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all.is.vanity's Diary
by all.is.vanity

next entry: empty arms and an aching heart.

dirty.

05/20/2009

Note to self : this 'relationship' is not healthy.

Remember how shit and worthless you feel right now, and make it stop. You won't listen. Either he wants to be with you, or he doesn't.

Lying awake, listening to him fuck a woman like some backwards voyeur is not normal, and it's not doing you any good.

He fucks you, he doesn't love you. A means to an orgasm. He wants you because you're convenient and you're acting like a stupid slut.

Talking to myself now, that's sane.

A word of advice - never fuck your best friend. You'll end up as wrecked as me.

I promised I'd never be this person. How did I end up so deeply involved in something I tried to avoid? And how does he win me over every time? It all seems so loving, and then...

But I don't want it to end. I do, I do, but... when he's actually here, I forget how I feel when he leaves. I hate pretending. Either he wants me, or he doesn't. Why am I letting him do this to me over and over?! For fucks sake, I need to open my eyes.

Some people just aren't meant to have fuck buddies... and I was naive enough to agree to this. I have no one to blame but myself.

next entry: empty arms and an aching heart.

0 likes, 25 comments

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It's hard to let go especially when you really love someone, and it's even harder knowing that they're just using you. Alls you want is for them to feel the same about you as you do them. I hope you figure it out soon. You will be okay in time... I promise.

♥Lacy

[ღMonsoon|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC; no problem. mind if i add you to my faves?

♥Lacy

[ღMonsoon|0 likes] [|reply]

*hugs* Oh love. I really hope you can see past this, and heal...*hugs*

[ConfessionsOfStAceStar|0 likes] [|reply]

eeks. *hugs*. thinks will get better.

[*tiffymae*|0 likes] [|reply]

I am in the same situation as you. It sucks. Keep getting fucked over, & I know it's happening & I keep telling myself not to do it, but when it's right in front of me, I can't say no. It's an endless, vicious cycle.

Hopefully you get out of it before I do.

Take care.

[[danielle electra.]Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I hope things get better for you

[.handmade.jewelry.|0 likes] [|reply]

friends with benefits CAN be hard, but the trick can also be to find someone who can respect you and make you feel amazing enough that you dont have these thoughts.

It took me a few tries.. i want a relationship but at the same time, i feel loved enough not to pressure him.

[.It's-Kiki.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I was in your situations a few years back.. and I can still remember how much it sucked and how hurt I was.. I'm sorry

[.Ban.Ignorance.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

re: I saw the spical on PBS (local tv sation where i live) and It made me want to read the book.

[†ara|0 likes] [|reply]

It's so hard to be in this situation, and to realize you're the kind of person you used to judge. You realize it, and it really is a choice, and if you back out you can salvage the pieces of yourself.

Good luck.

[Emma|0 likes] [|reply]

you're welcome.
my brother has been messed up since he hooked up with this chick.

[*tiffymae*|0 likes] [|reply]

of course, anytime.

[ConfessionsOfStAceStar|0 likes] [|reply]

re your comment on puck's diary: You're very welcome. LOL!!!

Sounds like you're going through some of the same issues as I have! I added you to my faves if you don't mind =)

[~*Jodi*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Why is it that when we like someone we are so obsessed with them? I have wanted this guy, liked this guy for months, only talking to him, never telling him that I liked him or asking for his phone number, wondered if he liked me...finally HE tells me that he does like me, we hook up, exchange numbers, talk, have a great time, and now I'm thinking "what if he doesn't really like me? did I just say something stupid? what if things are different now? why am I so obsessed?"

GRRRR. As a man...I need you to help me! LOL!!!!

[~*Jodi*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

Yeah, you're probably right. I guess I'm just going to have to wait it out and see what happens. I think it's going to be fabulous!

[~*Jodi*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I'm good at being confident without being arrogant. Hang around me more - you'll like being my friend! LOL!

[~*Jodi*~Star|0 likes] [|reply]

I completely agree, but those that are hiding behind the religious argument are so unwilling to listen to the other side. I figured fight fire with fire...

For that matter, I'm not even Christian lol!!

[Lady SheriStar|0 likes] [|reply]

RYC; yup there is a saginaw michigan and it's an hour south of me! Lol

♥Lacy

[ღMonsoon|0 likes] [|reply]

Fuck buddies never worked out for me, someone always got attached..

[Nachos&Cake|0 likes] [|reply]

Welcome to Bloop!

[xo heather|0 likes] [|reply]

Hugs. I've never been in that situation, but I can imagine it sucks.

[YourFavoriteMistakeStar|0 likes] [|reply]

it'll get better

[CouldBeYou-Again|0 likes] [|reply]

I agree that having a fuck buddy isn't healthy, far from it but you have to suck it up and let go of this person or at least end your 'agreement' because otherwise this will carry on eating you alive. Let go and you'll feel much much better I promise. take care =)

[quid.pro.quo.|0 likes] [|reply]

it's hard to be fuck buddies. i started that way with my boyfriend. it ended happily though which is rare.

[& skull.Star|0 likes] [|reply]

iconheartsWelcome to Bloop!!
xoxopixel

[Lady ElphabaStar|0 likes] [|reply]

next entry: empty arms and an aching heart.

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