.o5

i know i said i was going to leave the boys alone and i am but i cant help but miss being in love. or having someone who i feel so passionate about that i cant keept my hands off of them, someone i want to spend every waking moment with and spend every sleepy night with,it used to be like that when i was younger i dont know if im just growing up or if i just cant find that any more. i miss it though. i used to have guys throwing themselves at me. i had guys begging me not to leave them. i was a little heartbreaker and i dont know when that changed. maybe when i came home, i had a man try to leave his wife for me as horrible as that sounds but i wouldnt let him i wasnt going to be the one to break up a marriage no matter how unhappy it is. i once had a boy follow me around for 3 nights hoping i would pull him over so he could talk to me (i was a cop) i could have anyone i wanted and it was always so passionate, so what the hell happened? i miss it. i want to be young again and feel alive and in love. sometimes i fear it wont happen again for me that i lost my chance that im destined to be alone from here on out. im not sure why. and i certiantly hope thats not the case... ugh i think to much when i cant sleep