YOU KNOW YOUR MEXICAN WHEN
You have ever been hit by a chancla. ( a slipper)
You grew up scared by something called "El Cucuy." (AKA the boogie man)
Others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.
You light a candle on the night of the Lotto drawing.
You use your lips to point something out.
You constantly refer to cereal as "con fleis". (messed up way to say corn flakes)
Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if it's a one bedroom apartment.
You can dance ranchera, cumbia or salsa without music.
You use "manteca" (lard) instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your booty is getting bigger.
You call your sneakers "tenees".
You have at least thirty cousins.
You can't imagine anyone not liking spicy food.
You are in a 5-passenger car with 7 people in it and a person shouting "subanse, todavia caben". (basically were saying there's still room)
Whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively dab on some "Vics" vapor rub all over your chest and inside your nostrils.
Your mom packs your "lonchera" everyday. (lonchera is your lunch)
You or someone you know uses "Tres Flores" in their hair. (Tres Flores is a hair product that translates to three flowers.)
Tamales, champurrado, posole and menudo (all Mexican foods) are must haves on Thanksgiving.
There is more Corona than punch at little Juanito's birthday party.
There is at least one member in your family name Maria, Guadalupe, Juan, Jose, or Jesus.
Everyone still thinks Cesar Chavez is the best boxer even if he lost against Oscar De La Hoya.
You've gone to the Pulgamarket every weekend for years.
You step into a house that has all those little figurines taking up every inch of space on/under the TV.
You have a porcelain cat, dog, Buddha, or elephant in your living room.
You have plastic slipcovers on your sofas.
You swear "Choco Mil" is the same as Slim Fast and try to lose weight by drinking it. (Choco Mil is more or less Chocolate milk)
You have a drunk uncle/aunt.
You're still afraid to open that umbrella in your house.
You not only know who Don Francisco from Sabado Gigante (Giant Saturday) is, but you tell people he's your tio. (tio=uncle)
Your mother, tia (aunt) or hermana's (sister) hair is blackcherry, "Sun in" red or a burgundy that would make Celia Cruz jealous.
You always try to find out what town another fellow Latino's family is from.
You have ever had to "beepiar" a friend on their pager.
You wear your Sunday best to do laundry at the laundrymat and go grocery shopping.
You have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or they'll catch a cold.
You go to a wedding or Quinceañera, gossip about how bad the comida (food) is, but be the first to take a plato (plate) to go.
You have a bottle of Tapatio (type of hot sauce) in your purse.
Your cousins are delinquents / hootchies.
You have a chola (gangster) in your barrio (neighborhood) named "La Flaca" (skinny) who's bigger than a house.
You think Cristina trumps Oprah any day.
Just about everyone you meet can't understand that Mexican is an ethnic group not a race and that Mexicans come in all shades and physical features.
You know a chola (gangster) named "La Shy Girl" who is loud and obnoxious.
You need to point out how much something you just bought cost.
You go to a gringa (non-Hispanic) friend's house for dinner and don't understand the concept of sitting at a table.
You've tried to bring a mango back to the US from Mexico, and a bonus point if you actually made it all the way home with it.
You have a bottle of Bacardi or Tequila in your house right now.
You drive a "Cheby", an "Ohsmobeel" or a "Bolswahgon"
You're proud to be Mexican - and you pass these jokes on to all your Mexican friends!