another week

02/08/2014

I have my bus tickets
I'm going to Montreal, bitches, and I'm gonna see my girlfriend and everything's gonna be awesome!

My mom helped me pay for them, and I'm gonna pay her back, because she kind of gave me a little guilt trip "Everybody wants my money". I mean I hugged her and I told her thanks, but I haven't explained to her why this is so important to me.

She has sort of met Ana over Skype, but it was just like, I was on my mom's laptop because she has a good webcam, and she came over and said Hi, and said "This is the German?" and Ana goes "yeah, I'm the German." and kinda giggled. But my mom doesn't know it as anything more than friendship -- she might have an idea, but she's never asked me. And based on past remarks, I'm not exactly forthcoming with details.

BUT at our last big family gathering, my mom's sister asked me if I was seeing somebody and I said kind of, and my mom goes "Well I didn't know taht" and I said "well it's not an official thing" and then the conversation was over and nobody really asked. I'm not at the point where I want to come out to anybody in my family. My aunt (the one who asked if I was in a relationship, actually) is gay, but it doesn't feel the same as me coming out? IDK, I can't explain, but my aunt gets treated like one of the boys, basically, but they still kind of joke with her about being butch and "manly" and there is an underlying current of, not necessarily homophobia but 'gay is weird, gay ppl are different' and I'm not *gay* anyway, I'm bisexual, and that feels more difficult to explain?

If I say "I am going to Canada to meet my girlfriend" there will be the "I thought you liked boys, I'm confused?" and "Why the hell would you date somebody you have to travel to see" and then IDK.

GODDAMMIT things are confusing.

Also I've recently gotten into writing more F/F fiction, though my main novel is M/M. I have some new characters that I'm getting a feel for and I kind of love them. One is a cop, Kerry (Irish-american) and the other, Helen is a robotics scientist. They were kind of a fling in high school -- Kerry as the straight-acting punk girl, and helen as the openly queer feminine nerdy type. And now Kerry is a bad/dirty cop and IDK I ran out of plot ideas other than "They make out/have sex a lot" ha ha anyway~

today at work I get to count inventory (I actually like doing this, IDK it's relaxing) and then we will see what the rest of the weekend brings....
Also Ana and I found out that she has Queer as Folk on DVD and I have it on Netflix so we can watch it together which is GREAT because we have such a hard time finding things to watch together -- there's never anything good on youtube (that's also available in her country) and her computer is slow to load things that we can watch through sockshare, etc.

anyway~ off to work i go. have a lovely weekend, all