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Serving the Best.
by Bic please!

previous entry: "Well... She's married to the muffin man." "The muffin man?" "THE MUFFIN MAN!!!"

next entry: I'm not afraid because I know this is my temporary home.

This is my temporary home. It's not where I belong. *EDIT*

01/30/2011



My Goals

.242.5.242.241.240.
.239.238.
237.236.235.234.233.
.232.231.230.
.229.228.227.226.225.224.223.
.222.221.220.
.219.218.217.216.215.214.213.
.212.211.210.
.209.208.207.206.205.204.203.
.202.201.200.
.199.198.197.196.195.194.193.
.192.191.190.
.189.188.187.186.185.184.183.
.182.181.180.
.179.178.177.176.175.174.273.
.172.171.170.
.169.168.167.166.165.164.163.
.162.161.160.
.159.158.157.156.155.154.153.
.152.151.150.
.149.148.147.146.145.144.143.
.142.141.140.
.139.138.137.136.135.

Stats

Weight:237.6
Exercise: 45 minutes on the elliptical
Food:
Breakfast- Two eggs, two tangerines
Lunch- rest of mushroom mix, and some tuna. Two slices of cheese
SnackChocolate drizzle thing that's in the 90 calorie packs. Grapes
Dinner- Chicken with spinach and salsa top. Spinach and cucumber salad and French beans
Fuck!


I gained three pounds.

Fuck.

I'm really really angry and frustrated, especially when I lost two pounds yesterday. I'm trying to rationalize it in my head, and my brain keeps saying its okay because blah blah blah. But all I can think about is that I gained back three pounds, and what the fuck, and OMG and such.

I don't want to have a breakdown. I don't want to have a breakdown. I don't want to have a breakdown. No no no no no no no.

Uggg. I know in the long run, this will just be a little bump in the road, and I'll look back on this entry and smile and say how silly I acted today and how it didn't make a difference because week two sucks. I just feel so unaccomplished. I really truly do right about now. I want to cry, but I'm not going to give my addiction that power.

I'm having a battle of wills right now. One is the addiction screaming and saying: "What's the point, it's not worth it! You can't do this! You knew you were going to fail! You fucking failure!" And then the other half is saying in a more gentle, kind way, "this is just a little bump, don't worry. Keep going on the right track, and you'll be fine."

This addiction... It's so overwhelming sometimes. It's like I'm constantly battling a little two year old devil monster inside of me, throwing a tantrum every time I don't give into its demands and cravings. It's exhausting sometimes.

*Breath in, breath out. Repeat.*

This is not a good day. I'm really battling on whether I should even go work out. I know I need to, and I'll regret it if I don't. I also really need to go to the grocery store, because I have almost no food in the fridge.

*EDIT*
After my scare today, I immediately went out and joined a gym. While I'm not thrilled about the price, it offers a medley of things to whip a girl in shape. Plus, I got a months free, and I'm also join by the month so if it ends up not working out, I can cancel.

I also got a bunch of good things from the store to jam pack my fridge. Yaaayness! It's getting to be a better day. Its still not a great day, but better. Just taking it one day at a time.

_fin.



"Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter
and those who matter don't mind."
-Dr. Seuss






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previous entry: "Well... She's married to the muffin man." "The muffin man?" "THE MUFFIN MAN!!!"

next entry: I'm not afraid because I know this is my temporary home.

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Don't stress over the 3 pounds. Women naturally fluctuate 2-4 pounds a day. The weight will probably be off tomorrow..just keep doing what you're doing.

[CrystalsLost|0 likes] [|reply]

in my time I've realized 100% that the number on the scale does NOT immediately reflect ones actions. Take it with a grain of salt. Figuratively.

[Hidden DepthsStar|0 likes] [|reply]

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