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begin.
Usually I have a clear picture of what I want to type out in an entry before I start, but I have no clue today.
Grandma came in from Vegas on Tuesday. Then we went to the beach from Friday to Monday. Wonderful, except the weather sucked. I felt very, very crappy the entire time we were there. Dad decided to be charming and force me into going down to the beach. How fun.
Bahh. Wifi there was erratic, that's why I only posted one entry while there.
Umm...Oh! I hate having Mom beside me when I drive. She has the wonderful habit of assuming I've forgotten everything about driving after I make one mistake. Say I didn't slow down the INSTANT I saw break lights on the car in front of me:
"Chris, you need to take the left lane; you're going faster than that car."
"Chris, slow down, it's only 55 here." (She told me to slow down every time I went 2 miles over the speed limit)
"Chris, see that sign? Road work. Be prepared to slow down."
If I didn't know better, I would have told her to shut up.
To randomly jump around, I realized how much I cuss today. According to one of those word cloud things, "fucking" is one of my top used words! Tipping the list are "just" and "like" with "gay" just barely trailing. Wow.
About the gay thing, I am planning on coming out to my best friend when she comes over to my house next. She'll be my first "real life" friend that knows.  Basically, I am going utterly insane. I can't stand...anything. Someone asked me what I was currently thinking and my honest answer was "Fuck." and I don't know why!
Could it be because I just got back from the beach? Despite the weather, I still saw the highest concentration of hot guys on the face of the planet. Oh, but you know what that means! Yes! The girls are there too. And my oblivious family just assumes which one I would be looking at just because I have a dick. 
Sometimes I contemplate coming out just to see my mom's reaction. Mean, yes, but I am oh so curious! She's such a bitch about some homosexual stuff, but she also quite obviously prefers spending time with me over my sister. (She's going through the most hormonal part of puberty right now. Bitch, whine, etc.) Oh well. That's probably two or three years down the road. (I think I might need to be a legal adult first...)
I have some really strong thoughts that I want to organize first. Something about a subject I brought up in another entry. Oho. That'll be fun. I just want to make sure I don't sound like a dumbass, and I am really tired right now. 
Other things...
Oh yes, I can't wait for school. Something regular. Finally. And I am so tired of worried about my grades. I am stressed NOW. Just thinking about it. I mean, what's the point? I don't know. I really just want to give up sometimes. I feel like my major personality trait people know me by at school is "smart." I like to think I am much more complicated than that.
Hell, that's obvious if you've read this far. Don't you see how disorganized this is?
I need some romance to read. I hate my school books. I have no motivation to even crack the spine of Shabanu: Daughter of the Wind. A Tale of Two Cities...no. I just am soooo sick of life right now.
I am so undeniably happy sometimes. Then when I sit for a second or two, I become depressed. Why the hell does being a teenager have to be like this? That has to be it. That and my constant state of horniness. "OMG CUTE BOY. OMG CUTE BOY." on repeat in my brain got old. Fast.
What the fuck ever. I'm sleeping now.end. | | |
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