thin friend

08/19/2015

Weight:137
Goal: anything under this, the lower the better

Fumbled with the junkfood detox. I will try again tomorrow. I hung out with my super thin friend. She weighs probably 100 pounds. Random people come up to her and tell her how beautiful she is, how they wish they were that thin. It triggers me to feel like a hopeless fat whale. I don't know why I do it. The more I don't see any results, the more unhappy and depressed I get. The more the self hatred builds inside. I'm so mad at myself because I am ruining my own chances to be thin and happy. I have noone else to blame. I feel ugly and disgusting. I got a new food journal. Tomorrow I better stop eating like someone not on a big diet. I took laxatives to punish myself for the food.