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Hani B
by DreamOreoCookies

previous entry: thanks for today

First entry in 2016!!

01/24/2016

Quick update on my 2016
Wow, it's been ages since i actually typed something. I still write in my journal but I find that I'm always short on time to actually type an entry on my blog and that just upsets me bc i love writing you know. Even if I am not particularly good.

Anyway, the start of 2016 just slammed right into my face to be honest. Like at first it was really calm and tranquil and then without even a little warning, it just picked me up in a hurricane, flipped me over a few times, lunged at my throat, attempted to rip me to shreds and just spit me right out. Basically, school has been a little rough, and the little burst of exasperation when i couldn't understand a topic in a maths irked me so much.

Maybe I'm just a little bit furious at myself for not being certain with what I want to study and become in the future. And then the other part of me is screeching, "DUDE, you're barely fifteen, just CHILL." and that calms me down for five minutes then reality kicks in and i get mad again. This vicious cycle is one I's rather do without but without it what is life am i right :-))) ....that smile is basically my expression ever since the start of school. It's just so emotionally drained and tired to the point where I think fighting back is just worthless so I'd rather just submit to whatever it is people want me to do.

However, unlike all years, this year is a little different. I rarely set goals and resolutions but this year. THIS year, I'd like to really learn korean. So far, I've been managing quite well, I look up for words on the internet and search for sites that teach korean grammar and I've been drinking the knowledge that is korean sip by sip. No matter how much I drink, I know I have to stay thirsty though because there is always much, much more to learn.

Another thing I'd like to improve on is my relationship with God. It's not as close as I want it to be so I want to try to fix that, I want to try to bridge the gap between me and Him because I know he is the only solution, the only one I can completely trust in this broken world. I'm starting by restraining myself from listening to too much music and keeping up with groups and wasting my time on non-beneficial things so I can turn to him. I know I've sinned so much so I have to atone for my sins and clear my heart of any impurities to fill it with Him. I'm in the process of doing that, bit by bit, I know I can do it. I just want to be a solehah servant to Him

Also, I have to try to save up at least $50 because I've been splurging too much of my money on books and food it's honestly quite embarrassing and annoying. I feel really ashamed of asking my parents for money whenever I want to buy something because I always feel like I'm bothering them so I should definitely save up to spare them any trouble.

So basically that's pretty much it. It's been so long since I've typed an entry I've missed hearing the keys on the keyboard click and clack whenever I'm typing hahahaha ok byeee





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previous entry: thanks for today

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