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So I'll start by saying my name is Gemfriend and I abide in S U B T E R R A N E A N T E M P L E P L A C E Y O U R H A N D O N T H E P E D E S T A L 2 R 3 L 3 N Q U I 5 H C O N T R O L O F Y O U R B L O Ô Ö Œ Ö Œ Ø 

I can be particularly weird sometimes. 

In Earth reality my name is Samantha, I live in a small town in upstate New York, I have a dog named Darby who is the love of my life and also a boyfriend named Eric who is just the coolest. We live in a little house that Eric built us in the middle of the woods and I wouldn't change anything. I'm going back to school, I'm currently in the first semester of my freshman year. Part-time, because I work full time and I like having a life. My family is awesome, I can honestly say no one has any beef with anyone in my family and that's pretty amazing. 

I work with an actual demon. I'm not kidding, I refuse to believe she's real. She is simply a demon that the universe has created and sent here to test me, and her name is Dawn. Dawn is approximately 5 foot 3 inches tall, has teeny tiny hands and feet so small they're basically hooves, and is about as wide as she is tall. 

Have you ever actually met someone with a catch phrase? Like a real catch phrase, something they say all the time that no one else says, and it becomes an identifier of sorts? Dawn has about 40 catch phrases. 

"I'm gonna go pollute" - when she's going outside to smoke a cigarette (she does this twice an hour)

"My blood pressure meds are kickin' in" - when she's going to use the bathroom (she does this every hour)

"fuckin goddamn..." - precedes just about everything she ever says

the list goes on seemingly forever.

She also eats more than anyone I've ever met, and I don't say that to be mean, it's just a fact. I've never seen someone eat like her, and she's oblivious to it. There have been loads of studies done that prove, psychologically, when you SAY you've done something, it has the same effect on your brain as if you've actually done it. If I SAY that i went to the gym this morning, and I commit to that lie, my brain will eventually believe it. Dawn does this every day with food. Every morning she comes in and drinks (and I only know this because I've gotten her coffee before) an extra large, extra light coffee with 8 Splenda in it, a cheese Danish and a bowl of oatmeal. She eats the Danish in about 2 bites and waits approximately 10 minutes before she says "I'm going to make my breakfast, I'm starving I didn't eat anything today." 

About 2 hours later, she says she's going to order lunch. For the past month or so it's been Chinese food, every single day, in excess. She orders from Kai's Kitchen, and every day she orders bourbon chicken, Szechuan dumplings and wonton soup, which she picks the wontons out of and discards the broth. She never finishes it, often eating a wonton or two, a few bites of chicken and one or two dumplings. She puts the leftovers in the fridge at work, and the next day, rather than eat the leftovers, orders more. Have I mentioned she constantly complains about having no money? Because she does that too, and sees no issue with spending $15 a day on Chinese food. Anyway, she's been talked to many times before, STERNLY, by management regarding the amount of shit she clutters the fridge with and been told many times she CANNOT keep doing this. So now, when we clean out the fridge and ask, "Dawn is this your leftover Kai's?" She immediately gets angry and defensive, yelling "NO!! NO. I ALWAYS TAKE HOME MY LEFTOVERS I DONT KNOW WHOS THAT IS BUT ITS NOT MINE." Never mind the fact that she's literally the only person who ever orders from Kai's. 

You see what I mean? Walking conundrum, she makes absolutely no sense. 

She can't spell to save her life, in the past week she's asked me how to spell the word "upon" 4 times and still spells it wrong. "U-P-O-N, Dawn." "Okay" check the notes later "apon." Sometimes even "apond." The only thing she does more often than misspell simple words is mispronounce simple words. "Breakfast" becomes "Breffast" etc, but believe me when I tell you she's the first person to talk about how much she loves to read old English literature. I know for a fact she reads nothing because she begged to borrow several books from me in the hopes that, by seeming interested in reading House of Leaves I'll assume she must be intelligent. She wouldn't be wrong, except when I ask her 2 weeks later how she likes the book all she says is, "it's good!" So sometimes I test her, because I'm a dick. I make up a name. "Did you get to the part where they meet Kyle?" "Yeah!" There's no Kyle. She's a liar, and not even a good one. 

Another example of this is video games. She tries to stay young by pretending she knows what me and Jake and John are talking about, and fails. We were joking once, calling each other "milk drinkers" and saying things like "let me guess, someone stole your sweet roll!" In reference to Skyrim. She said she wanted to play, so my boss bought her a copy of Skyrim for Christmas. Now, I knew damn well Dawn was not actually gonna play it, so I asked a few days later, "did you meet the first dragon yet?" "No but I love the game so far!"

Meeting a dragon is literally the first thing that happens in that game. Like you make your character, and a fuckin dragon shows up, literally the first thing that happens is you run for your life from a fuckin dragon. 

So I'm convinced Dawn is not actually real, but a demon that the universe created just for me, as a test of patience.