i. It's Been a Long Time Bloop

I decided to return after like 10 years of not being on this site, a lot has changed but... then again, a lot has stayed the same.

Let's Play Catch Up:

It feels really great to be back. I'm in an odd part of my life that's for sure and I need to get back to recording it. I used to do physical diaries before I did Bloop and then I sort of fizzled out on writing when I started college. With understandable reasons, I worked full-time and went to school full-time. Aside from juggling that and a very active social life with a minimum sleep schedule, some things had to make the cut. Diary writing was one of them, I replaced them for papers and technical reading. Things I should probably still do now if I am to maintain a "professional edge"

Another thing I sacrificed for finishing college debt-free, in 4 years (yeah, I am bragging... sorry) was fitness. A's for LBs I suppose. It didn't have to be that way but, I blame the social life.. who wants to workout when you've got a pounding headache and craft beer has a lot of calories. I'm not overweight by means of overweight status however I can't fit into pants from 4 years ago.... and I want to fit into pants from 4 years ago.

My professional life right after college was set, I had a nice job working within an agency that I had interned for a year doing philanthropy and outreach through sponsorship buying and client appearances. I loved it, it was a job I could really feel good about doing because I knew it was helping great causes. Unfortunately, in the business world things happen and they had to hire for more digital than community-based opportunities and alas, I was left to look for work.

After 2 weeks of feeling hopeless and unsure of what I was going to do, I began going on interviews and meeting with agencies and other companies to find work. Time has passed and while I am not feeling as much anxiety anymore I have begun considering other options for my life at the moment.

Which Road To Travel:

Let's say I stay, continue living here, climbing ladders and working my way up in the professional world fighting some invisible ceiling, having stability and saving for a future. Becoming a hard, lean-mean communicating machine, sticking with the status quo and enjoying the area around me. It's been told to me it's grueling work but it's the only way to climb the ladder. You put your nose to the grindstone for 5-7 solid years soaking in as much of the professional industry you're in and suddenly it's not as difficult. 

I just put in like 80 hours a week for 4 years, some months I didn't have a day off. Part of me needs some more time before I can swallow 5-7 years of grind-stoning again. But, that puts me back another 1-2 years behind my "job competition" so instead of being 26 fighting 24 year olds for entry level jobs, now I'm 28... 

I could move somewhere and search the job market there, see if I have any luck. I've moved out of my home state before. It was one of the worst and best experiences of my life and probably one of the most rewarding. I'd love to do it again. I could still move back to the West Coast where I was before and hope I can eventually find work there after my friends graciously let me surf on their couch for a few weeks.

Or I could go somewhere completely different. There's an opportunity for a place to crash in Fort Lauderdale however, again, I would have to dedicate my time to finding work in a new place where I have 0 connections or a network of professionals.

Van Down By The River:

Recently and more seriously, I have considered the idea of stockpiling up as much money as I can, converting a van and finding a job I can do remotely to travel the country in. There are quite a lot of resources on the topic and I have been doing research first out of curiosity and now it's become an interest. There is so much to see in this life and we don't often get the opportunity to just go.

If I were to do it, this would be the best time in my life to go. I have no children, no mortgage, my health is great, no serious job, my parents are healthy, I just graduated college, my bills don't even exceed $500 dollars monthly. What's stopping me?

Moral of the story: I need a job, preferably a remote one.

Traveling the country in a van and blogging about it on my spare time sounds so appealing after 4 years of killing myself to graduate and maintain a particular lifestyle. I'm tired of it and I feel like my light has been lost. My anxiety and stress coupled with toxic relationships has made me feel like my childlike curiosity and joy has been snuffed out. The spontaneous soul of bewilderment has been somehow turned off. I want to hike the Red Woods, I want to feel the pacific coast air and smell the mountains. To scorch my feet on the deserts and get caught in a dust storm and reset my inner child again.

So as you can see read, I am in a weird bit of my life and not quite sure what path to go down. I thought for sure at 16 I'd have it a little bit figured out by 26... guess I was wrong lol.

-HW