Roman did come by the other night like he said and we talked. He was so cute the way he moved around my apartment. We're still not "official" but he says if people ask him if I'm his girlfriend that he wouldn't say no. He really likes me and he assures me there aren't any other girls he finds it hard to completely commit to anything with me because of what he went through with his ex. He was convinced they were on the same page was head over heels for her and she screwed him he says he's just trying to be careful and he also doesn't want to hurt me in the process of protecting himself which I get it's just frustrating for me because in a way he is hurting me. I just want him to choose me maybe it shouldn't be this hard? I hate his stupid ex he's a good guy and she turned him into someone who won't trust anyone. But then again I think what made her do what she did? Oh and we didn't have sex Lol he just cuddled me.
I'm exhausted. I need a nap but I have to go take my car to my uncle Jake to check it out its acting up it almost didn't start when i got off work ugh. Yesterday might have only been Tuesday but my job was busy like it was a friday night. It was cool though i like being busy and I got to work with my 2 favorite co workers Jessica and Marcus. I always have a blast with them. Jessica and I are going shopping in a little while and I'm gonna dye and cut her hair. I love doing hair  I got home from work around 4:30 I slept until 9 and then went to the gym and Roman met me there, we went to breakfast after. Things were good. We talked more about my birthday, he's dead set on taking me somewhere I told him maybe we could meet up my girls with his boys. I wanna talk to Terry about it. It'll be interesting.
So I think I mentioned my mom contacting me on Facebook. She was a terrible mother. IS a terrible mother. People always make excuses for their alcoholism but I just can't deal with her. I refuse to. My father left when I was 11 because of it he was no better because he left me with her. To be honest i don't even know if hes really my father or if she'd say that he wasn't to just make me feel bad, because what father just leaves his only child with an abusive mother? She was always telling me how worthless I was, I wouldn't see her for 4 days at a time. When she was around she'd tell me how much having me ruined her life, I was always being HER mother. Cleaning up after her binges. I had only ever had one friend come over she knew how important it was to me that things went well and she got drunk and embarrassed me. She came drunk to my high school graduation and ruined that for me there has been so much that she's done and has allowed to be done to me that I just don't know how I could ever forgive her. She claims to be sober but we've been down this road before. I really don't care to have her in my life her apology means shit because its a never ending cycle with her. I'm not heartless but its just so hard to believe anything she says. She wants to see me says she has a job and she's staying with a friend and has been sober for 3 months. I don't know what to do. I don't want to deal with her but a tiny part of me wants to know what its like to have an honest relationship with her if that's at all possible. I'm not gonna allow this to mess up my mood though. I'll see how I feel in a few days. |
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