E. Quill's Diary
by E. Quill

previous entry: Inside of me.

next entry: No one cares about your job.

The fall of Pluto


Yes Eliza has a daughter already. I bet the were reallly hoping for a boy. Cole bought a motorbike for their first daughter. Not like a mini bike for a small child but a "Once my kid is big this is the dirt bike she will ride with me." Of course girls can love dirtbikes but there are certainly some things he is hoping to do. Reminds me of the Disney Atlantis movie where the little mechanic talks about how her dad always wanted boys to teach mechanic stuff too and have a boxing champion but only had girls, but its totally cool because her sister was defending her boxing title. 

We're going to the baby shower/birthday party for her oldest this Saturday. I have been texting E all about  my baby stuff. I didn't send her the ultrasound photo. I think mostly your own ultrasound is something only you and family and a few close friends are interested in. Which is why J and I opted not to post it in the first place. I think others will scroll by and ..if someone won't find it as special and sacred as I do then I feel like there is probably no reason to show them a picture taken (this time) from my lady bits. 

I bought her things she won't really need. Some polka dot onesies and a blanket. As its her second girl I am sure its stuff she won't need but its stuff  I saw at my work that I personally had wanted but without knowing gender couldn't justify buying. Oh well feel free to regift Liza

I woke him up and we had a big unpleasent discussion about her posting the photo. He says before he gave it to her he told her it would be weird of her to post the photo but she could post on social media in general. He said before hand he shut down his profile so no one could tag himwith out permission because he already didn't trust her. He said he would talk to her but I could tell he was upset. We kept talking. He said he just hadn't had a good conversation with his family in months and he would like to just not have to spend every day he talks to them fighting with them.

Ultimately we decided to let this one go. But from now on she can only see physical photos in person, because she cannot be trusted. We're going to set down some pretty strict "You may post about the kid once they are here but you may not post photos" rule.

My mom said it was better to let it go because some people just don't have any clue why it would be something you wouldn't want to share.  I feel like its a bit not fair. I do want to share it. Like...90s style. When people had connections with individuals. Not this facebook string of look at me vomit. Sure some people just genuinely are extra out going or feel a bond with enough of their list, or have their list divided into groups to see different slices of their life. I am just not any of those things. J dated a girl in high school and they are still fb friends. after highschool she had a baby, not one post about being pregnant and years later he still doesn't know who the father is because she doesn't post things like that. He thought it was so cool that she was able to keep her cards close to her vest and really respects her choice. I think it is how he planned to play this on his social media.  I told him he would be able to tell the guild and he said "I wanted to not say anything until...HERES a BABY!" and its sort of how I felt too.

When Disco got pregnant (Fun fact, before she did it she ASKED J about if her timing would mess with the raid team. I hope it wouldn't have changed her plans in any way but J likes to brag that his people are so loyal and into his team that he had someone ASK if they could get pregnant. Which I think ..probably didnt happen exactly how he says it did. But he is allowed a Big Fish style story every once in awhile.) she just "Hey guys im going to pee now, since you know I have to pee so often. You know, because I am pregnant."  I just..wait for a boss to die and dart into the bathroom and no one ever notices I was missing. She also told us she was better at picking halloween candy and snacks, because she was pregnant.  It was just endless. Months of it. I did tell Kis and Disco before Disco left for her plastic surgery but I haven't mentioned it since then. They're the only ones that know and even though we all hang out pretty frequently I am preeeetty fat so I think I can keep things private as we tend to like them til much later.

Disco mentioned something to J about maybe quitting permanently because she could no longer sit up for our raid times. He told me and told me to take her off invites. Last week she was telling him "Sorry I still can't make it this week." I asked "oes she not know we like...removed her from the team?"  I guess not. We have been like..pretty agressively looking to fill her slot. Sorry, let us know when you get your break down is over!


J came home from work and told me "Wheres my favorite person I missed you so much all day."

"Even though we fought this morning?"

"What are you talking about? We didn't fight this morning."

"But like we had that big discussion."

