So this is my last year of college. I should be enjoying it right? I'm not. Not at all. This is probably the most unhappy I have ever been in my entire life. My boyfriend of like 3 years and I broke up last semester. This is nothing new though because we've been on and off for those 3 years. This is the last breakup though, pretty sure. He told me tonight that he is completely over me. And I feel like I should be too, but then I don't know why it bothers me so much that he has this girl that he's interested in now. I want to be over him, because I fucking hate him. He's lazy, immature, stupid. But part of me still misses him and I keep thinking back to the good times we had. The worst part is that I still have to live with him for the rest of this semester, along with two other girls. I don't know if i can do it. I might just go crazy. I already feel like i am going crazy. These past couple of weeks have been the worst. And I feel lonely too. I don't really feel like i'm getting to be that good of friends with my two girl roommates. And other than that, I have like 1 other friend. I feel soooo lonely sometimes. And my ex boyfriend has a date to the presidential ball in two weeks. I don't have one. I don't even have any idea who i would ask. I just thought that I would be the one to first get involved with someone else. not him. And I want to meet new people and make new friends but it's sooo hard for me. I'm so shy and never know what to say. I don't know how to fix that. I was able to do it before.....First year I came to college I knew absolutely no one else. I was able to make some friends then. But most of them were older than me or left my college so now I have like no friends anymore around. I also was able to do it when i studied abroad. I didn't know anyone then either. And I was able to get sort of close to a few of those people....but they don't go to my school.
I hate where the rest of my life is right now too, not just the friends/significant other part. I will graduate at the end of this semester and I have no idea what I am going to do or want to do once I graduate. I am an art major so I keep saying that I think i will do graphic design, just because it seems to be the easiest place to get a job with my major. I don't think that is what I really want to do, though. I'm not sure what it is that actually want to do. and i'm eventually going to have to find some place to live. Not sure where that is going to be either.
I feel like I just need to have a rebound boy. Then I can get back out there and look for a more serious relationship.
I hate the weekends too. My roommates go places and leave me here and don't invite me to go with them. Therefore, it's kind of hard to meet new people and make new friends. sometimes I don't know if i can actually stand to be here any longer. I hate it. I don't want to give up because i am so close to the end. but i am so unhappy. SO unhappy. I just don't know what to do anymore.
well i guess that's all i can think of for now. I'll add more later if i think of anything. |
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