Speech Impairments, Goodbyes, Hard Times

As parents we all think our children are brilliant. We watch them closely every day and are amazed by what they are learning, how quickly they grow and pick things up. I was always told my son was far advanced because he could always do a lot of things that children his age couldn't do. My son never really crawled, never really cruised, he was sitting there one day, stood up and started running. It was amazing and I felt accomplished because my son accomplished something. They used to say that my son was more attentive than other children because while other children would be interested in their environment, my son would happily focus on you and look deeply into your eyes. They said that my son had fine tuned milestones that were months beyond his peers, and for that I always felt confident that my son was a baby genius. Of course I know all kids have their strong suits and weak points, but I hadn't found any weakness in my child yet.

Yesterday two people form Help Me Grow came into my home to work with my son and see what needs he has. Help Me Grow is a program that is available to all parents here, regardless of financial or social class. They basically work with the children to ensure that they are developing properly and to see what services they can offer parents if any. I was excited because in my eyes, like any other parent, my son is flawless minus the terrible twos toddler attitude and the fact that my son can't talk. He talks a lot, but I always thought it was baby jabber. It turns out my son isn't baby jabbering... he has created his own language. His language is clear and well developed. He speaks with his hands and gestures with his words. You can hear the fluctuation in his sentences as he tries to tell you what he's thinking. He asks questions and waits for an answer. But he's speaking his own language they say, which shows that for some reason he isn't connecting real words to real objects. They say it may be a developmental problem because he also isn't gesturing to things that he might want. He lives off of routine and ques, which they said is good because stability is good, but it's bad because my routine doesn't force him to really think about what he wants or needs or how to communicate those wants or needs. He knows in the morning he gets a sippy cup, we eat at the same time every day, we do the same things every day, so my son knows what he's getting and when he'll get it. They also said that his playing isn't sophisticated in comparison to other kids his age because my son wouldn't feed a baby doll. They gave my son a spoon, and asked my son to feed the baby. My son proceeded to jab the baby in the face with the spoon. I understand why that isn't sophisticated, but we don't play with baby dolls. He can feed himself with a fork or a spoon very well. Same goes, they wanted him to stack some small blocks. My son can stack blocks, but he was more interested in what they brought with them so he didn't really cooperate with any of their requests really. My son is smart though. He can dress himself. This morning, I went to change his diaper and he had taken his pants off, taken his diaper off, threw his diaper on the floor and then put his pants back on. If a 1 1/2 year old who can dress himself isn't sophisticated, I don't know what is. They offered to put him a special school for developing toddlers. They have a bus and everything and its all free. Great, I was thinking, my son is special. Like... speeccialll. But my son is also stubborn and doesn't do anything before he knows he can do it. Like I said, he never transitioned into walking. He didn't go through the motions. One day he just decided he was tired of sitting, and started walking. Maybe it'll be like this with his speech too.

Eric got the phone call about his move-in day, which is the 19th. So he'll be gone in two weeks. When I heard I cried and cried, so he brought me home a pack of cigarettes. I told Eric I wasn't crying, that I was fine, but he knew better. It's just too much in one day I think. This time two weeks from now, Eric won't be here. No more fighting, no more company, no more anything. My Christmases always suck. Something always goes wrong every Christmas. Its like a curse. But at least I have my tree.