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The Rat Maze Wall
by Awakened

previous entry: Lowering LDL Cholesterol

next entry: From One Hell to Another

Supermodel Student and Just a Side Job Reminder

11/14/2013

This entry is just writing therapy for myself. 

There's a girl Shackeema who is able to help me with my work.  She looks like a model and is comfortable appearing in front of the camera.  She would be great for my video lessons and video blogs.  However, the problem is this.  We are apparently attracted to each other, and that's a problem.  I can't get into this type of complication in my life right now.  Also, she's a student at the college (at my side job) which is also another reason why this could be dangerous.  But she is the perfect candidate for my video lessons and video blogs, and I think she would say yes too.

I'm hesitant, because of the danger of getting myself into a potential mess.  So, I will think about this some more.

Second thought in my mind right now is that my side job at the college.  After I switched departments to the another program this semester, it was hell (to some extent) in the first month because I have way more experience and knowledge of the material for the two exams (that the students have to pass at the end) than my lead supervisor. 

It was the worst in the first month because he didn't know how much I know.  As he's gotten to know me, he's realizing more and more the extent of my knowledge and experience.  But compare to people in the other department, he's way more resistant to what I know and it's frustrating too because his lack of experience may be keeping the students from passing

Today, however, he seems to have gone back to the treatment he gave me in the first month.  This may just be a reminder from God that this is only a side job.  God is reminding me to make sure I am putting primary focus on my main work.

 

previous entry: Lowering LDL Cholesterol

next entry: From One Hell to Another

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Looking back at this entry, I just want to update about Shackeema. I did ask Shackeema to help me after the semester was over (and she's no longer my student), and she was willing. But I did not continue to contact her again because I am hesitant (due to reasons I've already mentioned in this entry.)

By the way, she passed both exams after my advice and extra tutoring from me during that semester. My lead supervisor thought she was a sure pass, or way above passing. Because of my experience, I knew better and I even told her frankly a week before the exams, "You are on the border. You could pass and you could fail. The more you study and do the practices I provided, the more likely you will pass. She listened. When we got her scores, she just passed (for both exams). So much for my supervisor's "way above passing" assessment of her.

Regarding that department, I left that department. Toward the end of that semester, my supervisor knew that I am a lot more experienced and knowledgeable than his initial preconceived notion about me. (Throughout the semester, he started to realize more and more about my knowledge and experience because he talked with the director (who is both our boss and who is also very knowledgeable and experienced with our subset of students). She, the director,recognizes my knowledge and experience unlike my supervisor. Also my supervisor in training meetings probably came across other instructors who knows about my work and my results in the past. In addition, he started realizing more and more that he and I are on the same boat. If our students have a good passing rate on the exams, that would be on both our records. Throughout the semester, I did everything I can to help the students and improve their chances of passing the two exams, including having to do things without letting him know what I am doing (so that I don't have to deal with his resistance). Toward the end of the semester, he was less resistant and he kind of knew that I am keeping him in the dark in certain things I do, but he also started to realize that whatever I was doing, it's effective. However, by that time, it was "too little too late". I had already decided not to stay at that department. He was not happy when I told him toward the end of the semester. You see, our performance is reflected on the data (our student pass rate), and he (somewhere in him) knew that I am pulling up the student pass rate for him. The following semester after my departure, he has likely realized how much I pulled up the student pass rate for him.

Anyway, it was absolutely the right decision to leave because toward the end of the semester, I developed I health problem that I believe was emotionally induced. Although working for the worst supervisor I've ever had was not the sole contributor of the health problem, it was a big part of the cause. Also, I think the health problem was God's way of making sure that I leave that department and to focus on the main work I got off the common road for years ago.

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