i don't know where i am or what. i am tired and kinda empty, and sometimes i feel okay with him not loving me. sometimes i think, there is more to love then being with someone. and he is healing and getting stronger without me, and that is okay because i love what is best for him. but i want to be what is best for him.
and sometimes i think, why did i call her? why did i go to the hospital? why am i here? i know i want to be alive. but i don't want my life.
sandy was wonderful. it felt good to be gone, and spend time with biz and isaac and marcus. but now i hafta face all the shit i left. oh, the daily phone call from the psychiatrist from the hospital, convincing her i am sane and safe enough to stay out of the mental hospital.
haha.
i rearended someone today. i feel stupid and shitty and excited for the price of my insurance to get jacked up. especially because i hit an itty bitty car, and fucked that shit uuuuup. adios argentina.
dasan and owen and i are going to the beach tonight. 
fuck you school, i won't study for finals, or make up work i missed while gone last week. fuck you.
things happen in threes. so he doesn't love me, i rearended someone and have no car...what the fuck is next? my heart is so tired.
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daily phone call??
