August 4 - Back to the Future

So, the thing is I'm don't entirely know that there was a time when I was legitimately out of place, but there were definitely many times where I've felt out of place. I live with anxiety and depression, so there are many times when I can be surrounded by my absolute favourite people in this world that love me unconditionally, and I'll still feel like I don't belong there from time to time. 

One time that really sticks out in my mind is when I was at our friend D.L with a few people I would consider to be some of my best friends. And I just felt like I didn't belong there. Now, J.M is my best friend since we were 13, but, and she's dating R.J. He, D.C, .P.C and I all worked together at my previous job. When I left to come to the hotel they stopped talking to me. I get it's easier when you see each other every day to make plans and stay in touch, but, I still invite them to do things all the time and I'm never really answered. S.F (from my previous post) was there, and I feel like it was here and I together all night. 

So why did I feel out of place? These people are my good friends, but, I just feel like some of them were my friends out of convenience. We saw each other everyday, we took our lunches together, so it made sense we would make plans together. But just being around them now, it just feels like maybe that's not where I belong. I love R.J and J.M forever and a day. R.J is basically family, and J.M is my soul sister, so I don't really feel out of place around them. However, everyone else I kinda feel like the distance was put there by them and their lack of interest. 

All of that being said, maybe it's all in my head. Like, I could honestly just be imagining everything. I've never actually told anyone how I feel about it because I don't want them to feel bad or it seem like I'm being overly dramatic. 

Best,

L.B