Day 1: Relationships
I saw several people are doing the 30 day challenge and it looks like fun, so I think I'll hop on the bandwagon and do it too. Why not?
Day 1: Relationships
As if you all didn't already know... lol right now I'm in a relationship with a guy named Marc.
He feels like the closest thing I've had to a friend or partner in a long, long time. I wasn't single for a long, long time before I met him. I guess in a way you could say that I jumped from one relationship to a new one.
I wasn't looking for this, it just sort of happened. We were talking online for a few days and I really had no interest in talking to him. He was persistent though and at some point we graduated to talking on the phone. We'd talk for hours and hours, or rather I'd talk and he'd listen until I couldn't think of anything else to say. We decided to meet up and do lunch or something, but the day that we were to do that my car broke down. He met me here at my apartment, handled roadside assistance and replaced my battery at Autozone. While replacing my battery, he sort of laughed and said something along the lines of how this was a great first date sarcastically. Evidently, the guys inside asked him if I was his girlfriend, and he told them that I was. We've been inseparable since then.
Although we're together almost every possible moment, we don't seem to tire of each other. I think the reason is because both of us are oppositely extreme. He's literally and figuratively hot-blooded. He's very aggressive and has a quick temper. He's controlling and possessive, but not necessarily in a bad way though sometimes he can get out of hand. He's got a very sharp tongue. I'm extremely passive- I don't like making decisions and can't stand confrontation. He's always hot, and I'm always cold. I think our two personalities are what keep us interesting, but there are its downsides.
Sometimes I feel like Marc will never really accept me for who I am. I'm not obedient or conservative enough, like you would imagine the traditional woman to be. Marc reminds me that he wears the pants, and I've been raised to think that pants are to be worn by anyone who wishes to wear them. Marc often tells me that I'm stupid, dramatic or overly sensitive. For that, sometimes I feel like I have to pretend to be a lesser or even greater version of myself in order for him to find me acceptable. At the same time, I appreciate Marc's criticism because I think that maybe its time that I do take more pride in myself. Perhaps I should be more lady-like. Perhaps I should take more pride in my appearance. Maybe it would be good for me to put my apron on and learn what its like to be stereotypically womanly which my mother says is normal. I'm just used to being a jack of all trades... the hard worker, the home maker, the bread winner, the submissive, the dominant, all the while ensuring my eyeliner is without a doubt flawless. I feel that with Marc, I am able and probably should share my burden with him. The thought of that makes me happy, but also uncomfortable. I think the biggest problem that Marc and I have is that he seems to live in a world of is or is not. Black or white... and I dance in the world of "or". I play among the many shades of gray. I think that while its good for me to maintain my gray mentality, perhaps it is time for me to solidify my stance in certain aspects of my life. Most of all Marc makes me feel like I'm a child. But then a lot of times, with or without Marc, I feel like I am. A child raising a child.
I feel like Marc was made for me. I don't know if this relationship will withstand forever, but its definitely a good thing now and that's what I'm cheering for. I think that its evident that we're both starting to rub off on each other a little bit. Lately when Marc snaps at me, he comes back and says that he's sorry, which shows that he's making a conscious effort to soften up his temper which is something I can respect. He makes me feel feminine, delicate even. He feels like my great protector... When I'm in his arms I feel like I can breathe all the air out of my body and he'll be there to collect me.
He and I are like Beauty and the Beast even! He's definitely not a beast- he's much prettier than I am actually, but he's got a very cold and harsh exterior. I think I'm starting to see who he is behind his anger, and those little flecks of time make him beautiful.
We're far from perfect, but perfection doesn't come easy.
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