it is adultery though. I think there's a difference.

- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating?
I think physical is. And I say this - simply because I think it's quite possible to fall in love with someone else, and then eventually get over it because nothing physical transpires.

- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together?
Not fully, I don't think - but I think the relationship can be the same.

- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?
From experience AS the cheater: FUCK no. I'll never do it again. It was the worst thing I've ever done in my life - and still can't stomach remembering it.
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28 Aug 2009, 11:44
Mojo Jojo
Post Count: 278
- Kissing. Or lame as it sounds, cybersex because the intent is there, just not the ability to do it.
- Because they want to have their cake and eat it
- No never
- Divorce immediately
- I would expect to be divorced
- Yes.
- If I got divorced, for any reason, I'd agree to an even split because I wouldn't want to prolong the relationship with acrimony
- I think once you agree you are in a relationship, you shouldn't cheat.
- I don't think it's really a relationship if it's like that. More a friendship with benefits.
- They are equally bad
- Not by me! I am deeply unforgiving. Even if I did forgive, I wouldn't be able to forget.
- No I don't think so. But I think it can become an easy weapon to use. I knew a guy that cheated on his wife of 10 years just because she pissed him off. So she took him back (I wouldn't have) but I expect next time she pisses him off, he'll do it again just to spite her.
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28 Aug 2009, 13:09
.Blue Bella.
Post Count: 743
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)? Anything physical, and even an emotional thing. Emotional attachment can be just as bad... physical can be done with no sense of attachment for many people. Also, anything that you hide from your partner has to be questionable.
- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)? It can be so many things.. the things you have mentioned, but also I gues there are some people out there who just can't help themselves. Though that is probably a commitment phobia! I think when people cheat... it's time to get out of that relationship because it's obviously not fulfilling all of their needs.
- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way? No, I don't think it is ok. That being said I have cheated, and well, I don't think it was right. I was certainly young and stupid. And I cheated as... I guess to me it was an escape. I was in a bad relationship with an emotionally and physically abusive partner. I cheated because I wanted to feel loved by someone. Hindsight says it was stupid.
- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship? I think its different for different people, different relationship statuses. My partner and I have a child. If he cheated on me, he'd be out on his ass.
- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven? I'd expect to be dumped.
- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship? A committed relationship can be just like marriage without the poofy dress and the piece of paper. It's cheating irrespective of status.
- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage? I want to say yes. But at the same time, they've both earned the money to pay for it. So really - no. I don't think so.
- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also? Not if everyone is aware of it. If you are hiding people from other people, than yeah.
- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it? I don't think it's cheating. I think it's stupid however.
- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating? Both can be as bad as each other. Though I do think emotional is worse, as there can be a real attachment there.
- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together? No. To Both.
- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater? No.
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28 Aug 2009, 17:53
amy
Post Count: 22
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)?
With the exception of hanging out (with none of the other factors), all of the above. The emotional attachment has to be sexual and/or romantic though, my bf is emotionally attached to some of our girl friends but only in a friend way. Intent is everything too, if you're hanging out with someone to get laid, and only the lack of opportunity stops you, even if nothing happens you've cheated.

- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)?
There's a million and one reasons. I think it depends on the person and the relationship.

- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way?
I don't think it's ever okay. Sometimes cheating can lead a huge re-evaluation of the relationship and the people involved and help people fix it, but I don't think it's okay. For me I think it's a very hurtful thing to do, and can damage not only the relationship but the people involved.

- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship?
Context is everything. A kiss when you're drunk and just had a huge argument with your partner is different to a one night stand which is different to falling in love with someone and having an emotional affair without any physical intimacy. I'd struggle to forgive any kind of cheating though.

- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven?
I'd expect to be dumped.

- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship?
Yes. If you and that person have a commitment to be monogamous and you break that, then you've cheated, regardless of a ring.

- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage?
No, but it's complicated. Again context is everything.

- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also?
If everyone knows and are genuinely okay with it then you're not cheating anyone.

- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it?
Again, I don't think it's cheating. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship like that, but if everyone knows of the situation and are fine with it then I wouldn't count it as cheating. For me the word "cheating" implies deceit, and if you're honest and monogamy has been decided against then you're not being deceitful.

- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating?
Emotional cheating is worse every time. Knowing your partner has maybe fallen in love with someone else, has someone else as their confidant, feels romantically about someone else must be heart breaking. Being physically cheated on must be dreadful too.

- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together?
I don't think the relationship will ever be the same, when you've cheated you've broken the fundamental trust. You can repair it but it won't be the same. I think people can forgive though, it's the forgetting I imagine that must be the most difficult.

- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?
No, except for a very few.
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28 Aug 2009, 20:01
The Ryan
Post Count: 414
What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)? Anything past a peck, yo!



Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)? They're bored. Or genuinely have feelings for the other person I suppose. But I think only certain people can cheat. I physically can't. I can muse about emotionally cheating all day... but when it has come down to it I've literally been unable to go through with physically cheating.

Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way? It's never OK to cheat, yo! It wouldn't make sense to be OK.



If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship? I'd dump their ass. How dare they, yo!! I've walked away from relationships in the past where I couldn't bare the thought that they MIGHT oneday cheat.

If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven? I'd expect to be dumped. Imagine the GUILT of living with someone who forgave you. :-o

Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship? If you're not in a committed relationship then there's no commitment being broken, so I don't suppose it's cheating, yo! However, just because you're not married doesn't make it OK!

If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage? Probably! haha. No, there could be other reasons for the divorce, like maybe one partner was violent, or a criminal, or really boring... or who knows, yo!

Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also? That's just weird, and not a scenario I'm familiar with!


Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it? Open relationships are WEIRD. They're oxymorons!

Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating? I think physical is worst. But that's because it's so easy to emotionally cheat. It can happen casually on the street, you see someone and think "Yeah, I would!" But Physical actually takes action! And you can pretend like an emotion didn't happen... you can't pretend a kiss or a shag didn't yo!!

Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together? No way, yo!

Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater? I'd assume. Once a muderer, always a murderer, yo! Doesn't necessarily mean they'll murder again, but why wait around to find out!? :-o

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28 Aug 2009, 21:50
Let It Be
Post Count: 226
- What do you consider cheating (i.e., sex, kissing, hanging out, being emotionally attached, oral sex, etc...)?
I would consider it unfaithful if my boyfriend became emotionally attached to someone else (and anything beyond that would obviously be cheating in my eyes). It may not necessarily be 'cheating', but it's taking the part of him that is only suppose to belong to me and giving it to someone else. And that is not okay with me what so ever.

- Why do you think that people cheat (i.e., bad relationship, commitment phobia, self-esteem issues, etc...)?
Probably all of the above, and then some.

- Do you think that it is ever okay to cheat? If so, when is it okay to cheat on someone? If not, why do you feel that way?
No. We've had an agreement for a long time that if one of us ever wanted to cheat that we'd just break up first instead. I don't blame some people for cheating, such as if they're husband/wife/partner fails miserably at that title and treats them like crap...but in that case, I still think breaking up/divorcing first would be a better option, and then carrying on with the 'other' relationship.

- If you were being cheated on, would you dump the person or would you try to save the relationship?
I don't know. I would never want to dump my partner, but I don't know if I could get over it either. Thank god it's not something that I even have to think about in my relationship.

- If you were the cheater, and you were caught cheating, would you expect to be dumped or would you hope to be forgiven?
I'd expect to be dumped, and I'd think I deserved it.

- Do you consider it cheating if you are not married to the person, but are only in a committed relationship?
Yes. Commitment means just that.

- If one person cheats in a marriage, should the other person automatically "win" the divorce and get all of the community property they gained during the marriage?
Not necessarily. It depends on the situation. If someones husband/wife is a down right bastard or a poor excuse for a husband/wife, than they don't necessarily deserve everything just because the other was unfaithful.

- Do you consider dating several people at once cheating? What if the other people know that you are dating other people and are free to date others also?
If the others don't know about it, than yes. If it's a mutual agreement, than whatever stuffs your duck.

- Is an "open" relationship considered cheating? Is it still technically adultery if both people do it and are okay with it?
I don't think so if it's mutually agreed upon.

- Do you consider emotional cheating worse than physical cheating, or is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating?
Hmm...I think emotional cheating may be slightly worse, but not by a lot.

- Can someone ever be fully forgiven for cheating? Will the relationship ever really be the same again if they stay together?
Probably, and maybe. It depends on the people. I think a lot of couples can work through it and forgive and forget.

- Is it true that once a cheater always a cheater?
No, it can easily be a one time thing that could never happen again. But you should learn from your mistake the first time for sure.
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28 Aug 2009, 22:16
Let It Be
Post Count: 226
This thread just reminded me of something my old manager once said to me...."eating aint cheating" (I interpret that as meaning oral sex, I'm pretty sure the person didn't mean enjoying a good meal together ;)). I thought it was the dumbest friggin thing I'd ever heard, and something that someone would only say to justify their own cheating. It blows my mind that anyone could even think like that, let alone repeat such a stupid saying (and I was only 16 mind you! What a good influence this person was).

On the flip side, I think it should be noted that innocent flirting can be okay, but I'm using 'flirting' very loosely. Flirting with any emotional feelings/sexual intentions behind it is not okay.
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