"That doesn't make it a fight."

"We so rarely fight that I was going to count it."

"Well don't thats stupid. I didn't even think about it. Well once when my mom text and asked us to come to her house this weekend."

J's mother asked us to come to her house this weekend? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

J said he didn't even answer since we have the baby shower this weekend and mostly since I sleep in the day on weekends before work he thinks it is already to much to do.  He also was like "I don't know why she thinks that now we're just going to be hanging out all the time. We can't go from nothing for 10 months to every weekend. I can't stand her."

I feel sad this is the state of it but I feel..better that we're on the same page.  I admit I am wary of that first baby year because like..ok lots of places in my life are a fucking mess but I have always been lucky with J and our connection. I keep having stress out moments worrying we didn't have enough time just us (even though I am old as fuck and the clock was ticking.) or worried that now we'll have actual reasons to argue Worried I am giving up a loving cozy spot in my life for something that might not be as good. Thats probably a messed up way to view this thing we have wanted for so long  To imply that life with our kid might not be great..we just have such a good thing. I am worried about the rocking of the boat that we totally asked for.

I told him that there was no way I wanted to go to her house even when we did have to see her.  If we had to I wanted it to be in a restaurant.

He said that was good so we'd have to spend less time with her.

I responded that I had held back from writing a few scathing letters about how if she cannot accept responsibility for any of her actions or treat my husband with respect she can kindly fuck off because until that happens I see no way we can move forward. I told him I am trying very hard to control my knee jerk reactions. (and just writing tourettes style diary entries instead.)  I think he is grateful I did not write the letter but I saw his face and saw that it pleased him that I feel so protective of him.

I said if we aren't going to be on good terms and she isn't going to apoligize "fine you can get me olive garden"

I vented to my mom. She was on my side but said there was nothing I could do. Did I mention last entry she wants to be called "G" for her grandma name? I mocked it mercilessly as some sort of rap moniker and I would never encourage it. My mom and I both text each other at the same moment that it seemed like something someone does when they don't want to admit they are old enough to be a grandmother or are ashamed of it.

I ended it with saying that she think shes is the center of the universe, that she is the sun, but really she is just pluto and losing her planet status. She is an idiot and I am just over pretending otherwise.

Another sort of fun fact-When I was a kid I told my great grandmother I was going to go see Pluto. ...and sit on his nose. Because I assumed the planet of Pluto would be a giant rotating rock shaped like a cartoon dog.

Opendiary. I am intrigued. So many people went to Prosebox. When Od was suffering  Prosebox started up and was...pushing so hard that people abandoned ship and i felt sped up the death. I resented it so much that I wrote scathing entries about what gross little bitches everyone was and that I was glad we were disposing of the rats on the ship. I ventured there to read a few entries of people I missed. I even found a woman who was moving to my exact neighborhood on accident. When I talked to her she added me to fb...even though I wasnt so much into that plan.  She was the complainiest whiniest person about how horrible seattle was and everytime I tried to like..show her the bright side of the area she was a total downer even harder. She wanted to be miserable. Then I noticed she deleted me on fb..I wonder if she found my list of 30 friends suspicious. If you don't have hundreds of vague connections people assume you aren't a real person. I never went back there after that. It was frustrating. And I read a few of my old favorites but I didn't really want them to know I had even ventured there.  I was on that other diary sight..and then landed here. I will definetly check out OD. I think that people have mostly moved on though. They live at prosebox of livejournal or places like this. I think perhaps what..4? 5? years is to long. I actually found out it was coming back not from this website but because i sadly still have the quick link tab at the top of my Chrome browser and I accidentally clicked it a month or so ago. 

I will definetly check it out. This website is nice but it just..takes so long to find connections. I had such a loyal little circle on OD and it was so overly full that it was easy to find more connections. This site is a bit smaller and ...I am not as friendly as I once was. I worry that with all those people gone it just won't be the same though. I would love to have that magic again, maybe it could convince my favorite campfire to write a bit as well.


previous entry: Inside of me.

next entry: No one cares about your job.


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