Weight today 138.4 pounds
Goal one: 130 pounds
Ultimate goal: 122 pounds
Been a lousy month.
I have been basically binging since July 11
when my Exboyfriend got married.
Pretty pathetic
I was 131 pounds before that happened.
I have been really out of control.
Ate a whole bag of candy today after attending
A birthday party and eating a slice of pizza and too much ice cream
The day before that, I had 2 chocolate donuts
And almost ate some cake but thank God
I was strong enough to not make it worse
Have a busting headache
Feel huge
I can't wait to feel in control again
even though in some ways, the control
Makes me feel a little afraid
I feel so ugly and gross
But when I'm thin
Sometimes I get attention I don't want
Sometimes I think I sabotage my diet
Just to avoid the unwanted attention
But I hate being fat and ugly too
Actually I hate being alive
The girl my ex married
Is every bit as mediocre as me
Very much a plain Jane
It may have made me feel less
Like huh if she had prettier
But she had a mediocre shell
But was obviously
Smarter funnier nicer
Better personality
More confident
Gave me something to
Chew on. As it were
At least I can be thinner
All I have to do is fight
The urge to eat |
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